Vlad

Falling is something you get used to after a while. Even being tackled by random strangers. But Vlad was still surprised when he saw Kasmandre's left bicep pushing down on his face. Vlad didn't take too long to think about it, and almost immediately bit into the archmages neck, which happened to be close by. Funny how anatomy works.

 

... Well, the vampire thought he bit into Kasmandre's neck. It was more of the upper back. Realizing his mistake, Vlad immediately jumped up, leaving his victim bleeding on the floor.

 

"Sorry 'bout that, old chap. I truly am. Hmm... Where's Melba, someone needs to clean up this mess."

 

Looking around, he sees one of the paper bags on the floor, and Damon lying somewhere close by. Walking over to the two, first he picks up the paper bag, then helps Damon up.

 

"You see, Wyvern sometimes has these crazy schemes that nobody thinks will work. But I have faith in him. I mean, just look at the law of averages, and the laws of probability. One of these plans is bound to work! And I want in on the geld!"

 

At the word 'geld' an echo resonated through the halls, obviously Wyvern's voice, "Geld? Where?"

As the Greedy Elder of initiates continued tumbling, even after the stairs had ended (why waste so much cheap inertia?) he nearly bowled over more than a few of the pen members roaming the various halls. When he finally did stop, he ended up in front of one of his "self proclaimed devout followers", Vlad.

 

The vampire looked at the form of the Elder and pretended not to recognize who it was, partly to suck up, but mostly to humor the Elder. As Wyvern got up, Vlad suddenly pretended to have a Stroke of Genius, and realize who the honorable being before him was.

 

With a slight smirk, the vampire reached into his cape, pulled out a gold coin, and nonchalantly tossed it to the Elder. "Need any help, mysterious stragner wearing a ski mask?"

Days go by,

Oozing past me,

Time slows today.

 

But today will never end,

Life being sucked out-

Enegry is lacking.

 

Don't know how,

This could've happened.

But I just feel oh so very-

 

Tired.

that was my grandpa's name, "Yaa-kub"

Hebrew, biblical.

yea, umm... whenever I try to write, nothing comes out that can follow up the begining.

 

sorry, but it might be a bit slow now...

What is real only crumbles to sand

Death is so near

But not soon enough

Darkness leaves

But the shadows stay

I liked these, my favorite was the Shadows one... the title escapes me at the moment. <_<

 

"What is real only crumbles to sand" - this is something I've thought about a lot myself... I guess it's just the Matrix talking... I've seen that movie too goddammed many times...

 

The rest is just really cool!

The brood of many,

Still so young-

Naive and innocent.

 

Blood has not yet,

Stained the torn,

Hearts and hands.

Leaking through-

Fingers open like,

A grave beckoning.

 

The tormentor,

Awakens and awaits.

That which stems,

From the only-

Soulless brood.

I like the repetetive use of "5 seconds"

really created an image for me.

Well - you asked for the worst anfd the best, so here goes:

 

It has no rythym, or meter, or structure that I noticed.

I don't like that, but it can make for excellent poetry if done properly.

 

This seemed a bit comedic to me, and it made me chuckle.

Well - you asked for the worst anfd the best, so here goes:

 

It has no rythym, or meter, or structure that I noticed.

I don't like that, but it can make for excellent poetry if done properly.

 

This seemed a bit comedic to me, and it made me chuckle.

Heh - this amuses me.

Don't know why...

 

Keep on writing.

I like this - it has a tight and clean feel.

The imagery is amazing!

Iv'e tried so hard to create something like this, but you've done it.

And by golly, you've done it well!

Tonight is dark-

 

A silent spectre

Graces over death

and me

 

Life purrs and creaks,

Stalking endlessly,

 

Dusk becomes the tool,

Of those unclean.

Stars - the map,

To hellish doom.

 

Disciples of the Lord,

Would be the first to-

...vanish.

 

Suffering a hoax,

They can always scream

But never be heard,

or priviledged,

to simply,

die.

Feel free

To tell

me that i'm wrong

 

Know that

you can

Simply disagree

 

Blissful-

life i live

-Ignorance

 

You win,

But I still go on,

You flaunt,

But I don't much care,

You live,

And I will join you now.

 

Eternal space - blank days

Night of a thousand moons

 

Illusions creep

and crawl

and hide

 

Speak softly or not at all,

For in the end-

I'm right.

*shrugs* I like this, but I don't know why.

This is good writing.

 

(I think about three dozen people will understand the last line, or I could be way off...)

*whistles innocently

compact writing - the font and size help that.

I like it, maybe it's almost worth making you mad.

One can hope

But expect the least

The greatest is not

Awakened yet

 

Relive the glory

Feel the everlasting pain

Through your mind

Flowing like a raven

In the polluted sky

keep it up Cyril.

this is good, and things will get even better if you play your cards right.

This didn't seem to be a song until I hit the 'oh yeah'.

keep it up, I think you might have a future in the music industry.

/me smiles and sits back with his cable modem...

 

Nope, don't understand a word of it.

huh...

Just the opposite for me, as soon as school is over, I'm gonna be online more - not like I have anything else to do...

 

We'll miss you Wyv and Gwai...

 

*As the vampire starts to leave, he turns back and grabs at Gwai's legs "No, don't leave us... That means Deggy will have unrivaled power on IRC... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"*

You should consider asking an elder to relocate this to the Writer's Workshop, although member only, it is the place to go for works in progress.

 

Other than that, the fourth line seems a bit short, maybe add something between 'multiple' and 'end' - I don't know what because I'm confused as to what your message from that line is.

I like how you used imperfect rhymes, mostly, instead of perfect ones. It makes the writing have it's own feel without becoming sing-songy.

I like the adverbs at the end...

True emotion.

This is sad- but I like it.

Well written, I've only had one death in my life, and it is too much for me.

I can only echo what has been said before...

I missed it the first time, but you seemed so proud of *something* on IRC...