Wyvern Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 An off-key kazoo version of the Mighty News medley plays unsteadily in the background as a shakey camera focuses on a cluttered tabletop. A pile of crumpled paperwork and candywrappers is shoved to the side, revealing a figure wearing a poorly-fabricated Bob Soluberrin mask. The figure adjusts the yeti hair wig that sits on his horns and makes sure that the front of the mask is stable on his snout, then sets his claws on the table and flashes a razor sharp grin towards the cameras. "Good evening. My name'sssss Slob Hissoluboring." The figure raises a claw to his mask and attempts to stifle a snicker. He fails as it turns to a series of snorts that eventually evolve into a bout of laughter. "Top of the evening news: *snort* hairlines. Is mine receding? *snicker* All signsss point to: 'YES'! BWAHAWHAHAHAWHAAAAW!" The mask and wig slip off of Wyvern's face as he tilts his head back and roars with maniacal laughter, his echoes causing a distorted screeching sound in several of the microphone speakers across the chamber. The overgrown lizard claps his claws together as he turns back towards the cameras, rubbing them in a sinister manner. "All Mighty Snooze references aside, the Almost Report isss back with a vengeance! This broadcast is brought to you courteousy of our new undercover agent/really hot intern gal, who'll hopefully be makin' a cameo later." Wyvern glances in both directions, then leans towards one of the camera speakerphones and whispers into it. "Word is that we're gonna get her to wear a different ssskimpy outfit each week. I'm expecting an 80% rise in male Pen viewers, and a 70% rise in hilariousss angry feminissst answering machine messages. Be sure to stay tuned next week for the full scoop." Wyvern winks at the camera, then turns to his messy table and snatches up a tiny scrap of paper. "We'll keep this report brief to give more air time to the series of brilliant commercials that you've been missing in our absence. The central newsss item of this week is actually the lack thereof, as news items at the Pen have dwindled to a record low. Sssome say it's seasonal, while others say it's related to frustration with the series of pseudo-high brow philosophical yammerings hosssted in the Minstrel Hall (which recently came to a late close)... Whatever it's related to, the Almost Report is in need of new events and gossip to lay flames to. Keep in mind that gossip about Pen members needn't be true... we're pretty much a tabloid rumormill 90% of the time anyways! Of courssse, should no news or rumors come in, we'll probably be able to get a substantial viewership off of Ms. Hotshot Malone's impressive bod alone... we'll cccertainly sssee in weeks to come!" Wyvern shreds the paper scrap and tosses it to the side, then flashes an Almost Dragonic Brand Crystal Ball Broadcasting Time Guide to the cameras, pointing to the bottom of the cover where it reads "2% Reduction in Ad Incantations.' Screens across the Pen promptly go blank as a more formal series of advertisements commences... ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whisky in Babylon Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 The lights flicker on revealing a new girl?...One two messy half pig tails half buns, hanging like red string around her pale face. An eye patch on the right eye, for no real reason... and a little white dress with little boats on them. The dress coming only about mid thigh. Her legs covered by rainbow leggings, and her feel big plasic yellow platforms. Surely this was not the Whisky who wanted to intern with Bob Tightpants. Well guess what it is punk so stop questioning everything! “Well well! This is more like it... Miss me folks? Well you should have!” she leans back in her chair her feet crossed upon the desk, papers scattering everywhere. “Lemme just start off todays Mini Cast by saying, Its great to have you back Wyv!...so help me, if I had to get coffee for Uptight McBoretown one more time, I was going to jump off the Conservatory... really I was!” .................................................................... <instert long akward pause> “Oh right news and stuff... well as Wyv pointed out, there is not much going on. Though I do have one thing to add. As most of you might be wondering what happed to McBoretown?.. Well after charming my way into the studio and cleverly getting the Orb thingy..McBoretown was overthrown.... But out of the mercy of my heart he is still employed as the janitor in charge of the bathrooms!... what can I say Im a sweetheart.” She fusses with her hair a moment, then takes off her eye patch putting it on the other eye... theres whispering off stage... she glances over and blinks... “Oh we are still rolling... oh I have to actually end it... oh yeah okay...” She looks to the camera. “Well folks thanks for listening and stay tuned for whenever the Mini Cast comes again!... This is Whisky Hotshot Malone.. And remember, Keep on laughing.” She winks now with her left eye, and smirks as the lights fade to black. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 (edited) I wouldn't worry about it too much. I agree it's seasonal. Like me, a large segment of pennites are probably just suffering through their exams right now, or are in the lead to them. Things almost always pick up in Summer, then take a rather dramatic dip in Fall when classes start back. It's just the way things go. And regulars not necessarily associated with exams go inactive all the time for various reason. Typically during life changes like: High school to College, College to Real World. Moving, New Job, etc. If too many ppl go inactive, new blood usually comes in to reinvigorate things. How? Not really sure, it just always happens. Probably something to do with having more free time in Summer or something. rev... Edited May 2, 2007 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts