whynotsin

At night I lay

At night I lay

Looking up at the stars

Making friends with shadows

The sweet sound of owls rocking me to sleep

The soft breeze takes me to places unseen.

Merrily I lay

Whispering softly to the wind.

Telling her to stay

O what a delicious life

To live in this moment

To breathe the night

To reminisce about the day

The thought of just sinking into sleep,

To be taken away to a never land

To wield a mighty sword

And romance a pure maiden

Yes this is a wonderful moment

A moment in which my heart jumps at the thought

Yes to escape for just the night

Into vast unending lands

You do it to yourself

Caught in an ambush,

Facing down the barrel of a gun,

The one holding it your self

You never learned to let go,

So now you pay,

The rest of the world laughs at you

Watching you struggle with invisible demons

You look a little further ahead and you see more invisible beast

But……

All you have to do is open your eyes

And let go.

Forget about the woes and go.

Rhapsody

The melody strong.

I think of the one.

The strings that are plucked ,

Sound through the hall.

The bows as they fly

Caress the heart,

And sooth the mind

With a musical hum.

The tempo growing ever quicker

Bringing you to new heights,

And with a sudden halt.

Slo----ws.

As your mind races through valleys

Made of notes.

You take care not to note,

The spiraling tune and the erratic mood.

The tempo draw to a quicker pace and,

Once more you draw close to the air,

With arms spread out as float to the earth

On the back of an overture.

Sliding down the bars

And landing in a pool.

Called done.

Don’t try to change me

More, more you say,

I’m more than what I am,

Open your eyes and see.

That who I am is what I am,

There is no way around it.

Yes my personality shifts like the sands of time,

And I may seem of the walls at times,

But if you can’t take that,

Just go.

I have no time to stand and wait

For you to accept,

You ingrate

I thought that there might have been something,

But I guess I was wrong.

When you did what you did,

Pushing me to the side,

Like I wasn’t even around,

Just to save face in front of your friends

So next time you feel ashamed just look at your self,

Cuz now I’m with all your friends

And you where to late.

So next time accept the fact,

That we are who we are is what we are.

Needy Fools

From you I once learned the truth

That all we are is needy fools,

No matter how rich or how poor.

I know now what I know from you,

That all we are needy fools,

Clinging to pieces of broken ships

You made so clear that all we do is prey on others

All we do is suck the life out of all around.

Take their marrow for our own.

Even as we watch the ship sink we cling to what matters least,

Like needy fools we hold on to useless gold

Like needy fools we sink to the bottom.

From you I learned that all I am is a needy fool,

Who with out you sank into a hole.

That was filled with my self-doubts

And my woes.

Dead pen

Nothing to say

It wouldn’t matter anyway,

There is no one left to hear,

The mighty halls of the keep are empty.

The chatter died down,

Consumed by the wind.

Every one gone nothing left to say,

The dreamers have left her walls.

The crows no longer caw

And magic no longer here

The sword prevailed after all

Arrogant youth

Two Warriors standing, facing each other.

Their hands curled around the handles of their blades,

Droplets of sweat form on their faces

One an aged warrior,

Seasoned in the art of battle,

Wise and true is his blade.

The other a wild and untamed youth.

Still fresh from his mother’s womb,

His blade glistens in the sun.

The elder blade is dull and scratched,

As proof of its many victories.

The handle worn down by years of intense battle.

The juvenile blade bright and new,

Only a few battles had it seen,

Not enough to face such a seasoned blade.

The youth attacks first quick and true are his blows

Calm and cautions is the Elder man blocking every attack with tiny thrusts.

Then comes the elders mans blows, steady and precise are they.

First blood he draws.

His ego bruised the youth comes back with an intense blow

That throws the elder man of.

Just in time he deflects a direct blow.

The elder man decides to end it quick.

To let all know the dangers of arrogant youth

With a quick and true thrust

The elder man ends the charging youth,

The FIX

Pop it in,

I can’t live with out my fix.

My hands begin to tremble if I haven’t pooped one before 9:00 am.

I would do anything to feel it slide down my throat,

To feel the beautiful release it brings,

I can’t just have one, no

I need to have them all.

Every dose larger then the one before.

Random thoughts stream into my mind.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

I nervously look around as I creep down to get my fix,

Making sure no one is around to claim my prize.

Alone to my room I go with loot in tow.

The door closes behind,

I run to the bed,

I take out my bowl and my spoon.

And I dive in,

I GOTA HAVE MY POPS.

Reflection on a topic

You can only think back to a time when you lived among the stars,

You dream about the time you were a God.

Before you lost your way and were caste out like trash.

He knows it was his fault.

He is now the mortal bound to earth.

Awaiting the day of his end,

All the while watching his brethren in the night.

The light they cast from far of places

Dance on edges of forever black holes.

You think to yourself a black hole would have suited you better.

To be trapped in the eternity of a moment,

At the edge of oblivion.

The pain of self your only reminder of life.

Now you’re just a mortal bound to the earth.

Punishment for your un atoned sins

An empty shell,

Of a God.

Changed to:

You can only think back to a time when you lived among the heavens,

You dream about the time you were a God.

Before you lost your way and were caste out like trash.

He knows it was his fault.

Now the mortal bound to earth.

Awaiting the day of his end,

All the while watching his brethren in the night.

The light they cast from far of places

Dance on edges of forever black holes.

He thinks to himself a black hole would have suited him better.

To be trapped in the eternity of a moment,

At the edge of oblivion.

The pain of self, his only reminder of life.

Now you’re just a mortal bound to the earth.

Punishment for your un atoned sins

An empty shell,

Of a God.

Arrogant youth

Age and time allies be they both,

Together they laugh at youth,

Time will eventually wear him down,

And age will carry him to the grave.

So in the end the flower shall fade and decay,

Making it all the same,

In the end.

0.8%

Years and years pass

He looks out through glass

Passively thinking about lost time,

Brooding over his failure to perform

Angry at his lack of will.

The glass reflects his thoughts,

Cold and clear.

Outside the grass gently rustles with the soft blow of the wind.

Inside the air is stall and old.

Children play outside

They jump through sprinklers.

Screaming with glee.

In his mind the same tune replays,

His wife leaving, his children fading.

The alcohol that took him to the edge.

With his children in the back seat.

One to many was to much.

0.8 and his vision blurred.

He didn’t realize how fast he was going.

Didn’t see the tree.

To gone to buckle his children in,

Like two doves they flew.

Breaking the glass hitting the road,

Gone was their turn.

A slap on the wrist,

And he was free.

His wife gone,

He alone,

Cold thoughts and the ghostly laughter

of his children all he has left.

Beauty in time

Goodnight

Our farewell kiss

Rest forever on my lips

But is still too short

Rain, Love and the Mind

Rain:

Careful dear rainfalls.

You may be washed away

Into rain gutter.

The Way:

I am the way there

No one else knows it better

Hold my hand tonight.

Prey:

The deer finds a home

The hunter finds his dinner

A feast he shall have.

Love:

Hurting is love

Loving is hurting each other.

Binding us is pain.

Unconscious:

Unconscious we lay

By seaside roads we fool around,

Under moonlite summer.

Mesh:

Colliding meshing

Becoming one tonight

Or minds flew away

Carla Cla

Carla Cla, I hear your name and I think.

Rejection and pain

But that’s ok.

It’s your choice

Not mine.

I see you and it’s torment,

Though you may not see,

The inner turmoil,

I must face.

Before I proposed the question my mind was torn asunder

By the anticipation of rejection,

And after the fact my heart was torn to pieces,

But that’s ok its not your fault.

In my mind I set my self up.

I knew all along you’d say no.

They always do.

No real surprise on my part,

I should have known more then to trust myself.

To rely on the heart

Leaves in haze

Leaves fall through the haze

Into subtle puddles

Muddled and gray.

Into the eternity

The ether

And time,

A place of a one-time rime

Where lost children

Watched for home

Like falling angles leaves crash

Splashing softly inside of the past

Falling away becoming mud.

Mind

Life and death he can look at them both,

The true heart holds not on to life,

Nor fears the approach of death

To feel is to loose

To see is to be but blind

All weakness arises from strength

All love from hate,

All hate from love.

All pain from pleasure.

The quiet man is the happy one

His lack of words speaks louder then a thousand

His stillness quicker then the wind.

Like the water he bends.

Like water he destroys or creates.

He is selfless and there for fulfilled.

From time to time

He looks out at the wind

And feels himself become it

Become the unfelt force of time,

The overpowering yet invisible concept of space.

One with himself he flows with the currents of life

Like an old sea captain

Understanding and manipulating the underlying forms of water and wind.

As the night falls he understands and fears not the darkness as others do

As his breath grows narrow he accepts and starts to fade

Regret nor fear enter his mind

Pain nor pleasure find place

He is apart from the concepts of man

He is beyond them and thus complete.

Dialogue between two

-My mind floats from place to place, Carla. I can no longer focus on just one plane. My mind fazes from time to time. I have become smoke on a windy day. Germaine rambled on about his state of being. What should I do about this?

- You should not do anything Germaine, Just simply be happy with being.

-I tire of this. I do not want to float forever, I wish to flow like the water through a determined course. Not drift dispersing and stretching with every gust.

-We are all like the smoke, only that some of us hang lower, closer to the Earth.

-I wish to find love Carla, with you. You have rejected me however and so I am further dispersed by the wind.

-You know and I know we could never be. It is an unthinkable thing. My life is not one for love. We must remain as we are.

-The pain of this state is unbearable. The sight of you is like needles piercing my heart.

-There is no is no reason for this. You and I we have nothing to offer each other.

-But we do. We can offer each other the forces necessary to turn us to solid state.

The dialogue between the two continued. Germaine’s mind adrift and Carla close to the ground. Germaine looks into Carla’s soul and finds it empty, empty of any love for him.

Wind or water?

The cold air comes up to me

Beckoning me to follow

Pulling and pushing

Consuming me and enveloping me

Taking me with it to places unseen

I follow blind and a fool

To where I go, I never am to know

What it is that I follow,

Never have I seen.

Only the circling leaves give hint of form.

Like the banks and the glass that define shape

As a cloud floating across the sky

Being driven and taken

Not leading but merely existing

Another face to be seen another voice to ignore

Minds intertwine together forming what we call society

Clashing thoughts

Disruptive love

All playing an integral part

In darkness we stand looking for the light,

Not knowing our eyes are closed

Not feeling the wind the air,

With it’s cold icy guiding touch.

Nu

Everything is falling,

Falling into pieces,

None left to hold me up

Just the sinking feeling of loss.

Away I go into mist,

Taken apart

By un-pure things

Boy

Drops,

They splash onto the moist soil,

Quiet echoes in forgotten halls,

In the darkness a boy weeps

His bow slowly crosses the bridge,

Deep growls of pain and emotion echo in this quietness,

He plays to forget.

His pain,

His grief,

Creating beautiful melodies.

In the darkness he can be free,

His bow flying faster,

His heart pounding,

Jumping and pulsating

He plays to forget,

But he can’t

The scorn of a lover,

The rejection of a mother,

The failure as a father,

He plays his fingers bleeding

But he plays,

His music shaking the entirety of his soul.

Nothing to loses

His madness consuming,

Through out the abode

All can hear the pain,

Of a forgotten son.

Men weep, as the tune spills out into the streets,

Women collapse,

He slows as his sadness increases,

He can’t forget,

He never will,

So he plays.

The forms are far spreading

The forms are far spreading,

Dear father,

Tell me the way,

I have lost it.

Can you see the depth of my soul

My ghost to which I can never escape.

The err of my ways.

Show me the way,

I have lost it.

The path before me,

Which I so clearly saw,

Is now washed away and overgrown

The smooth easy road,

Over traveled and little repaired,

Now sits in disarray.

The weeds,

The trees,

The fire bush and the thistle tree,

Growing and consuming,

The once easy way.

Father please guide me,

My eyes are gone,

My sorrow deeper then the ocean

My mind higher then the stars.

Sow the way the path,

I want to return home.

Untitled

The path is drawn,

upon a map,

with points leading east,

and some leading west.

but the years have been long,

and men no longer go,

through forests, and meadows.

Father please show us the way

Alone and Away

Here she is the doll of the ball.

Holding the hem in hand.

She stared at a man not to far of,

Dreaming about his hands,

Undoing the lace,

that held her bodice in place.

Sinnful dreams of lonely girl.

Standing in place, holding herself.

Her chests rise and fall with each breath.

A prince looms close by.

His breath inches from her left.

She can feel his skin pressed against hers,

She can taste salty sweet lips.

Here the Ball and it's dolls,

hansome and dashing men of honor

ravashing beautyful dangers curves.

Lips that shine,

Hips that sway.

Slow and fast the tempo all night

Emotions and ungodly acts.

Men and Women disregrading marriage vows,

laying next to other wed men.

The last note played.

The dancers disperse.

To chambers not there own.

Some in pairs some in bunch,

and still others in hordes to the rooms.

Cold spray on my face

Cold spray on my face.

Shaky hands on chest.

Frantic lips on my lips.

Body’s cold.

I can’t feel my toes.

Been a long time coming.

My life just caught up with me.

I thought I could out run it.

God was I wrong.

Mellow jazz streams out of an old speaker

The kind of music that makes you think,

Of smoke filled speak ezys

And the sound of quiet brandy shots being slid across the bar.

A blur, a blinding blur.

I ran so fast for so long.

No I’ve stopped.

Dead in my tracks.

And the rest of the world shot forward.

Tears in her eyes,

She’ll find someone else,

I’ve seen it happen before.

Hopefully someone better.

This isn’t how I wanted.

Not how it was intended.

Just my luck,

I tripped and fell

Only to let life caught up with me.

Life.

You hold in your hands

Something truly dear.

A life growing,

Yes it was thrust into your life.

A sudden jolt.

But please hold on and bring her in.

Then let her go.