Snypiuer Posted March 22, 2004 Report Share Posted March 22, 2004 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a story I've been telling since about 6th grade. Let's just say it's been a LONG time (considering that I'm older then Nim - that's why he's the only one who knows the same songs I do!). ********************************************* One morning, a boy of around six years old was playing outside in his sandbox, waiting for his mom to take him to school - which didn't start 'till noon, him being so young and all, he only went half a day. Anyways, as he was playing, the wind blew a purple piece of paper that landed right in front of him. This purple piece of paper had a word written on it. The little boy could not read this word, but he tried. He tried so hard that he didn't hear when his mother called to him. Finally she shouted, "Get in here and clean up! You're going to be late for school!" The little boy hurried into the house and closed the door behind him. "Why didn't you come when I called you young man?" His mother asked sternly. "Well, you see. I was playing outside and I found a purple peice of paper. It has a word written on it and I can't read what it says." His mother replied, "Let me see this purple piece of paper. I'll read it and tell you what it says." The little boy hands it to his mother who takes it and reads it to herself. The little boy's mother becomes enraged, "YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SH@T! YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE! GET OUT AND NEVER EVER COME BACK!!!" She shoves the purple piece of paper in his mouth and then kicks him through the door - with out even opening it first! The little boy lays in a heap for awhile and then gets up. Having no where else to go, he heads to school. Needless to say, he is late. His teacher asks, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So I walked here and here I am." Flabbergasted at such a tale, the teacher says, "Let me read the purple piece of paper and I'll tell you what it says." The little boy hesitantly hands the purple piece of paper to his teacher, she reads it. "YOU GODD@MNED LITTLE SON OF A B@TCH!" and hits the little boy with a chair! "TAKE THIS PURPLE PIECE OF PAPER AND GO TO THE PRINCIPLES OFFICE! NOW!" She hits him in the back of the head with a stapler as he stumbles out of the room. When he gets to the principles office, the principle looks at the little boy and says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to come here. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I came here - so here I am." The principle can't believe what he just heard. "Let me see this purple piece of paper." He tells the little boy. The little boy sighs and hands the purple piece of paper to the principle. He reads it. "YOU MOTHER F@@KING LITTLE WORM!!!" and beats the little boy sensless with a lamp! He then drags the little boys limp body to the school board and leaves him there with the purple piece of paper. The school board sits in stunned silence until the little boy comes to. When the little boy comes to, the head of the school board says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body here - so here I am." The school board sat in shock until the head of the school board said, "Give us the purple piece of paper. We'll read it and tell you what it says." The little boy hangs his head and hands them the purple piece of paper. They all crowd around and read it together. Yells of, "YOU FILTHY @SSWIPE!!" and "GOATS@CKING MAGGOT!!!" ring out as they take turns beating the little boy and then throw him through a third story window with the purple piece of paper. Landing in some bushes, the little boy survives and limps away before they can come outside and beat him some more. With no where else to go, the little boy wanders the streets. A police officer sees him and investigates why a little boy his age is not in school and wandering the streets alone. Coming up to the boy, he sees him and says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets - so here I am." The police officer says, "Son, I'll get to the bottom of this. Let me see that purple piece of paper." With hope, the little boy gives the police officer the purple piece of paper. He reads it. "YOU NO GOOD PIECE OF TRASH!!! F@@KING DOG LICKING SCUM!!!" and proceeds to pistol whip the little boy before taking him to the court house and before a judge. The judge sees the little boy and says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets. A police officer found me and asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd get to the bottom of this, so I gave him the purple piece of paper. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Pistol whipped me and brought me here - so here I am." The judge says, "Let me see that purple piece of paper." The little boy hands it to him. He reads it. "SH@T EATING LOW LIFE!!! I'M SENTENCING YOU TO LIFE IN PRISON!!! AND THIS PURPLE PIECE OF PAPER WILL BE YOUR ONLY COMPANY 'TILL THE DAY YOU DIE!!!" and proceeds to beat the little boy with his gavel. When the little boy arrives in prison, the warden sees him and says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets. A police officer found me and asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd get to the bottom of this, so I gave him the purple piece of paper. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Pistol whipped me and took me to the court house before a judge. The judge asked what happened, so I told him. He said to give him the purple piece of paper. So, I did. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with his gavel. Sentenced me and the purple piece of paper to life in prison - so here I am." The warden said, "Well, before anything else, I'll need to see this purple piece of paper." The little boy hands the purple piece of paper to him. He reads it. "YOU VILE LITTLE @SS MUNCHER!!! FORGET LIFE IN PRISON!!! YOU'RE GOING TO THE CHAIR!!! NOW!!!" grabs a gaurds club and beats him. Then drags him to the electric chair and fries the little boy. The little boy opens his eyes to find himself holding the purple piece of paper and standing at the Pearly Gates of heaven. Saint Peter, not expecting the little boy and seeing the state he's in, says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets. A police officer found me and asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd get to the bottom of this, so I gave him the purple piece of paper. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Pistol whipped me and took me to the court house before a judge. The judge asked what happened, so I told him. He said to give him the purple piece of paper. So, I did. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with his gavel. Sentenced me and the purple piece of paper to life in prison. When I got to the prison, the warden asked what happened, so I told him. He said before anything else, he'd have to see the purple piece of paper. so I gave it to him. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with a club and fried me in the electric chair - so here I am." With compassion in his eyes, Saint Peter says, "My poor child. Let me read this purple piece of paper. I shall read it and all will be better." The little boy hands the purple piece of paper to Saint Peter. He reads it. "YOU GODD@MNED C@NT!!!" takes off his halo and beats the little boy whith it, while cursing him with words never heard by mortal beings before. Then casts him down into hell. The little boy lands at the cloven hooves of Satan himself. Rather startled, Satan looks at the little boy and says, "What happened to you!?" Sitting up and taking a deep breath, the little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets. A police officer found me and asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd get to the bottom of this, so I gave him the purple piece of paper. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Pistol whipped me and took me to the court house before a judge. The judge asked what happened, so I told him. He said to give him the purple piece of paper. So, I did. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with his gavel. Sentenced me and the purple piece of paper to life in prison. When I got to the prison, the warden asked what happened, so I told him. He said before anything else, he'd have to see the purple piece of paper. so I gave it to him. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with a club and fried me in the electric chair. When I opened my eyes, I found myself holding the purple piece of paper and standing before the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter. Saint Peter asked what happened, so I told him. He said he would read the purple piece of paper and all will be better. So I gave it to him and he read it. He yelled at me, called me bad names. Cursed me with words never heard by mortal beings before. Beat me with his halo and cast me down here - so here I am." Satan says, "WHOA! Your own mother!? ALL those people!? EVEN Saint Peter!? AND this all started THIS morning!? To a LITTLE BOY!? I have GOT to know this word!!! Don't worry about a thing boy! I LIKE...no. I LOVE things like this! You just give me that purple piece of paper and not only will I tell you what it says, I'll make eternity for you as good as it can possibly be in Hell. You've got it made my boy!" The little boy shrugs and says, "Heck, what have I got to lose?" So he holds out the purple peice of paper. With ecstatic glee, Satan reaches for it with one fiery hand. Grasping it, the purple piece of paper BURST into flames! So, we'll NEVER know what the word on the purple piece of paper was. ------------------ Snypiuer Bard of Terra Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted March 23, 2004 Report Share Posted March 23, 2004 OH MY GAWD!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DL_Snake Posted June 10, 2004 Report Share Posted June 10, 2004 I fell off my chair at the ending...honest!! by damn it's funny =p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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