madhatter

I liked this one I'd also like to welcome to the Pen and I hope that you have a pleasant stay I'm loving how you've already submitted so many works.. definitely keep it up The only thing I have to say to help you would be that I think the title is a little too weak for such a passionate and powerful poem. Also, what meter/rhyme are you using, or are you going for a sort-of freestyle?

Thanks so much Ayshela And its great to be back!

Mazrim/madhatter Period 4 Bio test is long and tiring Voices drone on and boring End of sighing Pencils scratch on faded pen ink Students continue smelling stink Dissect in sink Chemicals in big beakers boil Test and examine substance in foil Drops of some oil Bio test is long and tiring Voices drone on and boring End of sighing *Was absent, did not get worksheet Was not in purple tray OOC: As assignment in English class for trochaic rhyme. Sigh, I know its bad enough I'm posting up an assignment but whats worse is that I slacked off and wrote it in literally 15 minutes during my biology class . Hence the bio theme. *cringes- so I'm not quite sure how good my trochaic rhyme is, its a little hard under the time constraints* Oh and the bottom * was scrawled in messy handwriting - a note to my teacher But I still look forward to comments. And please if you can spot if my trochaic was messed up, please let me know, and if its fine, let me know too Oh and I forgot to make a subtitle that I'm buying off my Weenie status...

Great job! I especially loved the structure and the blue font, which definitely made the piece.

my haiku for you is special in many ways i heart you long time OOC: I wrote this a couple of days ago for a friend. It's a little silly, and I came up with it spontaneously. But if I were to look back on it now, this is how I would analyze it. The syllables are correct. The grammar is lacking, but if anything it might put more of an emphasis on an unconventional poem. The heart you long time, is a sortof reference/allusion to Full Metal Jacket where the ahem... prostitute says to one of the American soldiers "I love you long time, or something of the sort." Wow, it actually took me longer to analyze it then to write it. But thanks for your time, I just thought it has been too long since I last posted.

Hehe thank you Tanny for the war welcome and the encouragment. Yes, for the final stanza I was hoping to create a feeling of that frustrated and depleted poet. I'm glad it came out.

[b]Spiral of Descent[/b] Round, round, round Rotating, twirling, spinning, No gravity, not a pound Not a reason to be grinning And yet he was Broad smile, ear to ear, Was this just madness, or a man beyond his years Engulfed by a pain Still the smile will remain He had lost his love It had flown far away Like the white dove How could it stay Once bliss reigned Now pain plagued Yet remembrance lifts Conquering the painful rifts The smile continues It is better to have loved even small Than to have never loved at all OOC: A pretty fast work for my standards. Hoping to receive some criticism. Thanks.

A very unique poem. I enjoyed the read. Too bad I my day dreams are never too fasntastic.

The old typewriter keys clang Ruffled paper shifted through Let alone ending with a bang Poet must finish before date due Mistakes of grammar and spelling were spaced and commonplace Reminiscent of coarse yelling The words were rude and crude The paper was done The poet had won But at what cost His skill was lost OOC: My first poem written in a long while. Since my last contribution to The Pen in fact. Er, it's a little rusty, so I'm very open to criticisms. In reality, the poem really did only take me 5 minutes, and the premise of the poem was based on the time it took me. Thanks in advance.

Hehe thanks again to everyone for their postive comments. And I'll try to work on my writing.

Thanks And the suggestion is greatly appreciated.

Doh, sorry about that. Er, if someone could just delete the other one... . Sorry again. I got the mail error so I thought it didn't post...

Mail Error! SMTP protocol failure! Host: localhost Return Code: 501 Return Msg: 501 RCPT must have an address operand Invision Power Board Error: Check your SMTP settings from the admin control panel

My first attempt at writing a poem. You guys are an inspiration . I look forward to some constructive criticism. Paranoid Their eyes' shift Hearts pound Paranoia's gift But nothing's found Running away Far too far where death lay Among a star Friends are gone Love is lost Pain has won Hiding is a must It is done far too fast With a gun It didn't last