jonathan_wolfe Posted March 31, 2003 Report Share Posted March 31, 2003 There is a touch of something In all this darkness, that ever respendent hope Must it always pierce through the clouds of dark and despair To lift those who have fallen to their feet Yes it must It must for that is why it exists at all... And into the light they rise To bear their gift, and strike back the darkness And then the sky lifts, the lightness fades and... We are left with nothing but normal, once again... and again. Woe be those, the strikers of light and dark. For I am the bringer of the Grey. I am not judgeful, nor bent on vengance. My ever watching eyes grades both of you. You are not worthy. So I shall strike you both back again, to your respective realms, until you see fit to do battle again. One day I will laugh, and this pettiness will end. The Grey is coming and You can't stop it... It Transcends all of humanity all of transcendanty all of the galaxy. We're all right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonathan_wolfe Posted April 1, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2003 Hello?... Anyone?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rahsash Geldich Posted April 2, 2003 Report Share Posted April 2, 2003 A very mystical writing indeed. It seems that a prevalent force, just shy of justice (the line "I am not judgeful, nor bent on vengance") is watching, although it is unclear who they are watching. Another possibility that poses is that there is no real wrong or right, just two prevalent forces that should be melded into one great "Way" that is Grey and neither, but both in the same sense. Very interesting, since the theme flows from a desolate 'dark' landscape being brought back to the 'light' into it. Good stuff, please don't mind my analytical babbling (umless of course, you liked it ) Really good freestyle, might I add, with a... hmm, insert complimentary adjective here use of punctiuation that indicated pauses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted April 2, 2003 Report Share Posted April 2, 2003 Line 2- "In all this darkness, that ever respendent hope" I'd change 'ever respedent' to 'ever-resplendent' Hm... while I can see the point of keeping everything in equal stanzas, since you're not going for an ABAB rhyming scheme, I'd move the fifth line to the first stanze and start the second stanza with 'Yes it must'. Hm... the last line is a bit jarring compared to the previous stanza, which is fairly grim. All in all, a good poem- I think there's a lot going on that I can't see at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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