reverie

Very, very nice dragonqueen. I'm impressed. Like the first half best.

Dear Diary,

Today

there was a high

of 92 degrees

Fahrenheit.

I wore jeans.

Retrospectively, (Suggest: "In retrospect." Yes, I know it's cliche, but cliches are cliches because they work and your poem is strong enough to warrant the use of one.)

this may have been

a mistake.

I came home

right after gym

and it was very hot

and I was sweating.

Diary, I do

not

sweat.

Sweating

is something

other people do.

It is a gross

dirty

and disgusting (I would lineate it with "and" on the same line as dirty, but lots of ppl would probably disagree with me.)

habit.

I was hot.

I was tired.

But I had calculus to do.

The door was open,

The fan was on,

And those cloying (Doesn't cloy mean excess? Like an over indulgence? Hmm, but maybe dropping the "ing" would get the effect you're looking for, but leaving it more open ended.) jeans.

So, dear diary, I removed

the offending garment

and did my calculus

in my underwear.

Dear Diary,

Today I did calculus in my underwear.

Forever yours,

Sara Beth

Poor Man's Pasta Dish

Pasta made from whatever you have on hand in your kitchen:

2 cup of elbow pasta your house-mate gave you before her trip to china

2 portions salt, 1 black pepper, 1 videlou seasoning, 1 cayenne spice

1 cup'ish olive oil

1 veggie patty that's been in your freezer for at least 6 months

1 generic small can of tuna

2 onces soy milk or various substitute

Ketchup lot's of ketchup

--Make 2/3 portions

tools:

stove top, colander, 2 pots, and small mixing bowl and serving bowl.

Pasta:

1. Fill first pot with water add a small amount of salt and bring to boil.

2. Dump in 2 cups pasta and stir occasionally.

3. Wait pasta is no longer sticky, then drain in colander and put aside.

Sauce:

1. Find one mixing bowl

2. pour olive oil into bowl

3. Add black pepper and equal portions cayenne and videlou spice

4. Open can of tuna, drain, and place contents in mixing bowl.

5. Place content in pot on stove and warm.

6. Add ketchup, lots of ketchup and bring to boil and stir occasionally

7. Add more salt and pepper

8. Add veggie patty and mix in once melted

9. Add in soy milk.

10. Take pot off the stove and pour over past

11. Serve and enjoy.

***

Not bad really. It's actually one of my better food experiments. I think it was a good call not to add flour, though I had to fight with my self not to do it.

cheers,

rev...

i love broken/shattered sonnets.

reminds me of one those new experimental forms I got to hear about last year at a writer's conference I was interning at.

Didn't actually attend the workshop with the experimental forms, but kept runnning into people that did. Seems like these ppl like to play with how the poem was read on the page like forwards, backwards, up and down...and in theory at least wanted to step out of all the convention of western literature period. I kind of think that's impossible, I mean you are what you are. And influence even if ignored is still influence. Hmm, at any rate, I'll try to track down the guy who presented on these forms, so I get you more information on them.

rev...

Archaic World list and equivalents

----

From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verb_conjugation

Verbs in written French exhibit a richer agreement morphology than English verbs: je suis (I am), tu es ("you are", singular informal), elle est (she is), nous sommes (we are), vous êtes ("you are", plural), ils sont (they are). Historically, English used to have a similar verbal paradigm. Some historic verb forms are used by Shakespeare as slightly archaic or more formal variants (I do, thou dost, she doth, typically used by nobility) of the modern forms.

----

From: http://www.bardweb.net/grammar/01syntax.html

The most common simple sentence in modern English follows a familiar pattern: Subject (S), Verb (V), Object (O). To illustrate this, we'll devise a subject (John), a verb (caught), and an object (the ball). Thus, we have an easily understood sentence, "John caught the ball." This is as perfectly an understood sentence in modern English as it was in Shakespeare's day. However, Shakespeare was much more at liberty to switch these three basic components—and did, quite frequently. Shakespeare used a great deal of SOV inversion, which renders the sentence as "John the ball caught." This order is commonly found in Germanic languages (more so in subordinate clauses), from which English derives much of its syntactical foundation...

...Frankly, Elizabethans allowed for a lot more leeway in word order, and Shakespeare not only realized that, he took advantage of it. By utilizing inverted word orders, Shakespeare could effectively place the metrical stress wherever he needed it most—and English is heavily dependent on vocal inflection, which is not so easily translated into writing, to suggest emphasis and meaning. In his usage of order inversion, however, Shakespeare could compensate for this literary shortcoming.

Shakespeare also throws in many examples of OSV construction ("The ball John caught."). Shakespeare seems to use this colloquially in many places as a transitory device, bridging two sentences, to provide continuity. Shakespeare (and many other writers) may also have used this as a device to shift end emphasis to the verb of a clause. Also, another prevalent usage of inversion was the VS order shift ("caught John" instead of "John caught"), which seems primarily a stylistic choice that further belies the Germanic root of modern English.

eh rhyme can be a crutch. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Context on the other hand is always important, but varies poem by poem. Here's a suggestion. Linger a little more in your images. Don't be afraid to deviate from set stanzas lenths such as quatrains. Example. 1st two stanza could be rearrange like this:

Taking off shoes

then socks, tossing

socks in my hamper--

later to be washed,

soon to be buried under others:

A sweatshirt

with mustard stains,

jeans with grass stains,

a T-shirt with dirt spread across it (try something like: encased in dirt, but with a better verb)

a bandanna smelling of sweat.

----

Weeks pass, and finally,

I wake up with little to wear.

Wearing sandals and sweats,

I get ready for the laundromat.

-----

Linger:

Weeks pass, and having little to wear

save sandals and sweats,

I blank, blank, blank, blank,

blank, blank, blank blank,

kudos,

rev...

have you ever kept inadvertently injuring your dominant hand/side until your other side resigned to the inevitable grew strong enough to take over full time.

I wouldn't be so quick to cut yourself down. Set apart your phrases have creative force (particularly the ones in the first stanza), but are not that well connected (if that's what you're going for // there is something to be said for the oblique).

Still just being aware of "syntax" is a step in the right direction. If you want to see a example of a poet that specializes in pushing the syntax envelope to the extreme. Check out Carl Phillips. His more complicated ones read like puzzles in which every individual piece of the poem is loaded with emotional or mental nuance which can change the meaning and direction of the next line/phrase/sentence/fragment. The effect is that each phrase turns on a nuance that is perceived by his use of laser-guided syntax.

Hmm. Interesting. Am guessing it's a conversation--radio speak like--in code i.e. using colloquial expressions that I'm not familiar with or something akin to kennings. That's a big guess though. I'll just play around a little and see if I can figure some of it out. Wonder if the more obscure parts are Final Fantasy references?

Tenkaichi and Cigarettes

Alienation substation, (Call Signs? Like Military Radio?)

Skyreaver explosion.

How's it going Alan? (New Voice as in SkyR answering AliSub? or vice versa depending or the call/answer protocol you may be mimicking or even inventing)

Effortless time

By we may often

Towards the sunrise seven (Translation: 5x5 (Army/Air Force Teletype code) i.e. All is well, in addition to a further wish for good luck/fortune? or even a lament if you read "7" as in a losing luck)

Treasure your symptoms

Laser face

Try not to see it anymore (After this point, i loose the conversational thread, unless one voice has decided to go off on a rant/ramble. Of course the conceit that is a conversation is my interpretation, and I may be way off.

Portals to makoshift (Final Fantasy Ref?)

Classy subversion

Overt after-effects

Trust-fund-hippie-taser

Floundering in excess

Over exerting my everything (Touch cliche here man)

Frankly so far

Mother's pain (Advent Children Ref?)

Tolerance of torture

Trash your speakers

Tesla lies overture (Tesla coil? probably not the band, huh?)

Necrotic tissue

Places a face

Pretend this isn't happening

Right/left objectivity

Hmm. This isn't a "Word Poem" is it? Haven't encountered many of those, so am not sure I'd recognize one if I saw one. Like basically a poem based on the sound of the words being used and interplay between the sounds used therein regardless of whether or not the actual line/stanza makes any sense.

Just messing around. thought I'd play with your structure a little and impose my style on your idea. I like it as is. This just experiment.

cheers,

rev...

try to shelter

you, but you

shelter yourself

as we walk in

silence as silence

walks with us.

I/We will not follow

you as you

follow no one:

One word could

break, this silence

too cool. Reads more like a loose ballad to me though.

Could try expanding.

1. First evoke a muse/muses for help writing it.

2. Set up a conflict in a general sense and

3. Then set up a scene of why you're hero is so great with the accompanying back-story and very detailed description of his/her accouterments.

4. Supernatural has to play key role as well, but looks like you've got that part pretty well covered.

5. Hero/heroine must be humbled or have fatal flaw at some point.

Looking at a mock epic helps too. They are shorter then epics: funny, and fit all the requirements of the form (in theory at least).

Alexander Pope's The Rape of the Lock is the best example that I can think.

Or because I'm feeling especially lazy, here's wikipedia's take on the Writing an Epic Poem(s). Note: Mock epics are aware of all these conventions, but cover them in parody. Like the in Pope's Case, the grand field of battle is a card table.

Epics have 6 main characteristics:

1. the hero is of imposing stature, of national or international importance, and of great historical or legendary significance

2. the setting is vast, covering many nations, the worlds or the universe

3. the action consists of deeds of great valor or requiring superhuman courage

4. supernatural forces--gods, angels, demons--interest themselves in the action

5. a style of sustained elevation is used [usually metered verse of some sort. Most English poets us either Heroic or Blank verse. But in Dante's case he uses the Italian Hendecasyllable meter with Terza rima verses]

6. the poet retains a measure of objectivity

Conventions of Epics:

1. Opens by stating the theme or subject matter of the epic

2. Writer invokes a Muse, one of the nine daughters of Zeus. [or Equivalent]The poet prays to the Muses to provide him with divine inspiration to tell the story of a great hero.

3. Narrative opens in medias res, or in the middle of things, usually with the hero at his lowest point. Usually flashbacks show earlier portions of the story.

4. Catalogues and genealogies are given. These long lists of objects, places, and people place the finite action of the epic within a broader, universal context. Oftentimes, the poet is also paying homage to the ancestors of audience members.

5. Main characters give extended formal speeches.

6. Use of the epic simile

7. Heavy use of repetition or stock phrases.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I agree it's seasonal. Like me, a large segment of pennites are probably just suffering through their exams right now, or are in the lead to them. Things almost always pick up in Summer, then take a rather dramatic dip in Fall when classes start back. It's just the way things go. And regulars not necessarily associated with exams go inactive all the time for various reason. Typically during life changes like: High school to College, College to Real World. Moving, New Job, etc. If too many ppl go inactive, new blood usually comes in to reinvigorate things. How? Not really sure, it just always happens. Probably something to do with having more free time in Summer or something.

rev...

Best Poem Ever!

This be The Verse

by Philip Larkin

Taking a break from my marathon round of edits. Just playing around with your line breaks. Doing it by intuition.

rev...

Morior Terra

"Dying Earth"

She gasps and claws

for a breath that will not come,

she holds onto the life

that will not return

the embrace, she struggles now

not to eternally close her eyes.

But they will close.

Wash your filthy hands

dripping hot still with blood,

stained brown from a womb

torn violently open

the plastic knife

only grew more

keen since the first thrust.

Or is the weapon of choice

an oil soaked rag slipped around a ivory throat?

What of the finger prints

upon a mechanical coil

found driven into a silky breast?

The culprits sit tall

on a throne of death and decay ("decay and death," sound better to my ear)

ensnared in the rapture

that is their own arrogance

begging for more to fill

the void of an insatiable hunger.

Blind to the coming

death of all things

ignoring the signs

of a coming judgment

that will not arrive

from an angry god but from ourselves

as we raise the stake for a final blow.

And so here we are,

too stupid to treasure

the one and only thing that gives us all life,

too buried in our lethargic apathy

to do anything about it at all.

Except to die with her.

many happy returns of this most special day!

dreamed they screwed up your order in McDonalds so bad that you never got your food or money back. And wasted prime dream time just staring at the front line staff/menus/ etc waiting for a manager to show up so you get a refund...then when you woke up you were still in that determined waiting mind set, until finally you realized that you're not dreaming anymore and probably should get out of bed and do something.

Saw 300, Blades of Glory, Grindhouse.

300 is pretty much eye candy for everyone. Everyone looks like a god/goddess even the "monsters." Landscapes look like graphic novels scenes on steroids. Cool effects all around. Will tap into the testosterone drive of almost any guy. Fun flick. Nice ride.

Blade of Glory. Very funny. I enjoyed way better than Talladega Nights, and almost as much as Anchor Man Love the Queen's "Flash Gordon" songs coming into it at the end. Recommended for anyone.

Grindhouse

When, I went out to see this movie, I told my house-mate, beckie, I was going to see the ultimate Guy-flick. When I returned, I was like, "ya know that actually an equal opportunity film." Anyway, I've been a huge fan of Tarantino and Rodriguez for ages now. I love when they team up or do cameo's in each other's films. This was a fun film, but I still think they're best collaboration is still Four Rooms where they both collaborated with two other director. Gotta Tim Curry as the Bell Hop.

I agree with Wyv, that "Death Proof" is more in the vein of "Pulp Fiction" etc, but the dialogue while good, doesn't quite stand up to Tarantino's other films. But it doesn't have too. The film's more about the homage to the 70's B-movies than staying true to Taratino's signature style.

"Planet Terror" is just plain insane, and way over the top, but that what you expect from Zombie flicks, so cool.

Right Brain |||||||||| 40%

Left Brain |||||||||||||| 58%

Well, actually, I'm left handed, so flip the results. Thus am really a right brain. Except Right brain for me, means left. If that makes any sense.

l love blue!

So ah, how do I get the blue wallpaper back. Things are kind of bland without it.

4/03/2006

The Axe

Let’s just say,

Let’s just say...

Would you talk to me.

Let’s just say,

Let’s just say...

Or will you walk away?

Because, because, because--

I almost know that’s what I mean

Except I get excited and

Every me says everything

Let’s just say,

Let’s just say...

I almost have it now.

Let’s just say

Let’s just say

I hate to hear me say

Because, because, because-

I can’t control, just what I mean

And what you hear repeated-

Is what I hear in everything

Let’s just say

Let’s just say

I know you hate to hear me say

Let’s just say

Let’s just say

So just walk away

ty.

ya know you can rhyme in free verse, be it: end, internal, half, near, slant, feminine, masculine, open, closed, perfect, or imperfect. Just thought I'd point that out. The difference being that you define or subvert the pattern of your own making vs. following the guild lines of a traditional form.

thinks this is you're only weak line:

it makes me wonder at the mystery of her pull

Line has slight emphasis confusion considering the call of the moon vs. the moon itself.

otherwise pretty good.

Good surprise at the end. Might hold up as is, but you could skew the tone towards being tongue and cheek or somber or whatever.

cool.

rev...

no problem. Oh plust, I'm just starting to grasp just how subjective punctuation really is in poetry, so my suggestions may not jive with your intentions. Oh the rules are still the rules, and like anything you can break them. But even within the rules, there are so many possibilities out there. don't believe me? Here something fun. find a work originally published in a language other than english with multiple translations to english (or some other language / vice versa). Compare any give page or paragraph / stanza of the translations. Putting aside work /idiom choice the differences that come up will show you just how nuanced punctuation can be.

sorry am babbeling.

rev...

Suggestion:

Like tectonic plates, stress builds,

accumulates until a drastic shift:

Upheaval. Waves crash, shutters drawn

around eyes. Punched in. Stared through

a derailed train--full of spectators, bobbing then gone.

Shards of glass-- glistening caught in the web

of flies' wings--settling upon the broken bodies,

child cradled in the cold arms of his mother (Maybe, not sure) , hoping

to infuse her with warmth, brushing away the flies

from her face -- still almost seeming to blink

when he looks away, closing his own

to hear murky shrieks--distant,

yet knowing he must set out to find them

**

haven't quite squared the conclusion. Reminds me of that Apocalypto movie though.

Memory vs reality vs need