Patrick Posted August 4, 2008 Report Share Posted August 4, 2008 Dreams reflected in a pool When wind's embrace Disturbs the surface Dreams simply blown away Simply come back again Is hope really vain? Dream on dreamer So they used to say Day after day after day. Dreams are eternal To be eternally broken Again and again. Close to completion Hope comes fast But hope is what dies last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ran Yoko Posted August 6, 2008 Report Share Posted August 6, 2008 wow. I really like this, cause dreams are something I find myself trying to write about a lot too. one thing tho'. the three line stanzas are a little awkward for me, probably because I'm used to four liners. so I was having a little trouble reading it, because I couldn't figure out the flow of the words, if that makes any sense. still, really good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Posted August 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2008 Thanks! The three liners were really weird for me too as I usually write a-a-b-b type rhymes, but the idea was something fresh. And I've always had trouble with rhythm, being more of a rhyme person myself. I guess it's something I'd need to consciously work on, but never feel the inclination to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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