Loki Wyrd Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 (edited) Faces hang on the wall, Looking out at me; Stuck in a moment For all eternity. Troubled by the changes That have come about; Struggling in silence, Taken in by doubt. I can't help but pity them, Poor souls they are; Once they were so special, In a time that's now so far. And I can't help but wonder Why it is I stay; I must leave this place, I have to walk away. It is not to happen, I can't move at all; For now I'm but a picture Hanging on the wall. I know, this is my usual rhyme scheme. But I like it, so I don't care. I'm no poet, just a simple guy that like to write some lines of verse in his free time. I just hope others can enjoy reading it, as I enjoy writing it (most times). Edited December 5, 2003 by Loki Wyrd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X-Sabre Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 w00t, you tell'em Loki! Cool work, I like reading it. But you should try being nicer, like me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beautiful Nightmare Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Cool poem and so what if you use the same ryhming scheme? its what makes you you! And beside you write excellent poetry and this poem is no exception! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted December 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 (edited) I don't think I could manage that X-Sabre, one can only be so nice before they snap. And thank you Arwen, your kind words are much appreciated. Edited December 7, 2003 by Loki Wyrd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted December 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2003 Entrapped within my tomb I scratch with bloody fingers, From which the pain still lingers. I perceive my doom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuki Kokoro Posted December 7, 2003 Report Share Posted December 7, 2003 I really like this second poem you posted, the rhyme scheme especially (however, I do agree that there's nothing wrong with finding a rhyme scheme you like and sticking with it ). I just think this rhyme structure is what makes it sound like a song to me; my mind tries to sing it as I read, which I enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted December 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2003 My greatest inspiration is the "Crooked wheels of rhyme" (Dylan...not Dylan Thomas, Bob Dylan) that is music. So oftentimes my rhyme scheme is rather simplistic, and typical even. But I find it reads well that way (for me at least), almost as if it was intended to be sung. Tell me what you think of this next one: Insanity has taken me, Taken me away from it all. Where once I was a stranger, Where once I was so small; Now I live my life, I live it as I would Were I truly free, As only here I could, For only here I could be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuki Kokoro Posted December 8, 2003 Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 To me it doesn't sound as song-like as the A B B A rhyme scheme, sorry. Here the syllables fall into more of a set pattern that makes it more like poetry to my mental ears. In my mind songs have a looser quality. I liked the topic very much though. My only suggestion would to to turn "could" into "can" in the the last line. The two 'could's right on top of each other make it less clear what you mean and I think the tense change would support the present tense of the poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted December 8, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 Yuki, that last one wasn't supposed to be song-like, sorry for making that unclear. And I like the second could...it sounds kind of rough and awkward, but that's how it was intended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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