Gyrfalcon the Movie: Directors Cut

[Wyvern]

Tzimfemme and Rydia

 

Wyvern lolls backwards in his chair, resting the tip on his tail on his cluttered desk and forming an acute angle with the floor which humanoids would be hard-pressed to copy. He puffs out a thoughtful breath, wondering how and where he could obtain one of those feeeee-males for the role for low cost. Idly he reaches for one pile of clutter, hoping that in one of the fresher envelopes was a very large check from a very unwise producer.

 

The first letter, stuffed beyond endurance, bursts as soon as Wyvern slices the ward. Notices drifted in quadruplicate around Wyvern's office. Wyvern snaps his eyes shut--his lawyer was adamant that he never, ever read any legal document--and incinerates the flock with a swift fireball. "Take THAT for your Exhibit A, Gyrfalcon," he mutters, sweeping the dust off of the rest of the mail.

 

The second envelope explodes. Wyvern's desk and chair disintegrate, and his spine cracks unpleasantly as it hits the floor. Among the wreckage is an unharmed box, warded brown wrapping suspiciously free of ash. Wyvern struggles upright with a mild curse and taps the box gingerly with a talon. Nothing. He sinks a talon through the wrapping. Still nothing. He touches the ward, then licks his talon. "Mmmm. . .sugary. . .tastes like pixy stix--"

 

He freezes, then licks the ward itself. Artificial lime pixy stix powder. . .mmmm. Sugary jittery hyperactive goodness. . .lick lick lick. . .

 

By the time the soaked paper falls off of the box, Wyvern is on a super sugar rush. His jittery vision sees three vibrating foot-tall silver eggs, which slowly resolve into one, and a note made illegible with his vibrating grasp.

 

Wyvern and such--

 

You're not roping me into this or us!!!!--so I'm leaving this with you. Water it regularly and polish daily, and if you don't have an actress in a week, you will. If you already have one, hide her. Hide her well. She can smell the fearful. And keep some elemental extinguishers and fresh vegetables on hand.

 

Rydia

Minta Rose

[Wyvern]

Gyrfalcon

 

OOC: Rydia- the lawsuit was averted by my threat to crush his head with my 'lawyer'- a heavy hammer. He quickly agreed to share profits with me, rather then suffer the consequences of copyright infringment on the name of a powerful archmage.

 

unless of course, Wyvern tries to pull a fast one, and you wouldn't do that Wyvern, would you.....?

 

*a massive hammer appears above Wyverns head. He looks up then quickly shakes his head*

[Wyvern]

Ozymandias

 

OOC:Is you-know-who making a you-know-what for our little venture?

AWRIIIIIIIGGGHHT!

IC:

Ozymandias and P51mus have yet to leave the wreckage of Wyvern's old place. P51mus is perched atop a suitable stone outcropping, praticing looking his sinister best. At least three daffodils die of fright on a neighboring windowsill. Ozymandias, meanwhile, is working with his costuming. Let's see... A flash of blue light, and he is a small, pasty faced man, with waxy mustache and waxy skin. He is hunched over slightly as he kneads his palms, as if deep in thought. "Saruman has no time for the- No, no. Been done." Another blue flash, and the dark robes and pale complexion are replaced by youthful vigor, and glaringly red, green, and yellow clothing. "Holy hopping hippotamuses, Batma-What am I doing??" Another flash. A tall figure in black armor stands regally amidst the rubble, breath echoing heavily within his helmet. "If only you knew the *power* of the dark side.", rolls out a voice in a profound bass. Once more, the sky glows electric blue, and Ozymandias stands once more. Hmmmmm. Lifting his arms, Ozymandias floats into the air, and off down the street. "Wyvern? Wyvern! I need to see the makeup department and a script, immediately!"

[Wyvern]

Racouol

 

Wyvern, I need to ask something about this movie. How much will I be payed? I want to make a budget from the amount of money I will get from this job. (Racouol turns and walks away and starts muttering to himself). Now I need to take notes on Gyrfalcon.

[Wyvern]

Wyvern

 

O.K...

 

Immortalis: Bardis is an old friend and side-kick of Gyrfalcon. While he knows little magic, his skill with the blade makes up for this loss. His loyalty and devotion to Gyrfalcon is enormous, and he would gladly risk his life to save that of Gyrfalcon. He is not a drunk, and he doesn't have a hamster either...

 

Rydia: ??? Was that an attempt to kill me? Or a proposal to play the part of Elemestra?! Would you PLEASE take the part?!! We only need one more actor and we can start filming. If you were in it, I'm sure it would be a huge success! Your gonna have to be a bit clearer about it though...

 

Racouol: 500,000,000 geld per scene, and considering your in practicly every scene...

 

We still need one actress...

[Wyvern]

Immortalis

 

Hey Wyvern, no Hammel the Hamster to guide me, no gig!!

 

These only add to the infinate amount of dimensions played and portrayed by Immortalis. It enrichens plot, and thickens my blood, or is that my skull :confused:

[Wyvern]

Zool

 

The rubber chicken surveys the action leading up to the filming. Flopping his little head from side to side and throwing his stubby wings in the air he exclaims in dusgust, "Actors and their egos - it never changes!"

He sees Wyvern running by on his way to an important meeting with the movies underwriters. "Hey," he says to Wyvern, "Could I get a mineral water over here?"

 

Rubber Chicken is flabbergasted when Wyvern hurries off to his meeting and leaves.

 

"Well I never!" he said, his stubby wingtips on his hips. "Doesn't he know how important the actors are?"

[Wyvern]

Peredhil31

 

As the Rubber Chicken stands with stubby wings on hips akimbo, it is interrupted with a tap on its shoulder.

"Excuse me RC?"

Turning, the Chicken sees a tall man wearing mirror wire-rim shades, bent over above him. One hand is still out-stretched from tapping. The other is holding out a glass of ice-water.

"Have you seen Zool? I've a little...business to discuss with him."

"Squawk? Cac! Kle! Squawk!"

"Actually I've never met Feath, but I'm sure she does have her warm assets. No, I haven't signed yet, and yes, Zool IS my agent too. Matt you say?"

"Squawk, cluck, cluck cluck."

"He keeps losing his threads? They way he dresses, he should. Have you heard about the copywrite lawsuit?"

"CLUCK, CLUCK-CLUCK! (cackle, cluck.)"

"He's lost in threads! Gyrfalcon and Wyvern reconciled? I need my agent NOW!"

Straightening to his full height the man raised his left hand.

A broad silvery banded ring cradled a large blue stone.

"Elbereth Alonie Orodunea Earen dahlen!" At the words the stone burst forth a brilliant blue flash. Zool stood before the man, naked except a bad toupee.

Shivering slightly, Zool stuttered out some words - A horribly loud yellow and red checkered Zool Zoot Suit grew on his form. The striped green and black tie set it off to perfection.

"Peredhil baby! I was just on my way to see you. I stopped by a party to sign a few clients and got hung up." Zool stopped to dig a piece of chocolate from his eye.

"Zool - about copywrites and contracts."

"Not to worry, it's in the bag, its a shoe-in!" Dropping his voice to a whisper, Zool continued, "I've got an ANGLE!"

"Wyvern and Gyrfalcon have an agreement."

"Great! See, you're Mystic! You know things that can't be known! My Chicken! There you are you little rascal!"

"Squawk!"

"20%! You're a side-kick!"

Zool and the Rubber Chicken began arguing at the top of their lungs. Peredhil drifted off and after a few Words, sat in the canvas folding chair that appeared. Matt crawled down off Zool's head and inched over to Peredhil. Reaching down and picking up the toupee, Peredhil began talking softly to the piece.

[Wyvern]

Ozymandias

 

A vague, amorphous voice says from the air,

"Wyern, just follow the instructionsss...water her carefully...and doooon't hire anyone else to play Elmenestraaaaa."

Wyvern looks around in befuddlement, then a dark look crosses his face. Jabbing a finger (?) into his ear, he twisted it around roughly, then yanked it out again. The tiniest possible form to still be seen by the naked eye scurries across his clawtip, screaming a tiny scream. "e!"

@#$%&* Ear Gnomes., thinks Wyvern with feeling. With a flick of a finger, he creates a gnome legend-the day Gok flew halfway across the world.

 

"iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee..."

[Wyvern]

Wyvern

 

Well, I have the character descriptions and plot synopsis all worked out, but I'm saving them for when we get an actress.

 

Don't worry, I'm sure one is on its way!

 

(Wyvern waters the sugar cube, just in case...)

[Wyvern]

Cheyenne

 

Wyvern Darling...*Cheyenne waltzes in with a casual air of nonchalance* I have been down in cancun splashing in the surf, wearing the most awesome bikini known to man, or dragon for that matter, and only recently became aware of this movie in progress! *puffing on tiny cigarette (in a holder of course!)blowing smoke rings up into the air* I think what you have done here is fabulous, just fabulous....Of course I will have my own dressing room, right? Not to worry about the stunt double but if I get into a scene that is just too far out there, I will give Rydia a call and ask her for her insight! One question though, is there any love-making scenes in this movie that I should prep for? Who you like a demonstration? I picked up a few new moves down south, it is so hot down there, you just wouldn't believe!!!! Love you Babe, Chow....

*Cheyennne waltzes out the door as quickly as she came in, billowing silky red locks behing her*

 

[This message has been edited by Cheyenne (edited October 09, 2000).]one of these days I will learn how to spell and won't have to edit my posts!!!!

[Wyvern]

Immortalis

 

"I am Cornholio, Want to see my #####!!!"

Calm yourself down Hammel Sensei!! However, Wyvern, if you ban Hammel from an aspiring acting career, you should ban all prolific pet peversion... (God, I never tire of this phrase) This is being a hypocrite, not to be insulting whatsoever...

 

Examine this further, and we shall walk in the light, and perhaps, get our own imprints in the walk of fame!!!

[Wyvern]

Brute

 

Not far from the action of the ranting actors and agents, Brute shows up with a lawn chair, a bag of beef jerky, and his Decanter. Choosing an appropriate spot, he plops down on the sidewalk and begins to drink heavily from the Decanter and gnaw on his jerky sticks.

Suddenly, Zool appears from around the corner, cell phone pressed to his ear, and on his way to his carpet limo. Zool takes in the site of Brute and his Decanter and waves to him.

"Brute, baby! Whatever are you doing sitting on the sidewalk in a lawn chair?"

"I'm waitin..."

"That's marv, baby! Listen, I can make you an offer that hurts me to even think about it. Do you have an agent?"

 

Brute's mouth hung slightly open in confusion. "I'm just here to get.."

 

"No? Good. Here, take my card and call me. We'll do lunch. Oh, and let's get together sometime with the Decanter. I want you to meet some friends!"

 

And with that, Zool stepped onto his carpet limo and flew off.

 

Brute sat amazed at the small card in his hand. "I just wanna be the first to get tickets for the Movie," he said.

 

Shrugging his broad shoulders, he dropped the card into a trashcan and continued to swill booze.

 

Brute, Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze

[Wyvern]

Cheyenne

 

Leaving the building Cheyenne immedialty runs into Brute, almost knocking him out of his chair.

OMG Brute, I am so sorry! Next time get out of my way though, K???!!!! So, are you here to audition? I hear Wyvern is about to finish the casting. You had better go see him soon if you want him to get you into the cameo appearnce of "Drunkman". Then again, maybe he has already rethought that particular part of the movie, you would have to ask. Wow, is that deer jerky or beef? I so love deer jerky. Hey, I hear there is a hamster running around here somewhere, could you make jerky out of that????

 

As Cheyenne runs her mouth a million miles an hour, Brute calmly just guzzles down more of the beverage from the Decanter. Keeping an interested expression on his face as he thinks about those naked nymphs of yesteryear (day???) he even manages an approving grunt here and there.

 

Well, Dear, I must be going. Please stop by the penthouse sometime and we could have a great party. Ta Ta...

 

Cheyenne elegently steps into a portal of ice blue fire and is gone in an instant.

[Wyvern]

Wyvern

 

YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!

Finaly! An actress appropriate for the role! Now, we can really get this movie on the road. Cheye, baby, no love-making scenes with Racouol (to bad eh...? ) but there is a topless scene....

 

(Wyvern throws the sugar cube out the window)

 

All of the actors have been decided. They are as follows:

 

-Racouol as Gyrfalcon

-Cheyenne as Elemestra

-Immortalis as Bardis (with Hammel as his pet rat)

-Peredhil31 as Mystic

-P51mus as Sinistro

-Ozymandias as Nemphis

-Zool's rubber chicken as Terrorizer

 

Any other actors that wish to have a small walk-on scene or cameo appearence, please inform me before the day the filming commences: Monday, October 16.

 

Soon, I will post a list of the characters along with their descriptions and attitudes. Gyrfalcon, I would really appreciate it if you posted your own description and character. That way, Racouol will be able to act you out perfectly!

 

Now, back to geld problems...

[Wyvern]

Immortalis

 

*Squeak*-squeak- I am not a rat!!!

 

Quoted from, "The Journals of Hammel Sensei, Field Marshal to the Criminally Insane Yet Good Hearted!"

[Wyvern]

Gyrfalcon

 

okay, here is my description, Wyvern.

_____________________________________________

Stats of Gyrfalcon:

 

physical:

6' 2", 180 pounds.

green eyes, brown hair, and a lefty.

well muscled, but not over-muscled (over-muscled: so many muscles the brain atrophies from lack of attention. =P)

usually wears mithral field plate, and an unadorned helmet when fighting. Usually carries his magical katana strapped to his back. Occasionally has a wand or two on belt, and his grimore is always there. Always clean and well-groomed. He appears to be mid-20s, despite the fact he is several millennia old. This does not seem to be an illusion, and is put down to his heritage as a demi-god.

 

description of magical items:

 

mitril field plate: this armor has been enchanted for lightness and additional protection- it is so light, in fact, that Gyrfalcon is able to cast spells armored, something most mages cannot do.

 

helmet: Provides significant protection to magical acid, fire, lightning, ice, and pure magic attacks. provides complete immunity to poisons, illusions, spells effecting the mind, psionics, and charm spells.

 

katana: this sword has been heavily enchanted, so that it can return to Gyrfalcon's hand at a thought, and cut through nearly any material. (diamond and adamantium are the exceptions)

 

spellbook: this item is usually chained to Gyrfalcon's belt with an adamantium chain. It cannot be destroyed or damaged in any way. If it somehow is taken or stolen, Gyrfalcon can send it back to his fortress to be recovered at a later time.

 

personality:

 

Gyrfalcon has a strong sense of justice. He will always do what is truely right, not what society says is 'right'. (example: Gyrfalcon will free slaves even if laws say that slaves are ok) Gyrfalcon is completely loyal to his friends and allies, but has been been known to kill anyone who betrays him, sooner or later. Gyrfalcon is mentally stable, which is a surprise after the centuries he has spent around Boaz and Joat. Gyrfalcon is proud, but not so proud as to not accept help if needed. He will never grovel or beg, not even for his life. as a demigod, his major ability is to absorb a large attack on him or an ally, and redirect it in the form of a spell, usually one of two- Aegis Beam and Fire Needles.

 

known spells invented by Gyrfalcon:

Ice Age- a ice version of Inferno. additionally, snow monsters operate at a much better level after this spell.

Aegis Beam- increadibly devestating beam of pure mana from the five colors. Because of it's nature, there is no chance of absorbing it due to it being of a mage's color. The only chance of survival if Gyrfalcon uses this is to get out of the way. However, this attack needs a great deal of absorbed power, and can only be used after absorbing an attack nearly as brutal.

Fire Needles- When Gyrfalcon uses this Eradication spell, thousands of tiny lances of fire energy spring from his hands towards his target. Individually, they would be no threat to a mage, but together, the lances can eat through the shield quickly. This is Gyrfalcon's standard counter after aborbing an attack. While the lances move quickly, it is possible to evade them, and in the case of a very powerful mage, stand against them. However, to stand against the attack would do major damage to that mage's mana reserves to keep his shields working.

 

Respectfully yours,

Vashim Harsi

_____________________________________________

 

*the name cuts off suddenly, and at the bottom of the last page, there are blood stains. Obviously, the spy meet a quick end.*

[Wyvern]

Cheyenne

 

I have one question...the topless scene has already been done once in the apocalypse party that Nic threw, Feath was better at it than I, however, if this technique is to be applied again, it needs some pizzaze (sp?) or atleast more forethought than just "OMG naked breasts" type thing. Any thoughts on this?

[Wyvern]

Zool

 

"'OMG naked breasts!' works for me."

*Zool drools into his AoA droolpan.*

 

*Rubber chicken slaps Zool. Thwap!*

 

"Err, yeah - That's terrible..." mutters Zool as he rubs his red face.

[Wyvern]

Racouol

 

Racouol reads the discription of Gyrfalcon then takes a close look in the mirror. "Grrrrr, I look nothing like Gyrfalcon. I need to compleatly change what I look like. I guess it is time to call in the best make-up artists in Terra." Racouol then storms into Wyverns office. "Ok Wyvern, you are now going to have to hire the best make-up artists in this world so I can look somewhat like what Gyrfalcon is suppose to look like. I would like you to find one."

[Wyvern]

Zool

 

Zool runs into Wyvern's office with a trunk on his back.

"Don't worry about a thing Racouol! I can take care of everything but the make-up." Zool puts down the trunk and opens the lid, dodging the debris that ejects from the musty portal as he does so.

 

"Here, get on these stilts." Zool hands over a pair of shin stilts. Racouol straps into them and slowly gets up, wobbling only slightly. "There, see! You're half a meter taller! We'll get some elevator shoes later to make up the difference."

 

Zool bends back down to his trunk. "Now, put on this muscle suit, this wig, these gloves, this armour, these boots... Oops!" Racouol fell over halfway into his armour with a loud crash.

 

"Uh, Medic!"

[Wyvern]

Peredhil31

 

"Medic? Will a Mystic do?"

In a swirl of multi-colored (environmentally biodegradable and non-toxic) mists, Peredhil appears.

 

"Nurse, get me some hot water!"

Matt the Toupee slithers over to Zool and begins climbing his leg. The Rubber Chicken s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s and retrieves Wyvern's container of Starvation Creek bottled water that'd been sitting refracting a sunbeam.

 

Swilling the water, Peredhil quickly mumbles a few words and makes some mystic passes. Palming a small capsule, he breaks it under Racouol's nose. Racouol regains consciousness with a head start on a head ache.

 

Fixing Wyvern with a steely eye, Peredhil exclaims, "Doctor, I think he'll live!"

 

"Why am I wearing this?" Racouol dazed voice comes faintly through his slipped wig.

 

"He who would fill the Falcon's feathers needs must gyve himself in the proper plummage," replies Peredhil.

 

"Beautiful Plummage," Interjects Zool helpfully, "Wait 'till we nail you to the perch!"

 

As Peredhil stands, Zool passes him a small parchment. After glancing at it, Peredhil shrugs and palms a small plastic ball.

 

With a dramatic downward gesture (tossing the ball to explode at Racouol's feet) Peredhil emotes through a rising mist...

"The Quill is more vigorous than the Glaive! To a Seeker the Path is more worthy than the Goal! Never Goal Tend - 'tis Fowl!"

 

The mists subside, and Peredhil is gone.

 

[This message has been edited by peredhil31 (edited October 12, 2000).]

[Wyvern]

Wyvern

 

Peredhil, you were BORN to play the part of Mystic!

As I promised, a list of all the characters:

 

Gyrfalcon: (already posted by Gyrfalcon)

 

Elemestra: A beautifull, free-spirited elementress and enchantress. She can be a person's fantasy come true or their worst nightmare. Flowing hair, beautifull bod, sweet smile (in other words: Cheyennne!). She has not fully come to grips with her powers, but still outclasses most mages. Those men who are thinking of a snobby, helpless princess are in for a surprise. She has already ditched 4 adventurers as they couldn't keep up with her! She is a very motivated and courageous individual, and will stop at nothing to achieve what is right. Wears: classic sorceress robes. Decieving, as she usualy protects herself with an invisable Flame Sheild.

 

Bardis: Gyrfalcon's best friend and most faithfull ally. An elven warrior. He knows no magic, but rather lives by his blade. He is known throughout Terra as one of the finest swordsmen that ever lived. He wears an armor made of elven-mail, very strong material indeed. He respects and admires Gyrfalcon, and would gladly risk his life to save that of Gyrfalcon. Bardis also has a pet MOUSE (not rat) by the name of Mite. This mouse has been specialy trained by Bardis to be extremly devious and cunning.

 

Mystic: Peredhil: this will be a challenging role, but I know you can handle it.

Mystic is an eccentric old wise-man who lives in the lost mountains, far from civilisation. He owns a little hut in which he practices all sorts of strange physical and psychological experiments. He has a long white beard, which he often strokes. Mystic is an all-knowing sage. The world has no mysteries for him. However, when people journey to the lost mountains to ask him for advice, he never answers them directly. Instead, he talks in riddles and questions. Those which ask him must find the response to their questions theirselves through his guidance. He also owns a large collection of rare, antique artifacts...

 

Sinistro: If pure evil could be incarnated into one being, it would be this man. Sinistro wears a classic, dark villains cloak. His skin is pallid, and he rarely laughs or even smiles. He is an absolute master of the magical arts, and is a good swordsman as well. He wants revenge against Gyrfalcon for destroying his brother, and wants to avenge himself by destroying the entire elven race! But there's more. This form of Sinistro (a dark, pallid man in a cloak), is merely Sinistro's shadow! The true Sinistro is a terrible half-human half-demon. He wears a demonic red and black armor with a black cape, and has large goat horns coming out of his head. The true form of Sinistro is MUCH more powerfull then his shadow. (Btw, the adventurers don't know that this is Sinistro's true form).

 

Nemphis: Ozymandias: Your gonna LOVE this!

Nemphis is Sinistro's right-hand man, a fallen archangel. Sinistro has imbdued him with power far beyond that of the casual archangel, however. Nemphis is the leader of Sinistro's army of undead. He despises all that are good, particularly Bardis, who shows great friendship towards Gyrfalcon. Nemphis has the classical fallen archangel features in addition to unholy armor and a sword which reaps souls. He has grey hair. One of his eyes has no pupil. He cannot use magic, but can fly and use his magical sword. Expect a really cool battle between this guy and Bardis.

 

Terrorizer: O.K. I know what your thinking: "all of the cast seems serious, so why use Zool's rubber chicken?!" Allow me to explain. If you have been following the chickens antics, you'll notice it can grow drasticaly in size (see the thread "Does everybody drink and then flop down?" for more info). Well, Terrorizer is a gigantic black dragon! He is not incredibly intelligent, but is practicaly invulnerable due to his ebon hide. He also has a devastatingly powerfull breath attack. When Sinistro needs to destroy a city or two, this is the guy he calls on. Think about it. Rubber chicken grows in size, we put it in a costume, turn that cluck into a roar and we're all set! Special effects will take care of the rest...

 

Thats it for the characters. If you have any questions or suggestions, write them in the OOC thread. I'll see what I can do.

 

If you took the time to read this, thank you!

[Wyvern]

P51mus

 

The others in the room look on as P51mus' appearance slowly changes

 

His skin has now turned pallid and he is wearing the classic dark villian's cloak. Anyone who had seen Sinistro would notice almost no difference between P51mus and Sinistro if they stood next to each other

 

Heh heh heh....

[Wyvern]

Lumpenproletariat

 

lumpenproletariat is walking down the sidewalks of Terra when he notices brute sitting under a large neon sign for "Gryfalcon: The Movie". Remembering the trick played on him at the best archmages awards, he sees an ample opportunity for some light revenge. A few steps closer reveals brutes' red eyes, and stubble beard, results of living off jerky and booze for 5 days. "what are you waiting for?" he inquires.

"Five whole days, just for tickets, this movie had better be worth it" is the response he gets, aimed some 3 feet to his left.

lumpenproletariat sits against the side of the building, and decides to be second in line *slouches against the side of the building, going for the more hobo approach*

"say brute, that jerky looks rather nice......