whitenoise Posted May 16, 2003 Report Share Posted May 16, 2003 Wrote this sometime last school year...something like November 2001. Lost Deep Put on your face dress in lace leave not a trace of dirt Throw your voice to the top of the hole in grassy knoll You're on top, I hear you No, on bottom, I see you No one cares about depth No one sees it I, yes I, find you so very lost Need you rope, while friends give you shovel, pile dirt on top of you, child please stop digging Need you hope, 'stead buy you dope, friend? drugs you alope, pretend everything’s fine while you Put on your face dress in lace leave not a trace of depression Whitenoise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitenoise Posted May 16, 2003 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2003 it appears I have posted this in the wrong area...my apologies. I guess this should be posted in the Banquet Hall. I guess I could use the loophole by saying it was posted on my own website? I dunno. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted May 16, 2003 Report Share Posted May 16, 2003 No problem, I'll move it to the Banquet Hall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damon Inferel Posted May 17, 2003 Report Share Posted May 17, 2003 Erm... meow? Forgive me, as my spider sense of analogy is a little off. Was this poem about someone hiding their emotions? In any case, this is a fairly decent poem. As I am not one to revis my work after it has been posted, it would be hypocritical to ask you to edit it slightly. While I may not have understood it, the language in itself did convey a essage of some sort, one I am willing to discover when my brain decides to stop tingling. "Spider senses Jingling! Ack! Christmas carols!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitenoise Posted May 17, 2003 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2003 Man, you got it pretty close. It was about my former girlfriend, who happened to be either suicidal or just masochist, and I got all upset because she didn't do anything to stop her life-threatening behavior. She was on prozac for depression, yet she was still drinking every weekend and doing ecstacy at raves (I found out all of this after we started going out). Needless to say, I got out of that situation pretty quickly. Didn't want to get sucked into that mess. Oh, and sorry if it seems cryptic or anything...that's just my writing style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damon Inferel Posted May 17, 2003 Report Share Posted May 17, 2003 Yeah, regrettfully I had.have some of the same tendencies. I just have bound all of them into promises, so I'm not allowed to hurt myself. I already am a sadomasochist, but I tied it all into pacifism and the promise to my girlfriend to not hurt myself. I did a lot of bad things with a clay knife... meow. Sadly, I don't regret it, but I could never apologize enough. For putter her through it, I am sorry, but for doing it to myself... that's a little different. I do feel guilty, mind you. And the whole... suicidal thing... twenty-nine pills didn't kill me, so I must be pretty well off as far as health is concerned. Meep, I probably shouldn't have said any of that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallscale_mind_games Posted May 17, 2003 Report Share Posted May 17, 2003 Nice poem. It would be neat put to music. *vows to herself once again to learn how to write music* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autumn_sun Posted May 17, 2003 Report Share Posted May 17, 2003 (edited) =thumbs up sign= Me likes it a lot! yesh..... @Merry: I'd help...mebbe. Edited May 17, 2003 by autumn_sun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted May 17, 2003 Report Share Posted May 17, 2003 Very nice poem... The repetition of the first stanza as the last, with the change of the one word, was particularly effective in my opinion. As Damon said, it seems a little cryptic, but the general gist is gotten easily enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitenoise Posted May 17, 2003 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2003 Thank you guys for your feedback. small_scale_mind_games Yeah, at the time I still thought I was going to get into music as a profession, so in my mind I was writing lyrics. That changed awhile back, as did my aspirations, and now I just think of it as writing poetry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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