WrenWind Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 Not yet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't! touch me yet. Let me close my eyes. Now! whisper against my cheek. All of your sweet lies. Stop! I'm not ready for you to go. He just shrugs and sighs. Wait! leave your hand on my cheek. Then he softly cries. Go! quickly now don't look back. Let me quietly die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 Excellent expression. I do like and admire the way the partner's side has been partly revealed, as a reader I feel sorrow for both, though due to the nature and the hot/cold approach I feel more inclined to sympathise with the partner, although (perhaps because?) his own specific thoughts are unknown, we merely see quiet suffering. Well wrote. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted March 11, 2004 Report Share Posted March 11, 2004 I read this and analyzed the way the subject of the poem was thinking. It seemed very dominant from the perspective of the subject who was giving all the orders. This is reflected nicely by the insight of the second party in the line "he just shrugs and sighs". It smacks of someone unsure of what they want which is deftly portrayed at the start of each stanza with a powerful one word expression. It is a perfect redindition in many respects of a lover trying to ease the burden of the person who is in love with he. Try though he may the will of the person who is dying is apparently dominating in a way they feel may be easier for their lover to accept the inevitable. Yet, you show very well that the "dying" one's attempt to be strong in this situation is objectively a smattering of indecision. A very clever poem. So few words but so much said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuki Kokoro Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 I really enjoyed this, the sense that the speaker can't let go, but can't stand to be too close either. The short sentences and confusion bring this out even more strongly; both characters are so torn. The confusion and almost anger I hear in he speaker is nearly as painful as the hurt of the partner. "He just shrugs and sighs," "then he softly cries", this painful confusion shows that there is real love there. It's so hard when one person wants something different than those who love them. Hopperwolf brought up an interesting point though, I may sympathize with him more because any part he has had in this situation is unrevealed. My only other lingering thought is that I'm not sure whether I like the exclamation points. Simply starting the lines with: Don't. or Don't, bring the same pause and demand because it's on its own line, but keep away the... demanding feeling. I realized that I read those lines as more of a plea, a manipulative plea perhaps, but still a plea. Not sure if that's how it's supposed to read though. Very nice poem, glad you shared it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts