Aardvark Posted February 29, 2004 Report Share Posted February 29, 2004 I'm convinced that the pen membership numbers in excess of 366 and that every possible date is a birthday for someone. But 366 birthdays are 365 birthdays a year more than I want to concern myself with. So, this general happy birthyear goes to anyone and everyone. On this year, X years ago, you were all born. X = Your Age in human years There, I'm done If you were wondering what your presents were, I got you all boxes with nothing in them, but then needed the boxes for making an impenetrable fortress of boxy doom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katzaniel Posted February 29, 2004 Report Share Posted February 29, 2004 Katzaniel runs up and grabs the box with her name on it. The fortress wobbles a little, but rights itself. Katzaniel shrugs and runs off with her brand-new empty box. Yay for boxes! Yay for birthdays! Yay for laziness! Katzaniel has a sudden fearful thought: Is there thermite in this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 29, 2004 Report Share Posted February 29, 2004 *BOOM!* ;p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted February 29, 2004 Report Share Posted February 29, 2004 Alaeha looks at the fortress for a moment, assessing the architecture. Shrugging, she takes a random box and scratches out "Aardvark", replacing it with "Alaeha". Yay! I heart boxes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valdar and Astralis Posted March 1, 2004 Report Share Posted March 1, 2004 But Aardvark, we share birthdays, remember? Valdar chucks his birthday box pre-emptiveley into a small portal into a seperate reality, where it is worshipped by the natives as a god until the energy weapon contained within detonates on April the 8th, carrying the friendly villagers, and sixteen other nearby colonies into their next life. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 Wyvern staggers into Cabaret Room and humbly bows to all of those that are present, as well as to all of the presents, which have been neatly gathered into a single pile. Taking out a small list and scratching his scaley chin, the overgrown lizard quickly nails up a sign that reads "Belated Almost Dragonic Brand Creative Birthday Responses, Volume One." The overgrown lizard then takes out a projector and several rolls of film, and begins playing them on the span of a nearby wall... A blank screen is projected for a moment. Then, the following words appear: "The following preview has been rated 'G,' for Generations Late. All audiences can view this preview and see Wyvern's extremely belated creative response to Wrenwind's birthday thread, as he had promised her one eventually." The projection shows static for a moment, then the black and white image of a woman standing in a field of low budget Almost Dragonic Brand Poppy flower props appears. The camera zooms in to the face of the woman to reveal that of Wrenwind, with fresh tear eyedrops dabbed below her eyes courteousy of Wyvern's Fake Tear Tissue. Wrenwind's mouth moves for a moment, then the screen switches to a box of dialogue: "X-Xaious, what are you doing here?" The screen cuts from the dialogue box to the stern figure of Xaious the Master of Time, now standing beside Wrenwind in the fields. The camera zooms into his face to reveal more freshly dabbed tears, and his mouth moves for a moment. Another dialogue box then appears: "Oh Wrenwind... I went back in time to cheesy silent black and white movies just to be with you! Won't you be mine?" An extremely outdated dramatic musical score cues up in the background as Wrenwinds lips move and another dialogue box appears: "I'm sorry, Xaious, but my heart belongs to another." The screen switches to a scene in which Psimon is seen being kidnapped by pirates, chased by fire breathing dragons, and terrorized by zombies and vampires. In his hands, throughout the entire ordeal, he holds a fresh bouquet of poppies. The screen then darkens and the dramatic outdated music grows louder as the title of the film appears: "Gone With the Wrenwind" ----- The screen goes blank again for a moment, then another preview begins playing: "The following preview has been rated PG, for Pretty Goddang late. Some audiences can view this preview for a belated response to Canid's birthday thread" The screen switches to an image of an owl's nest, the shot now in color and with sound. The owl in the nest turns its head to the camera, only to hoot in shock and fall straight out of its resting place. The screen then switches to the image of a deer next to its mother. cradling its head against her chest warmly. The deer and the mother both turn their heads to the camera, and immediatly run away in shock upon seeing it. The screen cuts to another image, this one of two alligators in a moat, hungrily feasting upon a careless human tourist. Turning their eyes to the camera, the alligators quickly duck their heads under the water. The screen cuts to a final image, this one of a member of the Canadian NDP political party with the head of a cobra plotting some bribes, who quickly slithers away upon seeing the camera. The title of the film is displayed in block letters on the screen: "Canid Camera" ----- The screen goes blank for a moment, then another preview starts up: "The following preview has been rated R, for Really Late. Viewers may see a belated response to Gyrfalcons birthday thread, but parental discretion is strongly advised." The screen goes dark as a gravly announcer voice cues up. "From the maker of 'Gyrfalcon the Movie' and 'Why Katzaniel should Devote her Affections to Wyvern' comes a new thriller... so scary..." Cuts to a quick flash of a man running through a dark alley. "You'll be holding onto your geld." Another quick flash of an image of the running man, this time cued up along with a gasp for "HELP!" "So frightening..." Flashes to image of the running man. This time, we see that he's a half-elf and that he's running away from the paparazzi. "... you'll wish you'd have stayed home and not seen it." Extremely fast-paced suspense music cues up as the names of the actors flash by at an alarming rate: "GyrfalconNoDessu,Racouol,Cheyenne,lumpenproletariat,P51mus Peredhil31,Immortalis,Ozymandias,Zool'srubberchicken, andWyvernin..." *Cue shrieks of horror in the background, followed by the terrified exclamation "What do you mean we don't have a script?! AaaaaAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!"* "The Making of Gyrfalcon the Movie" ----- The screen goes blank yet again, and then a final preview cues up: "This preview has been rated NC-17, for Not Completely Late Through at Least 17 Minutes Behind Schedule. No viewers under 17 minutes late are allowed to view this response to Zools birthday thread. WARNING: add contains excessive rubber chickens and hair pieces, parental discretion is strongly advised." 70s funk music cues up as the image of Zool walking down a crowded avenue in a purple body suite appears, his toupee resting on the opening of the suite to mimick chest hair. The screen flashes the words "Steamy Action!" The image of Zool standing next to a steaming tea kettle flashes by. "Hot Drama!" The same image of Zool next to a steaming tea kettle flashes by, only this time he touches the tea kettle and burns his hand. "And some of the Wildest Love Makin You've Ever Seen!" The image of Zool's Toupee making out with an afro toupee at a convenience store flashes by. From behind a corner of a convenience store shelf, Zool's rubber chicken watches the scene as it transpires, clucking to himself lustfully. The title of the film speeds by just as the rubber chicken lets out a "BuckAAA!" "ZOOLander" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xaious, Master of Time Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 ..... ..... *wipes a tear away, busting out laughing* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 *laughs* Gooooo Wyvern! We never did have a script... oh gods, why didn't we have a script... *rocks back and forth* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Celes Crusader Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 *rofl* Wyvern, you are crazy indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Wyvern slides into the Cabaret Room wearing a fluffy white chef hat and a tattered cooking apron. Tagging a pin that reads "Belated Almost Dragonic Brand Creative Birthday Responses, Volume Two" to his outfit, he waves a claw in the air and strikes a toothy grin to the audience of one. Shiny the Elder Dwarf, dressed in a drive-in waitress outfit with traditional shiny rollerblades, claps her hands glumly in long minute intervals as the lizard hobbles towards the makeshift cooking table. She sighs and glances at her glow-in-the-dark watch as the lizard dumps cooking utensils onto the table, feeling a sudden urge to skate a figure eight the heck out of the room. "Greetingsss, and welcome to the Almost Dragonic Brand Traditional Birthday Cooking Show, a belated celebration for several significant pennite birthdays. I'm your host, Wyvern D. Almostchef, and this is my assistant Shiny A. Halfawaitress. We'll be covering several significant recipes this eve-" Wyvern pauses as something explodes within a nearby oven, and quickly signals to Shiny to cover for it. The Elder Dwarf gracefully skates towards the messy oven as Wyvern jumps at a pot that has begun the overflow, clamping a lid onto it and sealing it with duct tape. The lizard flashes a nervous grin, then hisses: "Our firssst recipe of the evening is Loki Wyrd Cupcakes, an intriguing delicacy that will go perfectly with your next poetry gathering. The cupcakes must be cooked at a low key temperature, and should obviously be baked in weird shapes. Atop each cupcake should be placed a small gem... unfortunately I'm uncertain how many are needed per batch. Needless to say they're deliciousss. Shiny, the batch!" Shiny nods and grabs a large platter that has been set in the corner of the room. She clinches a pin over her nose and heads towards Wyvern's table, setting the tray down only to reveal that the sample batch of cupcakes has become moldy. Wyvern cringes as he looks over the batch, noticing that the pastries date back to January 24, 2005 . He sighs and shakes his head. "Delicious" repeats the overgrown lizard apologetically, taking the batch and tossing it to the side. "For the next part of our program, we'd like to demonstrate how to remove kitten hairs from cake batter using only your bare hands. Shiny, the doors." Shiny nods and removes the pin from her nose, pocketing it as she skates and twirls to the Cabaret Room doors. She opens the doors and stumbles backwards as a hoard of kitten minions swarms into the room, accompanied by a disco howler monkey and a kitten-covered Loremaster (who howls even louder than the monkey). As kittens begin invading the kitchen area and nibbling on the moldy cupcakes, Wyvern exclaims: "Now, it helps if you have a Gryphon 's talon for this process to be accurate, but it really is simply a matter of knocking out the surrounding kittens long enough to search for the hairs in the batter. If worse comes to worse, you can substitute the cake recipe with a banana split... disco howler monkies are good at that sorta thing, after all." The kittens are chased back out of the room by Ozymandias, who manages to untangle them from his tunic long enough to air a few menacing death threats. Wyvern watches in amusement as the Loremaster goes racing after them, his curses echoing down the hall. "Always nice to see someone supporting the death and destruction of cute and innocent kittens..." The lizard clears his throat of a few ashes and grins. "Up next, a piece of useful cooking advice for aspiring cooks transfering into college. Remember: the size of kitchens in the dormitories should play a significant role in determing where you end up, don't fall into a revery thinking that all colleges cater to cooks. Of course, you could always invest in a nifty Almost Dragonic Brand Portable Kitchen while supplies last, though apparently the offer ends on March 31rst. Wyvern considers this for a moment, then lets out a long sigh when he realizes that that was about a week ago. Shrugging to himself, he signals to Shiny with a claw and watches as the Elder dwarf fetches him an odd-looking appliance. "For the final part of this show, I'll be advertising a new kind of kitchen utensil." Wyvern grins as he grabs the pair of Almost Dragonic Brand Mannequin Arms from Shiny's hands. "Introducing Almost Dragonic Brand Prosthetic Limb Potholders, built from the same products you may have seen such celebrities as Tanuchan use in the Recruiter's Office. Observe." Shiny backs away as Wyvern uses the arms to grab at the duct-tape sealed pot, managing to clench it just as the top explodes and goes flying into the air. The lizard lifts the pot only to be struck on the head as the lid falls and hits him, collapsing over and dumping the boiling water onto himself in the process. Shiny slaps a hand on her forehead and shuts her eyes as almost dragonic screams echo through the Cabaret Room for a long moment. ;-p OOC: A Happy belated to all. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akallabeth Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! *Walks away laughing* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted June 15, 2006 Report Share Posted June 15, 2006 Wyvern bites the tip of his no. 666 pencil, coiling his tail around an illusionary flower bush and staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. The overgrown lizard taps a claw and stretches his wings a bit, then begins drawing a series of jagged lines across the sheet in Almost Dragonic Brand Finnius Spit Blue Ink. He scrawls "Belated Almost Dragonic Brand Creative Birthday Responses, Volume Three" at the head of the page, then places his pencil on one of his horns and examines the sheet in all its trigometric glory. [Carnival Booth Birthday Blueprints] > Blueprint A: the Kyttatonic Soapbox Derby Booth Components: soapbox, cotton balls, pheonix feathers, kitten hair, token dwarf with speech impediment. Synopsis: A Carnival booth to be run by Mynx or CheerMynx, based on the original blueprint design and materials provided by Stoomp. Gifts of soapbox and pheonix summoning would be used to form a "pay for the latest hat fashion" booth, in which pennites would be awarded stylish derby hats made out of soapboxes. Potential designs could include a combustible (and easily disposable!) pheonix feathered cap, as well as a "soap still inside the box" beret for those too lazy (or busy) to wash hair on a regular basis. The soapbox hats could also be used as makeshift parachutes for beginners taking CheerMynx's Flying Lessons. Ownership: Blueprint will be mailed as a gift to Mynx's recent celebration, via paper airplane. > Blueprint B: the RepiCAW Reply Stand Components: wooden counter, porcelain bird figurines, disgruntled Reply Raven, popsicle cooler. Synopsis: A Carnival booth to be run by Cioden Darkeye and Falcon's Reply Raven. Those who wish to brave the stand would be blindfolded and directed to a series of porcelain bird figurines. Under the pressure of the Reply Raven's incessent cawing and Cioden's discomforting presence, the blindfolded contestent would have to answer questions about specific traits of the bird figurine they touch. Lack of response would cause the Raven to start pecking. Those lucky enough to exit unscathed would recieve a free cherry popsicle. Ownership: Blueprint will be sent to Falcon2K1's Pen birthday warming, in the form of a paper mache ship. > Blueprint C: the All You Can Eat Raw Meat Feast Components: dead rabbits and deer, trees, a large bush, tooth and claw. Synopsis: A Carnival Food bush to be hosted by Canid, offering the very latest and freshest in dead game. No utensils or tables or any other fancy eat-out add-ons. Meals would come "gutted," "decapitated," or "still twitching." No candles would be seen on Canid's birthday carcass, to keep the rawness pure and avoid any potential grilling. Any relations of dead rabbits to the Mr. Bunny family bloodline would be purely coincidental. Ownership: This blueprint will be tacked to the tree that the paper was taken from as a gift for Canid's viewing pleasure. OOC: I'm sure I've probably forgotten some people, but just wanted to wish a belated Happy Birthday to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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