Anigmal Posted July 26, 2008 Report Share Posted July 26, 2008 Well, after 4 years of a hiatus, I have returned. I used to write under the name Arashi, back in the day, but due to bad memory I completely forgot about this place, my screen name, password, car keys, and a child at the produce stand out in the sticks. Anyways, enough about me. Let's get down to what you really clicked here for... my words..... now where did I put that button.... Ah, there it is. *click* Flip-flop, flip flop Bouncing back and fourth Forever changing size and shape Soaring higher and higher as you go But the glass ceiling will not be kind to you little one For when it shatters you will deflate But keep on soaring to your destiny It's all that you have left in this world Delusions of eternity within your grasp Just bounce higher, you'll reach it Spiders lies taste sweeter than honey Following you along your perilous journey Building the walls of web as you bounce Nearing the top, quandaries are made Why are you bouncing so high? What do you wish to accomplish? Answers fail you From when you started To were you are You have lost all reason Spider looks upon you in disgust and gives you a name Loser, hopeless, pathetic, alone The glass shatters followed by the piercing rain of reality Slicing through your form leaving you bloody and falling Spider follows, watching with a grin on its face With a thud you are on the ground Motionless, lifeless, loveless Nothing but a fractured heart And a spider waiting for the next one __________________________________________________ Wonder how rusty I got after only writing a total of about.... 3 or 4 poems over those years... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Nice poem Anigmal/Arashi, welcome back to the Pen. :-) I like the tone of bitter hopelessness that you set throughout this piece, and the way that the second person of the poem is always addressed in a condescending manner. The spider and glass ceiling metaphors worked nicely in it as well, and I particularly liked the image of the broken glass from the ceiling leaving the second person "bloody and falling." I think that the metaphors of the poem work at their best when they aren't described in a metaphorical manner, as somehow the reference to the shattered glass as a "piercing rain of reality" felt more blunt to me and wasn't as strong as some of the other metaphors in the piece. Also, while the spider metaphor is cool, I had some difficulty envisioning the expressions on the spider's face without the image of a cartoon spider flashing in my mind... perhaps there might be another way to convey the spider's malice without the use of facial expressions? Anyway, thanks for sharing this poem here Anigmal. :-) I'm glad you still remembered about the Pen after all these years, it's always nice to see you writing here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anigmal Posted July 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Do you think it would read better if I wrote it this way? "Spider clicks its fangs in disgust and gives you a name" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozymandias Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Do you think it would read better if I wrote it this way? "Spider clicks its fangs in disgust and gives you a name" Use it or not, I love that line! The poem as is, is good, but the mixture of glass ceiling and spider metaphors flows a bit awekwardly for me. I'd be more speciifc, but can't for the moment. I'll keep thinking. In the meantime, awesome to have ya back, Arashi. :>) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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