Appy Posted September 13, 2003 Report Share Posted September 13, 2003 (edited) ~this I wrote in 1994, originally in dutch, posted below it for those that can understand it... lol~ Raindrops It's raining Thick drops fall from the sky It's raining Thoughts in my head I try to catch them Like a small child tries to catch snowflakes in it's mouth As soon as you have one it dissapears Like music they weave thoughts about the past thoughts on you aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I scream but nobody's looking I don't exist not for you not for anybody I seek for words about the past ------------------------------ Regendruppels Het regent dikke druppels vallen uit de hemel Het regent gedachten in mijn hoofd Ik probeer ze te vangen zoals een klein kind sneeuwvlokken probeert te vangen met zijn mond Zodra je er één hebt is hij meteen weer weg Als muziek golven ze door gedachten over vroeger gedachten aan jou aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ik gil maar niemand kijkt ik besta niet niet voor jou niet voor niemand Ik zoek naar woorden voor vroeger ~edited the "I search" to "I seek" in light of a better translation~ Edited September 14, 2003 by Appy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted September 13, 2003 Report Share Posted September 13, 2003 I like it! Crazy 14 year olds....write better than I do.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merelas Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Excellent work. I'm very impressed. I especially like the fact that you posted the Dutch Version... I don't know dutch, but reading it in it's original tongue, and then going back to the translation was just... special Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louveteau Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Appy, nice poem. It kinda reminds me of my mind though mine is more like a storm And about your translation, after reading the dutch version, I think you might have better used "seek" instead of "search". And the dutch version is probably slightly better. But that's cause it's an original and translations are almost always less powerfull. And translating a poem or a story is difficult, especially if you want to stay into the same frame and not ruin it's natural flow. But who am I to comment on stuff Can't even remind my own stormy thoughts so it might take a long time before I post a poem or a story but eventually you'll all get a chance to break me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted September 14, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Heh, thanks for all your comments, and Louv, you are right! Seek sounds better.. thank you I'm glad I posted the original version now, even though I didn't expect any dutch people around that soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted September 14, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 (edited) ~Now that i'm finally kinda happy with the translation I figured I'd post this one in this thread aswell, seeing as it is also originally in dutch and was written in 1996. The stanza with the "" is the refrain(sp?) of a song by a band that helped me tons in those days, they made me write down my thoughts, since their own lyrics so much resembled poems on their own. Enjoy ~ Again And I'm so tired already Trains thunder through my head each carriage filled with thoughts "Fleeing from Yesterday Repressed by Today Caught in Tomorrow" The world below me is a turning globe The world above me is one big nothing The world around me does not make me feel It doesn't exist anymore Only I am left Alone.. with too many people around me Original: Opnieuw En ik ben al zo moe treinen denderen door m'n hoofd elke wagon gevuld met gedachten "Voor gister op de vlucht door vandaag teneer gedrukt in morgen gevangen" De wereld onder mij is een draaiende bol De wereld boven mij is één groot niets De wereld om mij heen doet me helemaal niks hij bestaat niet meer Alleen ik ben er nog Alleen... met te veel mensen om me heen ~edited, I crashed while posting this, and my revisions were gone.. I only realised that after posting. The line "does not make me feel" isn't the original, revised line, but for now it will do *sighs and kicks her computer several times*~ Edited September 14, 2003 by Appy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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