jonathan_wolfe Posted January 21, 2003 Report Share Posted January 21, 2003 [Metal Scream] Preparation Getting ready, packing up moving out, marching outward checking, cleaning, testing, hoping Anticipation Searching Taking point, scanning, heartbeat Pressure, must see... see them first Darkness, the metal and the dark, something dripping... Panic Chaos, noise... lights in the dark, reformation, running... fighting... ringing in my ears, where are they? taking aim, raining hell.... Brimstone They fall... dead? sharp pain... flash in my eyes... I become one of the many... Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted January 21, 2003 Report Share Posted January 21, 2003 Kipi! Another post by Master Wolfe. Poems about war are always intriguing. I think because war is somewhat facinating to a degree. This one is great, only suggestion I have is to read your poem out loud once you are done. If anything go into a room, close the door..and belt it out like you were reading it to an audience. It's a really easy and natural way to identify places that might need more content simply to make it flow correctly. (not that im saying this one doesnt flow correctly, just something ive found to help improve myself when writing) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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