Vincent Silver Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 My eyes are watery for the sorrow I cannot see I cry beacuse the voices inside are telling me I cry to the invisable pain inside me The pain my mind spins to hurt me I feel so cold inside,I'm angry this lie I spin I'm crying cus' I spin my own pain like all men Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 Don't know if you ment it, but I like the potential Double entendre, in the 2nd line...otherwise I'm left to think "telling what?" hmm, on second glance I can get get a third meaning from it too... oh well, good job for making me think... a few spelling errors too...but that's kinda the norm. 3rd stanza seems forced... Honestly, I think this poem has potential with some revision... revery the dreamlost "staying won't put these futures back together(aimee mann/humpty dumpty)" the dream continues... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent Silver Posted September 1, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 Started out good but it got to the point where it was forced. I was depressed today for no real apparent reason and thats whats this is about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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