cryptomancer Posted August 25, 2004 Report Share Posted August 25, 2004 I write and I know that I can never read my words. I write and I know that tonight my eyes do not see. My eyes do not see page or word, For tonight I write in the blood of a broken heart, Upon the torn page of my soul. …… I once stood upon the edge of myself, And open field of dreams, letting all see What I was, who I could be. Then I placed a brick, then the second. The third was easy to explain, as the wall grew. Behind a wall I stand. Upon its weathered face I lean. I have seen it weather the storms of my life. I build it to protect, to hide. And in this sanctuary I shall die. This wall I built to hold at bay, The life of pain it kept away. I stood behind and saw Faces turn from what they saw. I smiled to see them walk away I longed to find the one who would stay. Through my wall she did walk. Seeing not a wall. Only all I was. Never flinching. Never fleeing. I loved her then. I love her now. Always forever. Each day deeper. She stands now beyond my wall. Looking in at my breaking form. Behind a wall I stand. Upon its weathered face I lean. I cannot sleep. I cannot dream. Shedding tears upon the stone. Aching. Crying. All alone. …… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted August 27, 2004 Report Share Posted August 27, 2004 I like this piece and think that it's a good poem, cryptomancer. The stone wall metaphor you incorporate throughout the piece is strong, and I found the antithesis of the wall both protecting and trapping the narrator particularly intriguing. I also think that you open the poem on a very strong note with the line "I write and I know that I can never read my words," as it immediatly interested me and grabbed my attention. The one stanza that I didn't care for in the poem was the second to last stanza, which I felt fell into the realm of cliches. Also, in the third to last stanza, the use of the word "fleeing" struck me as somewhat odd, perhaps because it's such a radical switch from the "flinching" mentioned in the line before it. Very nice poem cryptomancer, I look forward to reading more of your works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozymandias Posted August 27, 2004 Report Share Posted August 27, 2004 *embraces Cryptomancer* You're a good man, Crypt. I have it on good authority; and I can tell it by myself as well. A beautiful, heartwrenching piece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynx Posted August 28, 2004 Report Share Posted August 28, 2004 Beautifully written, Crypt. Quite literally brought tears to my eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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