Ayshela

Wonderful! i should really be in bed now, but i couldn't stop reading.

 

i'd second all the stuff said above, and note one other thing: unless i missed it, we never *did* find out what R'Tearin had to say about Donaxen.

 

and a side note regarding him also, Ludia's attitude toward him seems inconsistent with her general attitude toward men. Is this intentional? Is there a history here which would illuminate the reason - for her attitude toward men, her attitude toward him in particular, or both?

 

and purely personally, it's a darned shame it wasn't Ma'aten squished under the section of wall. :-\

 

Excellent characterization. i really like the way we get to know each character as "real people". And now i'll go join the lineup of people eagerly awaiting the next installment.

at a guess, i'd say it's because the happier emotions are more fleeting and difficult to grasp. Anger, bitterness, hatred, sadness... they linger like a choking miasma. Their flavour, their texture, their weight, is easier to distinguish and thus to describe.

(whew)

(catching my breath)

if this is typical of what you consider "not that good" i can't wait to read those stories you write which you actually *like*!

wow. that's a *lot* of weight to carry around!

Welcome!

OOC:

 

WOOT!! e-mail winging its way to you.

Happy Happy Birthday!!!

Okay, is a disclaimer for personal opinion needed here?

 

i don't think it's so much a matter of people "still living their sheltered little lives" as it is a matter of respect. Belief in God, or a Higher Being, or a power greater than we are, or whatever you believe in, is not necessarily a sign of weakness or unwillingness to deal with reality. It is simply a different belief, and as deserving of respect as yours is. By its very nature, the phrase which was objected to *is* disrespectful and therefore objectionable.

 

Would a disclaimer help? If it's in the personality of the character to be crude, disrespectful and objectionable, perhaps a disclaimer to that effect would be helpful. If it's a matter of your own "voice" leaking through your writing unintentionally, a bit of care for others beliefs would not be amiss.

 

All of which is still subject to the ultimate authority of Board Policy.

 

In the end, though, it's really not an unreasonable request because even in the context of the rest of what you wrote it detracts attention from an otherwise interesting and entertaining post.

oh yeah! and i remembered this when i woke up this morning:

 

in Metamorphosis,

All I hope is to not act with greed and take too much for than…

than should be then, being time relative.

wow.

umm.. i'm probably the *worst* person to comment on multi-piece posts, because they tend to bleed over into each other's space and i find myself staring at the screen overwhelmed.

However, i don't want you thinking it isn't worth comment, either.

so... let's see...

 

As I delve into the answers I’ve sought long and hard

More questions arise

This is a very good point! A fitting beginning for what may be the ultimate in questioning, neatly bracketing this piece at the end. Nicely done.

 

Metamorphosis - just a couple things here. This is a concept i personally like to work with, and you've done a nice job here.

 

Changed I have,

And change more I will.

The grammar here is a little strange, and interrupts the flow. Was this done deliberately, for some purpose i'm not seeing?

 

also, on the last line:

All will be gone… and my metamorphism the cause.

did you mean metamorphosis, here?

 

 

Nightfall, i wonder only if the repetition of "ponder" was deliberate emphasis, or if some variation would suit your purpose better. Beyond that, it's a nice piece and i really have no other comment.

 

 

Black and White - really no comment here. We could get into some interesting philosophical discussions on the concepts, but this is neither time nor place for that.

 

Past - rather has a feel of the paralysis of being caught squarely between fight and flight. <_>

 

Better - a couple things here.

 

A world to live

perhaps, a world to live in? Or did you specifically mean a living world? Which you mean is a bit unclear.

 

For we is I.

i love this.

 

 

You've got some really good stuff here.

 

And if you haven't been welcomed in yet, WELCOME!

i like this!

captured moments of normal life, details intact, placed under a spotlight for a moment.

assumptions and misperceptions of those looking on, who only see the surface of another's life,

contrasted with the view from inside looking out, full knowledge of what all those details mean.

well done.

Hint: this was posted at Easter time, and could be considered to relate to it.

i LOVE this! i love the way the last line kind of bleeds into the first line of the next verse, responding to and modifying both what came before and what comes after. The alternate meanings interwoven - this is wonderful!

yes, please do!

wow...

you can feel the confusion...

 

very cool!

Ayshela carefully stays out of Icarus' way so as not to get applesauce spilled on her. Listening absently for sounds of a scuffle when Icarus *does* find Peredhil, she turns to Zariah:

 

i'm glad you had a lovely break! It does sound like you have a challenging and rewarding position at the Independent Living Facility. i remember working as a Personal Aide at a similar facility in our area, though i did more in the meal prep and personal care line. i always found it rather sad how many of the residents had no visitors. We had quite the interesting crowd there, who often wanted nothing more than for someone to sit and talk with them for a little while. i was always glad when my duties allowed me to. The bright smiles when i could listen to their stories or trade jokes could light up a whole room.

 

You're most likely providing more of a service than you realize. Well done.

(giggling madly)

congratulations, Salinye! i hadn't seen your app before. Somehow the forum marked itself read before i got to yours. Too bad, as it's well worth reading and a definite day brightener!

Thank you all. i wasn't insulted, just a bit - well - baffled, i guess. Had thought with that many eyes across it someone would have had something to say.

 

i am pondering a continuation, though in a way this was not a specifically planned writing. Occassionally the words grab my hair and drag me to the keyboard. This was all borne from that final scene, actually. Yet there are paths to take from there which will illuminate earlier events. i have only to choose between them.

 

Thank you.

Hmmmmmm

19 views and not one comment?

i hadn't expected Wyvern to see this for a couple of weeks, but i had rather hoped that if it just really sucked *someone* would have said something.

or even if it didn't.

*nod*

that bit caught me as well.

 

Quite thought provoking. How blind might the rest of us be, if we only knew we were?

i like this.

 

There does seem to be a bit of a transition missing between the first verse and the second. Either that or my headache is taking even more of a toll than i thought. Why creeping? Why hiding? It seems like there's more here that we're not allowed to see ourselves, which makes the second verse seem slightly disconnected. The end line does tie it in again, in equally thought provoking manner, but the mild confusion remains.

 

i like this. i'm not sure at the moment i even could pin down exactly why, or if i could if it would even matter.

i resisted reading this at first, for rather personal reasons. It is indeed a difficult read, yet it is well worthwhile. You have an impressive grasp of motivation and of reaction. i don't think i've ever seen anyone so eloquently or accurately show the numbness created by ceaselessly brutal circumstances.

 

Well done.

Friendship is like a blanket, sometimes scratchy on tender skin, yet warm and comforting

i can see both, actually. the apple pie does seem on its face out of place, but in a context of wartime cliches versus reality it doesn't seem amiss.

isn't it a good thing that we don't all have to like the same things?

(and wouldn't it be boring if we did?)

whoah...

cold, eerie, and gripping. Very descriptive. i like this. i can see and hear it.

Very cool. i hope there is more.