dragonqueen Posted January 6, 2004 Report Share Posted January 6, 2004 Well, winter break is over, and we're back at school, which I absolutely loathe, not so much as the learning, but the people in it. Back to the freak fest. Another mindless day In the wyvern's nest. Goths, preps and punks, Paraded before my eyes, Sunk in a routine funk. Nothing's ever new, Nothing's ever different. Everything's taken on a grayish hue. I've grown to hate them, Day by boring day. Is it this from which my loneliness stems? I believe I might go insane If I must stay here. Is this to be my bane? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merelas Posted January 7, 2004 Report Share Posted January 7, 2004 Hmm. I really enjoyed this. I know what you mean... I don't feel it on the level of the speaker (since I don't know if this is how you really feel or not...), but I can definately get tired of school all to quick. You displayed this pretty well, using some bold words and connecting the rhyme scheme in an unobtrusive way. The only thing I didn't like was that the last stanza sounded a little bit... off... I'm sorry if I can't fully explain, it's just that it seemed in that ONE stanza, you seemed to break from the cleaness, the ease of expression that you had in the rest. On another note, I like the three-verse stanza form... I've never seen it used before, but maybe because I'm not exactly what you would call a "poetry student". Lol. Good work, I hope to see more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted January 7, 2004 Report Share Posted January 7, 2004 (edited) Nothin to see in this reply *blush* I made a boo boo. Edited January 7, 2004 by HopperWolf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted January 7, 2004 Report Share Posted January 7, 2004 I have to agree with merelas here. The last line seems a little rushed, and where you make a point at the end of every other stanza this one seems a little lacking. Having said that, though, the piece is very good. Close to my own heart in that this is how I found school to be for me too I especially love the first two stanzas as they seem to me to be the most pointed. keep it comin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts