Alaeha Posted October 3, 2003 Report Share Posted October 3, 2003 I decided to try writing a Villanelle. After working on it for... about an hour, give or take... I have this. Any suggestions, comments, complaints, etc. are more than welcome... The Bay The tide ebbs slowly out, and drifts away as light beams down, and forms a brilliant glare. Light blinds with glee the poor men on the bay. The sands were soft, and safe from heaven's ray when tides were high. But now, you men, beware... the tide ebbs slowly out, and drifts away. The sun glows on the sand throughout the day, and when the tides go out, without a care, light blinds with glee the poor men on the bay. The children here were merrily at play, and now they cry, for they did not prepare... the tide ebbs slowly out, and drifts away. The ground beneath their feet is soft, like clay, yet glistens underneath Sol's threat'ning glare. Light blinds with glee the poor men on the bay. The day at first looked dismal, dark and gray... yet, as the heat grows far too great to bear, the tide ebbs slowly out, and drifts away. Light blinds with glee the poor men on the bay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted October 3, 2003 Report Share Posted October 3, 2003 wow... *stutter* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted October 3, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2003 ... "Wow"? *Confused look* I'm not that impressed with it, myself... It was mostly a challenge that I thought people might appreciate. A villanelle is so repetitive that I figured you'd probably be sick of it when you finished... To give a brief-ish explanation, the structure is as follows: A line marked by A is just a line with the same ending as all the other A lines. A line marked by A1 is a repetition (or the first instance) of the first line of the first stanza A line marked by A2 is a repetition (or the first instance) of the third line of the first stanza. Stanza 1: A1,B,A2 Stanza 2: A,B,A1 Stanza 3: A,B,A2 Stanza 4: A,B,A1 Stanza 5: A,B,A2 Stanza 6: A,B,A1,A2, Or for those who understand it better this way: A villanelle is a poem of six stanzas with the rhyme scheme ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABAA. The first line of the first stanza is the third line of the second, fourth, and sixth stanzas. The third line of the first stanza is also the last line of the third, fifth, and sixth stanzas. Whichever explanation makes more sense to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yui-chan Posted October 3, 2003 Report Share Posted October 3, 2003 That structure is fascinating. I can't comment on the poem as a whole, because I seem to have poem-lexia or something. I can't catch the rhythm correctly. (A common problem for me, I'm afraid, and nothing to do with your writing. ) I can say, however, that I love the lines you've chosen to repeat. The structure and word usage make for as much flow as the Bay that is the topic. Great job. Yours, ~Yui Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow of the Butterfly Posted September 10, 2004 Report Share Posted September 10, 2004 awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted September 15, 2004 Report Share Posted September 15, 2004 (edited) *grins* Ok this I like, its rhythm is so cool, and the image is given lay upon layer of clarity by the repitition. And, You just taught me more about poetic style........ I gotta try one.... *Grabs wand and looks around for muse* Edited September 15, 2004 by cryptomancer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted September 18, 2004 Report Share Posted September 18, 2004 I know very little about styles of poetry so I cannot comment in that regard. I felt the tale was about fishermen/fishing village? I could be completely off but I thought it was a very good way of super-imposing the movement of the tides in and out over the monotony of such an occupation that is dependent almost wholly on the forces of nature. I felt it very interesting that you personified the sun which seemed to take delight in inflicting further misery upon those poor folk. As I say, I cannot comment on the style, but I can on what I liked and I enjoyed this poem. Thank you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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