Falcon2001 Posted March 20, 2002 Report Share Posted March 20, 2002 The shoe left untied, The child abandoned The report left unwritten never to see the sun. The girl that you liked that will now never know The things that you knew that you failed to show It's not the things you do, dear It's the things we've left undone That cause all of the suffering with the setting of the sun So always remember to finish what you start Or it will come back with the surety of art To lose a friend is hellish torture for sure But to not try to gain one is evil pure Ack this one was short, it's an adaptation of a poem I read a long time ago, but I'm not claiming to be the first person to write this, so It's not really plagiarism...oh well, night all, it's midnight here, and I'm tired. If someone wants to add more to this or change it, go ahead, I didn't do a very good job. Cioden Darkeye Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword President of the Peredhil Fan Club Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted March 20, 2002 Report Share Posted March 20, 2002 Nice poem. Um if you didn't write it first? then where you hear it from??? Anyway, I'm a kind of a slave to assonance, rhythm and rhyme, so this looks fun. Here's my variant on it. The shoe string untied, the child left alone The report left unwritten... -unwritten, alone. The girl that you cared for, that will never see. The unsavored memories that will never be. And all that you cared for, but now fail to show Will sicken you dearly -regretful, you sow. The moments not taken, that live in you mind, Remember you fiercely, then leave you behind Leave nothing unfinished, that hangs near you heart Or surely it will come back, and tear you part. A friend lost will torture and chafe like a soar. But a friendship recoiled bites crueler for sure revery the dreamlost "i like dots." the dream continues... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Seth Exodus Posted March 20, 2002 Report Share Posted March 20, 2002 Frankly, I think it is good as is. It gets the point across quite nicely. Short and sweet. Well done Falcon. Yours truly, Seth Exodus Initiate of The Pen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Heart Like A Hole Posted March 20, 2002 Report Share Posted March 20, 2002 I think it is fine as it stands, personally. It carries its message swiftly and without "beating around the bush" so to speak. Excellent work, my friend. ~Porcelain "Heart Like a Hole" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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