Appy Posted September 18, 2003 Report Share Posted September 18, 2003 (edited) ~I woke up with this in my head, some ppl might find this difficult to read, for that, my apologies... I present to you the tiniest story I've come up with so far ~ ***************************** ......."Why do you do that?" she said suddenly "Why do I do what?" he replied, while stirring the milk through his third cup of coffee "You mean joking around a lot?" ......."Yes, you know as well as I do that clowns are often sad on the inside.. don't you think other people will know?" "Perhaps I am not that kind of clown, sister. Consider that" .......She laughed, crystal clear but honing. "You honestly think I don't know you brother-dear?" She pushed her spoon around the base of her cup, sending it tinkling along the edge of the art-deco saucer. "I just often wonder what would happen if you wouldn't act that way" she looked in his eyes "Would you have raped me?" .......He leaned forward. Opened his mouth and two letters almost became visible, hovering above the ashtray that was inbetween them "NO" .......There they were, 2 super-powers, brought forth at the same time. They had shared the same womb and a lot more. And now the world held it's breath. ......."Would you still hold me dear and tender if you would stop joking around brother?" The world swivelled it's eyes from one to the other, little drops of sweat forming on it's forehead. .......For a full five minutes she stared into his eyes. He let her. 'See little sister, see that I am not, what you think I could be. Your mother made sure little sister..you mother made sure.' .......The world wiped it's forehead and started breathing again. Like a Virgin from Madonna was still playing in the background, the bus at the busstop closed it's doors noisily. At the bar someone was laughing. She smiled her special smile and sipped at her coffee. .......She knew. Edited November 7, 2003 by Appy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degenero Angelus Posted September 19, 2003 Report Share Posted September 19, 2003 (edited) Good story, if a bit odd. I like the symbolism. I don't often come here, so this is kinda a special trip. Besides, I like most fo the stuff you write. [Edited, 'cuz Deg's an idiot.] Edited September 19, 2003 by Degenero Angelus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted September 19, 2003 Report Share Posted September 19, 2003 ... Odd... It might make more sense with more background. It's interesting... But it just seems a bit strange to me. Perhaps because you don't know who or what the characters actually are... Just my thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrenWind Posted September 19, 2003 Report Share Posted September 19, 2003 intresting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted September 19, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2003 *blushes* (for the second time today, I hope it won't become a habit!) Thanks Deg Aleaha; I agree that it is Odd and Strange and that when you read you really have no idea What you are reading... and that was the purpose.... I think.. Like I said, I woke up with this in my head.. in Full, and it wanted to be written.. and it refused to be in poem-form or I would've done that.. One reason why I'll keep hugging this story is that it made me get up and write it down.. otherwise I probably wouldn't have come out of bed at all that day. One little background thingy that I Can give is that both persons are perfectly normal humans (apart from being twins) .. super-power seemed appropriate because that word has been used so often lately.. I wanted to give it a twist Oh my.. i'm starting to guess that there IS more to this story then what I've written down... Thank you for asking Aleaha, you rebooted my mind on this topic *hugs wren* thanks hun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted November 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2003 (edited) ~ <edit> I made a significant change in the story. I was playing around with making my own website and so re-read this too... he should say "NO" on her question if he would rape here... not on the "hold dear"-question.. if that made sense to anyone. I also added the little (......) dots, to represent the tabs in the original format, it give it more impact imo, and it being my story.. I use tabs a lot. They are part of it I'm rambling and still didn't have any coffee... sorry to take up your time *Appy out* </edit> ~ Edited November 7, 2003 by Appy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illianna Wolfsong Posted November 7, 2003 Report Share Posted November 7, 2003 The one thing clearly captured here is a sickly-sweet truth that is as disturbing as any facts that may occur. In dysfunction, the only sanity is to act like it is normalcy. There may be comments made to disclose pain, but the delivery of the disclosure acts to belie the depth and enormity of the damage done. Brief. Disquieting. Interrupted. Well done in it's ability to capture interest and to evoke emotion... or perhaps to evoke physical discomfort. All things worthy of praise. -Illi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted November 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2003 *blush* thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted November 7, 2003 Report Share Posted November 7, 2003 Definitely an interesting piece, Appy. The conflict present in it is intriguing... though the resolution left me somewhat confused. The phrase "she knew" at the end seems kinda unecessary to me, since it doesn't give us any insight into her thoughts or emotions... It would be nice if we got some sense of how the brothers final reaction affects her. I really like the manner in which this piece is written, as it's original and certainly grabs the readers attention. Though you noted that you had a clear idea of the story when you woke up, I'm with Alaeha in that I'd love to see this get expanded upon with back story! I'm particularly intrigued in learning more about the reference of how "mother made sure..." By the way, I really liked when the brother responsed "Maybe I'm not that kind of clown, sister," as well as the original details you used such as the manner in which the spoon is turned around the coffee cup. Interesting stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted November 8, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2003 hmm.. First of all, thank you for your nice words wyv, very much appreciated. Further, thanks for making suggestions... and I agree.. the She knew seems too much ... But no one knows yet what her special smile IS.. so I'll leave it in for now.. I 'will' do my best to figure out the rest of this story, I am curious myself.. but no promises. My field is Poetry.. I gave up on writing long ago, and I can't even think of the reason right now.. should try to find that I guess (I was 8 I think) Again.. Thanks.. you all make me think about this some more... can't thank you enough for that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted October 5, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2004 (edited) ~ addition to the little world I created here... conversation takes place a few tables away from the first pair. Different style, same mysterious trend (I hope) ;; ~ "And then I said:" 'm going for a ciggy" and he went "No way!" and I said "Way!" and he "No way..." and..." "Alright, alright!" He threw up his hands in defeat. "So you started smoking again, big deal. What does all of this have to do with anything?" The girl sipped her coke and gave him a questioning look. "You really have no idea do you..." He shook his head. As always she amazed him. How could someone appear to be so confident to the outside while constantly questioning the world, its people and their actions, the way she did? And on top of that be cute and have this don't-mess-with-me attitude? From the moment they met up at the bus station at the university to go for a drink here, she had been going on about her classmates in her typical high-school-girl way. How stupid some of them had been in her Human Rights course, leading right up to this conversation between her and this.. this 'cafeteria boy' she had befriended. He asked her what it all mattered. "You really have no idea, do you?" she said, giving him her Don't-You-See look. He shook his head and thought of reaching for her hand. To express mutuality of course... They really did have a lot in common. She often felt outcast, he was outcast. Both their parents worked around the clock leaving nothing more than a lot of money for them to spend however they choose. And both of them grew up as single child. Granted, he did have a way older brother somewhere, but the age difference was big enough to regard him more as an uncle abroad. His hand moved to meet hers. So much in common... "I stopped for him in the first place! Now he'll never ask me to be his girl, you idiot!" For long the only sound heard was the tinkle of a spoon against a coffeecup. It was as if a bucket of ice dripped down his spine. He froze, his hand halfway across the table. What? No... she didn't just say that. She didn't... she couldn't have! Not this girl destined to be his. Not her. No... But she had. Edited October 8, 2004 by Appy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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