Solivagus

Darkness descends upon a weakened mind, Horror filled thoughts race to and fro, Saliva drools in rivers of slime down the chin, Coating the floor in a slick slippery sickness, Moving around in muddled daze, Haunted memories confused and endless, Relationships have come and gone, I had friends once but now nothing, Only emptiness so hollow and stark, Gaunt sallow skin hangs in folds, Where I was once a proud man, I am now broken and diseased, Where once love ruled my very actions, Only aggressive hate thrives there now, Now I only talk to my own shadows, And listen to evil whispers where there are none, I am so covered in self-inflicted scars, Where I have tried to carve away the infectious thoughts, Yet they are still there and nothing seems to help, I still feel it slithering around within, Clawing about under my skin, I feel my inner self-trying to escape, Trying to rip free of this putrid existence, Where life is my enemy and death is my only friend, Gasping for air my mind is falling apart, Nothing but a lecherous void left, Sucking down all sanity down into a cavernous pit, Screaming brings no relief, Clawing at my face trying to peel away my fear, Great red rivers gush and spray, As I rip away at a once beautiful face, Walls are coated in my vile fluids, My world is crumbling around me, As darkness descends leaving behind all I held dear, Sucking upon my wounded soul, Drinking me dry and leaving a withered husk, Until even that is just ashes and dust, Where I was once here I am now just a distant memory.

Lucidity only lasts just a few short days. Reality sets in his soul passion splits in many ways. Brevity lost out with last century's parlor call. Stability of spirit gone with the leaves of fall. Piety not a quality that attraction exists. Rarity of attendance laspses in a tryst. Caution rises quickly a red flag in the heart. Exhaustion waves it's banner excitement's brand new start. Auction off your soul takers all beware. Motion in delay let the day please be fair. Emotion ruins lives matters pushed aside. Friction for the few destiny abides.

Death to us all Death to us all, laughing while the angels fall, I see their wings consumed by flames, fore evil has a name, I wade through the ashes of love, all the while raining tears of blood, Washed in sin, let darkness begin, Can you hear the rattling of bones, I enjoy being alone, Hate flows through my veins, my soul has been stained, The smile on my face is from this horrid place, Another life has failed, the air here is stale, In the eyes of the beholder, I am death's soldier, My soul already gone, and you dare ask me what's wrong, Well look into your heart, has it been torn apart, Fore mine has been taken, now I'm left forsaken, Acid tears burn my face, scars of pain left to replace, Look into my eyes, watch as my soul dies, I'm beyond the point of no return, smiling as the world burns, The gift of death I look to achieve, but the prize always eludes me, I feast on the souls of the damned, grant me the power to destroy this land, The center of darkness, a human shell that's heartless, Bodies at rest, accepting her cold caress, I'm bringing Armageddon to the door steps of heaven.

Alone Bleeding I die for no one, not even myself. I waited for the sun to come, it took too long. Bleeding I die alone, alone I lived, alone I died. All alone I couldn't stay strong, all along I cried. Pull my posters off the wall, all alone, I'm not going to need them anymore. Touching my treasured ring, the memories, alone. My life what a waste, a hole, someone else other than me deserved this soul. All alone fighting to find one reason to stay here. Fighting this oncoming fear of going insane. Feeling the acid rain burning my skin. All alone my will to live growing dim, tears fill to the brim. All alone I bleed, and I bleed for no one. I know no one will come, I die alone, alone forever more. I try to die, but I don't have anyone to die for.

Death is Near Im in a world of shadows Demons are my only friends I tremble in fear, knowing they are near Yet I long for their touch, their deadly embrace I cannot move, I cannot escape They are behind me, in front of me, everywhere I cannot see them, but I know they are there Waiting, silent, patient I hear them inch closer, step by step Their sharp talons tapping the floor I feel their breath on my body A hot breeze that makes my blood go cold I want to run, I want to hide I can only stand there, my arms open wide "Come to me my friends" I hear myself say While inside I scream, stop, stay away I do not fear death, I welcome its embrace As I cry in fear and pain, my voice forever silent My demon friends take me into a world unknown Claws ripping, teeth biting, death is finally here.

Lost and Found Lost. Searching for answers in a world without questions; Lost in myself. Lost with myself. Hunting for help where help is not offered; Looking for hope in all that is lost. Seeking belonging in a world with no one, nobody, nothing. Lost. My existence, life, and one true passion Lost when the one thing that held it was stripped, Taken, stolen, lost. I’ve lost everything, and left with nothing. But sometimes my nothing is better than everything. Lost. Caught up in life, heading nowhere. Lost in the rush, the nervousness of being. Why and I here? Where do I belong? Not here. Not now. But there. Then. Then, when all lost is hope, and nothing is everything. No longer lost, looking for an answer to fill that void. But found, done looking, done searching and hunting for ‘it’. Done wasting my life on beautiful nothings. Found.

In honour of my parents... I Hate I hate the way you look at me And the way you act as if you care I hate the concerned look you have in your eyes And I hate the kindness you try to share I wish I could pound you into the ground Get rid of you for good I never want to see your face again If I could make you disappear I would. I hate how you try to open me up Like there’s something inside I should tell I hate how you try to get to know me As far as I’m concerned, go to hell I hate how you know every secret You can tell every time I lie I hate you for sensing what I hold inside I hate you for stopping me from suicide. I hate you for catching me when I fell I’m pushing you away, there’s too much to hide But before I go back to hating you Please hold me one last time.

Truth and lies together Forming endless passageways Paradigms dimly light Life’s impossible tangled maze To and fro I wander lost And yet I ponder thus What shall we do when all men fall To the poisons of their lusts When shifting sands of our desires Dim the lights of grace Will we then see the damages That time cannot erase When neither winds or rains Nor blazing flames Are wont to purge The filthy stains Of hopelessness and misery That we ourselves have wrought The failures and the pains That upon our children we have brought.

Cut myself today I’m alive because it hurt I’m slowly losing all my senses I had to feel alert I just had to feel alive I had to feel the pain But the thing that hurts the most is I know I’ll bleed again I’ll never tell my friends Because then they’ll know too much There’s no one I’m that close to No one I can trust I have no solution I know no cure As blood distracts my helpless mind I know I’ve been here before It helps for a while It helps for a day Pain replaces all my feelings Lets them fade away Tomorrow brings the scars Tomorrow brings the healing The emptiness creeps in again Until that’s all I’m feeling

Bitter blade bit pale skin To bring the pain out from within A desperate cry that none may hear Cuts through the air to disappear A plea for help that none may see Now stains the skin in front of me Thoughts are blades through troubled minds Tearing skin to feel alive A violent kiss for one alone How my life has changed its tone Frustration and a helpless tension Slung me to a new dimension Weary eyes watched desperate hands Wage a war on foreign lands.

Some people say I'll run out of ideas and learn to smile outside of the internet. They're wrong. Sorrows Road A rocky crooked road indeed Is sorrows road Filled with hazards Ready to unload The road I travel now Is sorrows road Past haunting Feelings that forebode Seems to in circles go My sorrows road Back to the beginning With life’s heavy load Memories they haunt me On sorrows road Taking all my spirit Hell is my new abode

Loves Torment Love has been denied me An ashen face stares into a mirror Devoid of hope, filled with disgust I'm tearing at my heart So I won't have to feel There's blood in my hands, but I don't care I've fallen and I don't have the strength To rise I'm running away from love's grip Holding a cross and beating myself with it This depression is sharper than any razor I'm searching for myself amongst these ashes I'm floating away on the winds of tomorrow As I softly bleed searching for a Glimmer of happiness, of a sorrowless night To taste Love has been ripped from me Scars caused by vain intolerance Mar the youth of this world As a star falls in silent salutation Proclaiming its message of hope through despair I slump to the ground holding my bleeding self up As the morning emerges and I cry softly To myself Death leads me by the hand, Holds me in its loveless grip, Tastes my flesh, drinks my blood Death laughs her painful words of truth I look into her ebony eyes And raise my crystal goblet of blood and drink To Death

Advice for a title of this one would be appreciated A soul in agony burning with deception, A heart wounded beyond redemption, A darkness shrouding the will to live, A sadness drowning out all hope, Why must I walk this endless path? Where my corrupted past drags me down, Into an abyss of self doubt and loathing, Where the hooks of fear are drawn taunt, And claws of hate trailing with infectious sickness, My mind is so clouded with indecision, Up a path that twists and turns, On hands and knees I struggle forward, Haunted by ugly feelings of rejection, Leaving a bloody trail behind where skin is rubbed raw, Sweat stains filthily unwashed uncaring, Looking for the easy way out, But finding only a hellish answer, Life is too hard, too unforgiving, The path is too steep, too coarse, My heart is too weak my resolve breaking, Only bloody tears drip from haggard cheeks, Blood shot eyes seeing more obstacles, I feel everything closing in, Such a claustrophobic reaction, Shivers rip through my weary frame, My gut clenches as my will folds, Collapsing from exhaustion and loss, With my last breath I scream out, I give up you win I can take it no more, Sobbing out with my last tears, My last word wrenches from a torn throat, My soul is finally yours.

The happy poem for Krista will just have to wait for a bit... I cut Again Tonight I cut again tonight I'm really not sure why As I sat here by myself I didn't feel alone or sad Or even that the world is bad I just felt blank and saw the knife Picked it up and cut six times Something must be there inside To make me do this nasty thing But what could it be? I can't believe I cut tonight The knife just seemed to go on its own I don't even remember feeling it at all But I can see it's done By the trickle of blood running down my side It makes me feel so empty Not painful not good not anything at all Is that right? Oh well, what's done is done I cannot change it now Although I wonder how many there are now Two hundred and fifty one? That must be it..

My mind...falling apart. My dad doesn't drink, my mum doesn't cry. I don't run from shadows, I don't pray. And yet...Ack! The writing's done. Judge it as you want. Drunk as a newt...oh dear. Rising Shadows Walking down a darkened street Streetlights casting lurid yellow pools of light I can see my house at the end of this street And I don’t want to go home tonight As I walk I glance to either side Praying I don’t see what I know I will A shadow under a mailbox starts to move And I hear a shriek somewhere, loud and shrill I turn around from the shadow I tell myself it’s not really there The shadow under the tree starts to stand I close my eyes, they can’t be there. I start to jog a little faster, I feel a presence right behind me I don’t want to go home, but my feet are running, something’s chasing me I tell myself don’t be stupid, you’re just paranoid, shadows aren’t alive But my feet won’t stop running, they just speed up, and I’m still scared for my life I sprint down the street out of the corners of my eyes, I see every shadow rise They glide after me in their smooth quick way, all black except white shining eyes I run faster than I ever have before, praying to make it home Behind me I hear them make demonic little sounds, I was captivated by the way their eyes shone. But I still keep running, until I reach our back glass door Dinner is on the table, my mom has been crying, her eyes look swollen red and sore I walk quickly in try to look as if nothing is wrong, my mother snaps where have you been? I was babysitting I lied, just down the street, but I quickly shut up when my father walked in. My dad has been drinking, he’s drunk as a newt, he asks what the hell is wrong with you? Stay out all night, keeping your mother so worried, what were we supposed to do? Look at your mother, she thought you were lost, she’s been crying her eyes out all night And look at you, I replied in anger, drunk as newt, you’re the reason I didn’t want to come home tonight Eat your dinner he told me with a shaking fist, we already ate ours a long time ago. I sat down and ate, until I looked out the door, and saw their white eyes looking at me through window I froze, dropped my fork with a clatter, and stared at them scratching the glass My mom said with a quivering voice, he’s drunk, I would never cry over your worthless hide. I just nodded my head not really hearing her, I saw one thing smile at me My mom couldn’t hear what I could hear, and she couldn’t see what I could see. I jumped out of my chair, ran into my room, my father yelling at me all the way I opened my door and there they were waiting, to devour me, a human entrée I screamed one last scream, heard my parents voice say to shut up, as the shadows let out a shriek They raced to me with their hands outstretched, and I was alone as they devoured me.

I Am Alone My soul hides forbidden secrets My life hidden behind a shadow of laughter My pain cannot be seen I'd give up everything to feel happy again But that cannot happen I am left to fight my demons alone To cry alone To die alone These walls seem to close in No one is here to wipe away my tears I am alone Can anyone hear me cry? Why am I left to die? Please help me.... I need you more then ever All these years behind my own brick wall Never showing any feeling I'm ready to break this wall I cry out your name But only silence can be heard I am alone

These poems are...forming would be the best word...in my mind, and I just write them down. There's no apparent rhyme scheme from what I see of them, but it doesn't seem right to change them. That make sense to anyone? Sure as hell doesn't make sense to me. Broken Will Dreaming in deceptions and living past some lies, lost amid the underbrush of hatred's evil eyes. Keeps you in the darkness, a place of all your fears, your destiny is broken, your debts now in arrears. Your dreams can tell the truth of all you cannot see, what there is now and all it may be. Trust in your sacred space and hide now from the day, sent to wreak the havoc you once had sent away. Chain free and risen so quickly now to take you from the edge, broken will and troubled mind your life it has been pledged. Head start to the forest break, be gone from light before the rain, shadows' witless fury, strangers' tresspass into pain. Caught up in a torrent to see a rainbow break the sky, find shelter past the tree line, the clouds are filled with lies. Rest there in your circle to take solace from the pain, they'll not find you in there, going transparently insane. The wind now roars its' discontent, the storm has blinded sight, wait here for the darknes to steal you in the night. Rock to sleep the spirit that finds no rest to date, here is where you've always been, no use to disrupt fate. All the lies distort the roadmap, the visions all so true, do not fear your space inside the circle, you've found it right on cue. Thunder ascends so loudly, no one to hear your cries, having lost a simple purpose, take in one last sigh.

Something must be wrong with me. Something must be wrong with me with all this hurt inside, always bursting with anger, and never any pride. Something must be wrong with me if all I do is cry, I can't stop this pain all I want to do is die. Something must be wrong with me Something must be wrong with me if my emotions run wild, all this confusion does is make me feel like a lost child. Something must be wrong with me with all these terrible things, always there and never gone depression is what it brings. Something must be wrong with me if I can't stop these thoughts, all this pain does is turn my stomach in knots. Something must be wrong with me when I think there's only one way out, "Let this pain end," is all my heart will shout.

Darkness I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under I yell for help but no one is there to hear it I begin to see the water at eye level and I kick and flail fighting to stay above the darkness But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me and I slowly begin to give in to the feeling that lies below the water line the waters starts to fill my lungs the lungs that once held so much life yet now they allow the murky water to replace that I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness But why doesn't someone grab my hand pull me from darkness's grasp? because no one knows I stand at the boundary the boundary between light and dark so I give in to the thing that holds me All of the strength and all of the courage that I once held in my heart can't save me from the water So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness undetected by the occupants of that world I don't want to fight anymore I've given into darkness

A Dark Place I come from a dark place A stark and twisted inner space Full of terrors undefined That rend my soul and cloud my mind Where wraiths of things that used to be Come each night to torment me They gather in my darkened room To sneer and snigger in the gloom And I am forced to see again All the suffering and pain Of those I’ve driven to despair When all they ever did was care I come from a dark place Of endless fears I cannot face How I long to be at peace How I yearn for sweet release For a world of dark malignancy Has risen up to swallow me A desolate world of suffering Filled with dreadful whispering All hope dies as I descend Into darkness without end And though I scream there’s no one there No one left to know or care

They were talking about vampires in mIRC... They’ll overpower you Rip and devour you Feed on your life and Live from your death They’ll sip your blood A vampire’s wine Tear you open To see what’s inside Sink in their teeth, Eat you raw and alive Their hunting call is your gasp of surprise Their feeding call is your desperate cry They’ll find you in the darkest nights Sink their teeth into your neck Eyes glowing with hell’s light Your bloody image they’ll reflect They’ll chase you down Let out a cry And push you down As they flash by They sink their claws Into your flesh You’ll feel only pain In their caress. You’ll scream and fight But it’s no use They’re too strong They overtake you You awake in the morning It must have been a dream You’re sweating and shaking It was so real it seemed So you sit up Get out of bed But later you’ll notice The new scar on your neck.

I kinda like being able to walk around without bein heckled...Much better than having a psychiatrist sent to me.

There's a whole other person, Living inside my soul. He won't come out, Unless I'm losing control. When I can't handle life, He rips himself away. He takes hold, But not all the way. I still feel pain, I still feel sorrow. Then he just goes away, But he may be back tomorrow. I've tried to suppress him, I've tried to stop his onslaught. Nothing seems to work, No matter how hard I've fought. He keeps coming back, Stronger than ever. I'm losing the battle, But I can't stop, never! He hasn't been out in a while, When's the next outbreak. It's going to happen sometime, How long's it going to take?

My attempt to capture how much I DESPISE Psychiatrists Psychiatrist The soft green cushions, With teeth sharp and long. Where I'll rest my head, And realize I'm wrong. Your voice is raspy, And sounds far away. The teeth have locked on, Forcing me to stay. Swirls of thoughts twisting, And unleashing truth. Finally describing, My troublesome youth. Demons I'm seeing, Escape from my brain. So now I feel cured, Yet I'm still 'insane.' I'm suffocating now, In this world I know. I can't be normal, Can't go with 'the flow.' I scribble down words, And I try to rhyme. In an old notebook, to free my trapped mind. Its like an escape, For my mind and soul. This is what cures me, And makes me feel whole. Until I return, To the sharp white teeth. And I spew forth dreams, To this high priced thief.

Custody of the kids...how is that a good thing?! Loved the poetry Sorc