Tasslehoff Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 -~- Just a fore-warning. This piece is very ruff. I just started writing sentence after sentence. No plans on rhymes or flow at all. Just my usual, hectic, all messy time of writing. Been a while since I've shared anything, wish it could have been better, but this will have to do. -~- I have no clue whats right from wrong anymore Where things werent good enough, or where we went wrong I stay up all night looking into our stars No longer our stars, sitting solo on this balcony Bloodshot eyes, I cry yet another tear Strike down another good memory as the minutes pass I see the phone flash, feel it vibrate in my numb hands I try to lie, let you think Im better off with out you I tell you that I dont miss you anymore these days Hearing your disapointment, as you try to remain strong Feeling another piece of my heart fall The echos of my empty chest, not much more left .... Sitting straight up, wiping the sweat & nightmares from my body Looking over, curled up so tight, there you are Face of an angel, looking so cold with out my warmth Laying back down, mind at peace, heart slowing down Glad the nightmare is over as I pull you closer Feeling your arms wrap around me & your face on my chest Knowing the dream would never be true, for Ill never let go Watching the smile on your face, finally I can rest .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 Well, if you want to generally improve upon it, then do grammar clean it in your next draft. Aposthrophes are your friend. Good material. Good grounding. If want more indepth feedback let me know. rev... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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