Canid Posted April 26, 2002 Report Share Posted April 26, 2002 (edited) It's getting close to end game now,We came but an hour past.We think we're doing very well,Yet struggling to last.It's backwards evolution,In a world of thick pollution,In a world of medication,For our weakness.And we think we're at the top.Think that speech removes the point to stop,That all the world's a playground,And respect need not be found.I am watching where we're going,I could tell you what is happening,But people blind themselves,To what's not nice to see. Edited June 30, 2014 by Canid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted April 26, 2002 Report Share Posted April 26, 2002 I really like the sound, the rhymes and the rhythm combine to help make me feel the urgency this poem communicates to me. Nice ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted April 26, 2002 Report Share Posted April 26, 2002 *Gyr applauds* Well written, and it easily conveys its sense of urgency. Nice work, Canid. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted April 26, 2002 Report Share Posted April 26, 2002 Good poem Canid. Simplistic in it's rhyme and structure, it directly conveys it's theme and message, which I believe is that we as people must start taking notice of the harm we are dealing to the Earth and environment. This theme is particularly seen in the lines "It's backwards evolution/ In a world of thick pollution" (ll. 5-6) and when the narrator notes that we should stop thinking "That all the world's a playground" (l. 11). I particularly like the rythm of the first stanza, which immediatly gets the reader involved in the flow of the poem. One thing which you might want to think of improving: the first time I read the second to last line of the poem I wasn't quite certain how to interpret it. Perhaps a line such as "But people tend to hide themselves" or "But people exclude themselves" might work better? Just my thoughts... [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 4/26/02 1:06:09 pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyyark Posted April 26, 2002 Report Share Posted April 26, 2002 Odd, this poem was able to illustrait a large difference between Wyvern and myself. He took your poem to refer to the state of the environment, where as I took it to refer to the state of the human spirit. It's getting close to end game now, We came but an hour past. started me of on this idea, as most spiritual beliefs have some sort of ending or another. I am a christian, and thus tailored your poem to fit my personal choice of reality. I really found this poem echoing many of my thoughts of late, and how humanity has weakened its morality in response to the growing culture of technology. I took the pollution to be refering to the pollution of the minds, and decency of Mankind in general. This went well in my mind with your last line. I say Great Poem, two very important messages, both urgent, were drawn from the same set of words. Both of these messages were conveyed well. Good Job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted April 27, 2002 Report Share Posted April 27, 2002 It's only natural that different people percieve the same poems as having different themes... Part of the beauty of poetry is that it's completely open to individual interpretation. Very insightfull comments Nyyark, it certainly gives a different perspective to the poem. [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 4/26/02 9:07:15 pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canid Posted April 27, 2002 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2002 I'm glad you enjoyed the poem... and I find it interesting that it was interpreted in two very different ways. If you are curious, it was meant to be in reference to the environment, chances are that if there is any sort of reference to the natural world in my work, that it is meant litterally. I did not realize the blinding bit would be confusing... I thought it was a fairly common expression, being blind to the truth, blinded by the media and so forth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon2001 Posted April 27, 2002 Report Share Posted April 27, 2002 *Falcon looks at Wyvern's first post and some of the others* Big....words...brain......over...loading....... o_O ZZT ZZZzzZZTZTZZZ!!! *THUD* (Anyway, really good poem, Canid.) Cioden Darkeye Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword President of the Peredhil Fan Club Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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