Blondemoon Posted February 10, 2003 Report Share Posted February 10, 2003 (edited) This was inspired by both an article/site I read yesterday and today, about a man that killed himself while chatting on IRC (I'm sure some of you have heard of it by now, it's been all over the place), and by my own little foray into the not so lovely world of depression. Ok, not little foray, big foray...but hey, give me a break here, at least I've gotten to where I'm writing again. if I were to die would anyone even know? would they realize, without really knowing, that I had ceased to exist? if I were to die, by mine own hand, who would know? of course there would be some that care but who would know, until after it's done? how long would it take before all my friends knew? would they know right away? or not be told until long after? all because they pissed off my mother. if I were to die by any form who would know? and why would anyone care? Edit: Eep...just realized this morning, in a state of half awakeness, that this might be offensive to some. I apologize if I offended anyone. Edited February 10, 2003 by Blondemoon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 (edited) Rune chews on her fingers while listening to Blondemoon read her work. After she is done she half waddles, half skips over to her, still chewing on her fingers. Pulling the slighty slimey demon spit coated fingers from her mouth, and whiping them on her clean shirt she looks up Blondemoon and says "They would know." before walking away. Great work Blondemoon, With the publication of so many new poems lately more than likely this one was pushed to page 2 before many people got to see it. I dont think anyone was offended, its just a high traffic thing. Rhetorical is a big word! and its also a hard writing style to master. I think you did a great job, and the poem works well. Only part that seems minorly out of place is the line about my mother. or not be told until long after? all because they pissed off my mother. To me it just seems to add an unwanted feel to the seriousness of the poem. Its rather hard to explain. Thank you for sharing. ^__^ Edited February 15, 2003 by Rune Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondemoon Posted February 16, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2003 I know what you mean about the mother line. I wasn't quite sure what to put in there, plus it was an attempt, albeit a small one, to lighten it up a little. Plus it's telling the truth...that is something that I do wonder about, since one of my friends that lives out of state, and didn't even DO anything to anger her...well, she can't stand him. *shrugs and throws her hands up in the air* It must be a mother thing...not liking the friends that your children have. But on your suggestion, I'll go ahead and try and edit it this weekend while I've got some time, see if I can come up with something that would fit better in that stanza. I hope I'll be able to, but I've got doubts, something about not being in the same mood that I was in when I originally wrote it kinda throws me off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted February 16, 2003 Report Share Posted February 16, 2003 ah no need to rewrite it, was just a comment is all. It sounds fine as it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyril Darkcloud Posted February 16, 2003 Report Share Posted February 16, 2003 (edited) Cutting this comment out for now -- as the Critic's Corner may be a more appropriate place for it. After I finish commenting on your other piece *LOL* Edited February 16, 2003 by Cyril Darkcloud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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