James Crow Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) It took you a long time, To build up the strength, To ask him to take your hand. And he said, "I don't have time for games, The world shall remain the same. I am not beautiful, Nor will I ever be." With that he turned and left, As you instantly collapsed, And tears filled your eyes really fast. Slowly time passed by, The gleam left your eyes, So I asked you to take my hand. And you said, "I don't have time for games, The world shall remain the same. I am not beautiful, Nor will I ever be." I turned to leave, As you repeated the words that came out of your mouth, And with that you let out a gasp, And asked for me to take your hand. And I said, "I always have time for games, The world shall not remain the same. You are beautiful, And you always will be." Edited January 15, 2011 by Peredhil changed a "you" to "your" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 I'm glad you've found us here, at the Pen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mardrax Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Glad indeed. Powerfull stuff, this. Again, nice use of repetition through different moods to drive a point home. The "really fast" seems out of place to me though. In tone, mostly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 I twitched at "really fast", but thought it was my inner grammar nazi thinking it should be "really quickly". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Crow Posted January 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Trust me that line haunts me so much but I can't find something to replace it so I left it, also thanks for fixing my poor spelling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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