reverie

Nice Homage, E.A.P would be tickled.

Took it out of it's form and played around a little.

 

12/8/2007

 

 

 

Dance Lessons in August

 

The heat serves us well, I think.

I, a dancer more in my dreams

then ever on the floor,

so often prone to leave her

damp with cold and sudden ick.

 

Be cool, young friend

her smiling eyes say,

remember I too am learning,

but won’t you spin me

round my halo tip, our hands raised

angled and delicate

as we twirl in step if only for

a moment.

 

I change up my style

to fit the song that’s next

searching for the step that best: a sashay of hip?

or a spot turn now—no, yes

Now—Fuck, I should have

flung that wrist.

 

I will get it right

on this beats turn, when it’s quick-

quick slow, quick-

quick slow,

quick-

quick slow,

quick-

quick slow,

Yeah, I should probably

turn her, now.

Deus o acompanhe

See Writer's Workshop for previous drafts here

 

12/03/2007

 

To be without desire is to

be content. But contentment is not

happiness. – Max Ehrmann

 

Happiness

by Sean Honea

 

Ehrmann qualified it in rational terms:

happiness equals the desire to work

to obtain success.

 

Brother stressed

the more immediate:

“happiness is finding out

she’s not pregnant” – she

being the girl whose name,

you can’t quite recall but seem

to remember encountering on,

at most, two separate occasions

both of which while drunk.

 

For my part, I do not hang

my happiness on the

“pursuit of beloved labor”

or its avoidance. At least

that is what I tell myself now

when trying to figure out

what it actually means to be content,

and how, and when, and when not.

Yes, but none of them are DEMONOLOGY 101

 

Used to have thing for Sluggy Freelance and User Friendly, but Sluggy got way too complicated and User Friendly not complicated enough.

 

Sinfest and Count Your Sheep are still fun, but am so way behind I'll never catch up.

I need to borrow your muse for a few days, you seem to have an endless creative font. Cool.

very funny. I miss web comics.

Herb? Like rosemerry, I thought she was dead.

 

rev...

Hmm, this got me thinking some. Maybe we need to clarify a few definitions, just so we don't offend anyone unintentionally. IMHO these are the ones I consider most appropriate which apply to our site.

Selecting from Websters:

 

Critical 2c: exercising or involving careful judgment or judicious evaluation <critical thinking>

 

-as opposed to 2a: inclined to criticize severely and unfavorably

 

Feedback 2b: the transmission of evaluative or corrective information about an action, event, or process to the original or controlling source; also : the information so transmitted

 

Minor 1: inferior in importance, size, OR degree

 

 

 

Hmm, I guess the opposite of critical feedback for our purposes could be considered a gut feeling or first reaction usually brief or more intuitive in nature.

 

Now Harsh feedback is something completely different. I throw it around more as a joke of a shared hardship endured really. The tone of Critical Feedback may range from bold, mild, to relatively timid in nature, but that's largely dependent on the personality that is delivering the feedback and how well they can control their emotions or assert themselves. Some are better at it than others. Regardless of tone, Critical Feedback should always have something redeemingly useful to say about what is said or not said in a written work otherwise you're just being rude, mean, or worse incoherent.

 

hope that helps.

 

rev...

 

 

*god, I edit a lot.

The Quakers and Unitarians came up with full contact love fest game for building trust among youth...

 

It's called wink, aka kissing rugby and ratchet screwdriver.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wink_%28game%29

 

demonstration:

 

Actually it didn't tick me off at all. I'm an American Studies Major, half of what I study is Dirty Laundry. If you really want to see evil, try looking at what the United Fruit Company did to South America or what the Tobacco Industry did and is doing to the world (they practically invented Public Relations). Or not so much evil as outright arrogance look at the entire history U.S. with Cuban's struggle for independence combined with the motivations for the Spanish American War. Or if you want something more recent try the FED's use of undercover agents to disrupt Peace Protests and other Activist now and way back in the 1960 / 70s.

 

No nation is perfect, but all have have episodes that they shouldn't be proud of...some more than others.

 

rev...

Yeah I get the whole you should try your hand at prose a lot. I will someday. I hear it so much I think it's probably my destiny to write prose, but for now I'm try to work it all out in verse. Might pay off in the long run creatively, but we'll see.

 

rev...

I think he's trying to illustrate how German POWs in the U.S. had more privileges than the Japanese Americans imprisoned by their own government. By no means did they walk free, but they were treated pretty good, I've heard it argued they had more rights than African Americans in the Jim Crow South, so there's more irony for you.

 

Anyway, you may want to tread a little carefully if you plan on preforming this piece because the "dissecting the pledge" motif has been done before. In other words, others have done it, so on one level you are sort of competing with everyone else that has done it before.

 

* * *

 

Hmm, you might be interested in picking up this book:

 

 

Democracy Betrayed

The Wilmington Race Riot of 1898 and Its Legacy

 

Edited by David S. Cecelski and Timothy B. Tyson

 

http://uncpress.unc.edu/books/T-4785.html

 

An Online version is here:

 

http://www.questia.com/PM.qst?a=o&d=35934122

 

David's one of my current professors. I didn't study this book in class though.

 

Basically the book details the only successful Coup d'etat in U.S. History (well at least that we know about).

Don't let the title fool you the Coup was a state wide event that permeated all levels of government, journalism, and commerce. Basically the Democrats (and the most liberals ones among them if you can believe it) of the day forced out via armed insurrection, economic coercion, and Black / White Sexual propaganda the Fusionist Party: an alliance between the Populist and Republican Party. The Fusionist had control of North Carolina for a full five years before they were overthrown at gun point. The only reason Wilmington gets any note above the State as a whole is because that is where the Coup was least organized and thus the most resistance and blood shed occurred. Whole communities statewide became refugees within a two month time span.

 

This is one of the darkest chapters in U.S. History, so dark that even over 100 years later few even acknowledged it ever occured. Outside of North Carolina, it probably doesn't even come up on anyone's radar. As horrific as it was at least the Genocide of the Native Americans has a place in our history. This chapter for the most part is unknown.

 

Want to know the underlying logic behind Jim Crow Laws and Southern Paternalism? Or why the South is such a bad place for Unions? Read this book.

 

 

rev...

This reminds me a lot of "On the Duty of Civil Disobedience" by Thoreau except applied not to government but to the taking of life. If one person should object then we have an imperfect system and it is the duty of all, not only to disagree, but to disrupt.

Hmm, will have to find time to read this. Sound interesting. On that note, I was communing with about 15 of my fellow Unitarians-Universalists, and we're supposed to be the peacenik hippie types of organized religion. At any rate, I felt a little weird being the only one that choose to save the one over the five. I've asked other ppl about the problem too and apparently I'm the weird outlier that throws off everyone statistics.

 

As far as tightening up the third stanza. I think I needed those lines to pull off the tone shift. It's a point of reflection after the dry explanation of the problem. Well at least I need to name the thought-experiment so I don't get accused of plagiarism. Will give it some more thought.

 

 

That being said, I thought the last two stanzas were very thought provoking. The transition from a fat man on a subway to the atomic bombing of Hiroshima was nicely done. These two stanzas clearly shine for me. It was just a little difficult getting there.

Yeah, agree last two stanza really start singing. First two are a little dry, but needed to lay it all out so the rest makes sense. One friend suggested I condense it down to a logic problem with x and y nomenclature, but I'm not really up on that stuff and wouldn't know where to start. It's a problem. Still it may play to my advantage. Dry Detachment changing into emotional plea, that sort of thing.

 

Fourth stanza bothers me the most. The Language doesn't seem to mesh as well with the rest of the poem. The sentiments are right enough I think. I can't believe I used the word "decry" ick.

 

thanks,

 

rev...

ya know highly technical fields and literally creativity aren't mutual exclusive. A poet, prose writer, and RPG extrodenaire ( who'd I'd also wager is best we're ever had at the pen poet wise) who used to frequent this site did about a decade or so in molecular biology (or similar) before deciding to take a different track in theology. I did satellite communications for a few years when I was in Army, but I pretty much hated it. too much math and schematics to trace for me, before that I was mechanic (also in Army). And Peredhil did something with computers way back when. The Human mind is a beautiful, flexible thing.

 

Congrats on the publication.

 

rev...

Third draft: 11/12/2007

 

*changed lots, too tired to list.

 

 

With Friends

 

Picture five people

tied to a track,

and just before

these unfortunate,

on an opposing rail,

lies another person

likewise construed.

 

At this moment,

a trolley will

likely crush the life

out of these five folk

unless someone

switches the rail

from a near distant

tower, which you

just happen to

be imagined upon,

too far to do anything,

but watch and or

hit the control

that will lock

the switching rails

onto the diverging track

thus, shifting the fate

away from those

five innocent lives

to another waiting

as innocently below.

 

The trolley dilemma

tells me much about

my friends. It tells

me just how different

I am from them. For

in our group, I alone

choose to let the car

ride on as the thought-

experiment intended.

Who am I to take

the life of one for

the sake of many? I say.

And my friends answer,

Well, who are we not

to save the lives of many

over the life of just one?

 

This bothers me

for a while. No one

seems to see why

I decry their thoroughly

considered utilitarianism.

 

Given the same problem

with a slightly different

turn where you must

push a fat man out of

a car to save your own

life as well as everyone

else aboard. Again,

I stand alone in choosing

to let the game play out

without my hand saving

what might as well be

the whole world through

the extinguishing of one

inconvenient life.

 

And I am not so sure

why I see it differently

from my friends, until

I remember how justified

the explanation

for dropping another

Fat Man over the crowded

lights of a far away Japan

seemed to a much younger

version of myself,

safely tucked behind

the dissociating veil

of a history that

was not mine

to live through.

Now, I am older

and have been taught

a little of what it is

to kill, and I am ashamed

that I would ever

think it right

to save the lives

of any number pro

a single person killed

in a calculated wreck

of cold blood.

I tend to be too trusting. And despite all my ranting over this and that, I remain at the core an optimist, though a practical one.

Sometimes I get burned, sometimes I make out. Life is give and take.

 

In a relationship, I trust until given a reason not to trust, which varies because I can be pretty perceptive one day and dense as a log the next.

 

So trust everyone and you risk being taking for a fool. Trust no one and you'll die from the stress.

 

rev...

yeah but the right word might be cliche. Also, I've heard lot's of hooks that don't make sense, but sound great. You can do that in music, but it's hard to pull off in poetry.

New Selected Poems, Philip Levine

Now lost it seems, as if within

a winter's haze, the seasons pass

just as fast as innocence begins

to wither away

 

 

rev...

11/12/2007

 

Second draft:

 

* minor changes to the ending and line breaks of last stanza

* exchange "light" for "life" in 3rd line of 2nd stanza

* exchanged "five" for "many" in last line of 3rd stanza and trimmed it up some

* played with line breaks in 2nd and 3rd stanza

* put more emphasis on "ride on" via line break in 8th line of 3rd stanza

* 2nd stanza line 13, exchange "switch" for "certain doom"

 

With Friends

 

Picture five people

tied to a track,

and just before

these unfortunate,

on an opposing rail,

lies another person

likewise construed.

 

At this moment,

a trolley likely

will crush the life

out of these five

unless someone

switches the rail

from a near

distant tower, which

you just happen to

be imagined upon,

too far to do anything,

but watch and or

shift a certain doom

from the several

innocent lives

awaiting their fate

to another waiting

as innocently below.

 

The trolley dilemma

tells me much about

my friends. It tells

me just how different

I am from them. For

in our group, I alone

choose to let the car

ride on

as the thought-

experiment intended.

Who am I to take

the life of one for

the sake of many? I say.

And my friends answer,

Well, who are we

not to save the many

over one?

 

This bothers me

for a while. No one

seems to see why

I decry their thoughtfully

considered utilitarianism.

 

Given the same problem

with a slightly different

turn where you must

push a fat man out of

a car to save your own

life as well as everyone

else aboard. Again,

I stand alone in choosing

to let the game play out

without my hand saving

what might as well be

the whole world through

the extinguishing of one

inconvenient life.

 

And I am not so sure

why I see it differently

from my friends, until

I remember how

justified the explanations

for the dropping

of another Fat Man

over the crowded

lights of a far away Japan

seemed to a much younger

version of myself

safely tucked behind

the dissociating

veil of a history

I did not have

to live through.

Now I am older

and have been taught

a little of what it is

to kill, and I am ashamed

that I would ever

think it right

to save the lives

of any number

over a single person killed

in an act of coolly

calculated blood.

Think you're on to something here. It's very good.

 

 

Fright

 

I have heard it said before

to a frightened child in the corner

that if monsters come

to close your eyes and count I would drop this "to," it keeps you from confusing the "sounds of the potential pun" of the action of "closing of the eyes" with the action of the monster "coming too close". That and it allows your speaker a neat trick of instantly inhabiting the child (a free-indirect-discourse technique). It might throw off your rhythm some, eh life is compromise

to ten,

Looks like a song to me. I wouldn't worry about cliche language so much with a song. If the music's strong enough, it will carry a few (but not all) of them for you.

 

works for me. Maybe re-look the last stanza on punctuation and capitalization choices, but lyrics don't have to stand completely own their own, so structural stuff isn't as important, since its true form would be laid on a sheet of music.

 

So to make them truly stand on their own, divorced from the music and laid on the poetic page, you might have to compromise a little from the way you play it. Maybe. Depends on just how good you are at serving two muses at the same time

 

rev...

11/12/2007

 

With Friends

 

Picture five people

tied to a track,

and just before

these unfortunate,

on an opposing rail,

lies another person

likewise construed.

 

At this moment,

a trolley likely

will crush the light

out of these five

unless someone

switches the rail

from a near distant tower

which you just happen

to be imagined upon,

too far to do anything,

but watch and or

shift the switch

from the several

innocent lives

awaiting their fate

to another waiting

as innocently below.

 

The trolley dilemma

tells me much about

my friends. It tells

me just how different

I am from them. For

in our group, I alone

choose to let the car

ride on as the thought-

experiment intended.

Who am I to take

the life of one for

the sake of many?

And my friends answer,

Well, who are we

not to save the lives

of five over one?

 

This bothers me

for a while. No one

seems to see why

I decry their thoughtfully

considered utilitarianism.

 

Given the same problem

with a slightly different

turn where you must

push a fat man out of

a car to save your own

life as well as everyone

else aboard. Again,

I stand alone in choosing

to let the game play out

without my hand saving

what might as well be

the whole world through

the extinguishing of one

an inconvenient life.

 

And I am not so sure

why I see it differently

than my friends, until

I remember just how

justified the explanations

for the dropping of

another Fat Man

over the crowded

lights of a far away

Japan seemed to a much

younger version of myself

safely tucked behind

the dissociating veil

of a history

I did not have

to live through.

Now I am older

and have been taught

a little of what it is

to kill, and I am ashamed

that I would ever think

it right to save the lives

of any number over

a single person killed

in an act of cold blood.

Interestingly enough, i've just discovered that Wallace Stevens (American Southern type) sometimes will use an ellipse to indicate a pause in a poem. not many dashes or colons though. he's more a common / semi-colon kind of guy.

 

rev...