Regel Posted February 27, 2005 Report Share Posted February 27, 2005 Did I stumble, did I impress? I hope I made you smile. Stories I told and promises I met, Amused you for a while. To those I hurt, by being too curt, Forgive my ego and my pride. Preoccuption was my damnation With my conscience I can't abide. The moment passed, for words that last Now I ache to have it back It's should have or even could have, Regrets? I carry a sack. I could have said "I'm sorry" I would have erased some pain I should have asked "Forgive me" Shone some sunshine instead of rain. So I'll say it here, and hope you draw near Inside each of us is a treasured friend. Give them a smile and linger a while, For we may not pass this way again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 *hugs* Very true, these words you say, and all too often we forget to smile at those who fill our day - whether friends of old or those just met. We never know which kind word may be that bright moment which will let a loved one make their weary way through pain which feels endless, yet is softened when we say "here, stay a moment, don't go yet. Let's talk with open hearts today." nicely done, as always. thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 Hmm, I have mixed feelings about this poem. On the one hand, I feel that the word choice and the strong emotions driven across in it demonstrate your experience with the matters touched upon in the poem, and ring true. The emotional base you've chosen for the poem is powerful, and as such the messages that it gets across are meaningful and evocative. At the same time, however, the structure and the rhyme schemes of the work struck me as somewhat out of place in it. There was obviously a great deal of thought put into the internal rhyme scheme of lines such as "Preoccuption was my damnation," but I somehow feel that lines such as these set a lighthearted and casual tone to the piece where a tone of regret was intended. You may want to consider narrowing down the number of rhyming words in order to better establish a connection between the tone of the poem and its themes. Thank you for being brave and posting this emotional piece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted April 4, 2005 Report Share Posted April 4, 2005 (edited) Another enchanting work from you Regel. Thoroughly enjoyed the ambiguity but heart-felt sentiment. Edited April 6, 2005 by Parmenion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regel Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Thank you all for the comments and as I reread this poem I can't help but agree that the rhyming scheme might have improved for all the reasons you suggested Wyvern. However people are flawed. That's what makes topics like this one difficult. We tend to rationalize and try to explain our actions when no logical explaination exists. The concept of a flawed personality is nothing new and that was what this poem reflects upon. I am glad it struck a chord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetcherrie Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 That first question is stuck in my mind, and it keeps coming up in the most akward situations. I had a job interview the other day, and this line just kept running through my mind afterwards. Obviously you did impress Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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