Cerulean Posted September 23, 2006 Report Share Posted September 23, 2006 For Doctor Dog, who loved pencils. Pluck danderdandled hearts out of my sleeve, leave shadows of your silky sprawl awake beneath each fluttering breath of sleep. Shade memory’s susurrations from the dust, and let the silence soften, as it must. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted September 24, 2006 Report Share Posted September 24, 2006 Beautiful poem, Cerulean. I love your word choice, as words like "danderdandled" and "susurrations" really stood out to me and caught my attention. The way you phrased the ending of the poem was also very elegent and evocative, with the rhyme scheme really complimenting the softening of the silence. Sorry to hear of Doctor Dog's passing. He couldn't have had a more beautiful elegy, and I hope that the silence truly has softened since you wrote this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finnius Posted September 26, 2006 Report Share Posted September 26, 2006 *offers hugs, much-deserved praise for the loverly poem, and condolences on the passing of an equally loverly kitty* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 He was beautiful, and so is his elegant eulogy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerulean Posted October 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2006 Thanks everyone for the kind words, much appreciated. *hugs to all* Can I ask for an opinion please, now a bit of time has passed and I can look at this without feeling so sad. How would it be if I replaced 'Shade' with 'Keep'? I'd originally written keep as an internal rhyme, but changed it to shade because I preferred the sense over the sound. Now I am wavering. Thanks in advance, C. Pluck danderdandled hearts out of my sleeve, leave shadows of your silky sprawl awake beneath each fluttering breath of sleep. Keep memory’s susurrations from the dust, and let the silence soften, as it must. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted October 26, 2006 Report Share Posted October 26, 2006 Hmmm. I see how "Keep" works better in getting across the sense of the line, but I definitely feel "Shade"s absence in the sound of the line and the overall feel of the stanza. Perhaps there's a word somewhere between the two of them that shares both of their qualities? "Save" could be a potential option, though I'm not sure if it fits the sense that you want to deliver with the line since it feels a little more desperate. One thing I do like about "Shade" is it that it's something one can associate with cats, and fits the eulogy in that sense. Then again, "Keep" might have the more positive connotation in the end. Rambling thoughts, Wyv~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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