smallscale_mind_games Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 (edited) Right, with the exception of a couple Haikus, my poems are for the most part unfinished, and untitled. Deal with it. But feel free to criticize. RECENTLY EDITED: My heart is aching my eyes are cold I see right through to your wingless soul Lonesome and saddened alone in the night give off your own glow when you step out of the light Throughout my life I've been crying and yearning reaching for something as lyrical as burning the end...so far anyway. I intend to finish it someday. It's escalated to hallucinations I'm f ing sick of these wartime rations impending flames and feuding nations can you deal with this? Falling upward, slamming through the ground floating off the floor my footsteps will resound this numbing silence is one screamed sound As I said, not done. La well! don't even ASK me what it all means. Edited April 25, 2003 by smallscale_mind_games Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 I see right through to your wingless soul I'd say split that into 2 lines. Otherwise, it flows well, giving off an almost sadistic feel. The second one I don't get, but that 's just my fault.- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallscale_mind_games Posted April 24, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 Thankies for me first comment! Sadistic? that's new I dunno what the second one's about either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elwen Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Merry-I like these poems a lot. I think I understand the first stanza of the second poem...I'll explain it to you at school, if you want. Bright Goddess-I've got to leave! See you at school! *runs away frantically* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanz Posted April 27, 2003 Report Share Posted April 27, 2003 I think I like this poem more because it IS unfinished. It leaves you wondering more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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