OxygenPlant Posted August 22, 2007 Report Share Posted August 22, 2007 You try to convince me that I'm a person who is like you, and I'm starting to believe. My actions and reactions to your accusations have shown the worst in me. Defensive as my default setting, I am blind to you and the world outside of you. I've begun to forget that there are evident opposites of contamination. My brain spins as overcome I am with revelations I have above you. Through the cracks in my shield I am suprised to be burnt by conscious light. In this light, You are not everything. You are not my everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthaninnocent Posted August 24, 2007 Report Share Posted August 24, 2007 Very abstract. Very rythmic. Very intellectual. This is the type of poem I would enjoy reading over and over again because it is so complex you could always find new meaning by examining it line by line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted August 25, 2007 Report Share Posted August 25, 2007 a few choice line-breaks would add some nuance to your first stanza. just an opinion. rev... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxygenPlant Posted September 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 I've only just noticed these replies. I appreciate both immensely. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regel Posted September 5, 2007 Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 (edited) These two lines struck me for a couple of reasons. In this line: My brain spins as overcome I am with revelations I have about you. At first blush it seemed a bit backward and confused. Very much like we would be feeling if we were experiencing the same revelation, but the speed of your recovery is reflected in this next line. Through the cracks in my shield I am suprised to be burnt by conscious light. The confusion is over and this startling revelation crystalizes in the following statement: In this light, You are not everything. You are not my everything. When I hear this from a younger person I want to stand up and cheer. Some people never see it. Edited September 5, 2007 by Regel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxygenPlant Posted September 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 Wow, thank you so much Regel. Sounds silly, but I really appreciate when people appreciate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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