Guest Hydrus Posted July 5, 2002 Report Share Posted July 5, 2002 Boredom does strange things to the mind. Take this story for example, written by my good self and two friends, and their good selves during a rather nasty high school lesson. The story, known only as "Pleh" makes no sense. Or does it make so much sense that we cannot comprehend it? We may never know. You might notice some rather strange quotes and charcters from movies, songs and other media. It's not stolen, it's well researched. WARNING: Management does not take any responsibility for any loss of braincells occurring during the reading of this story. Enjoy. "PLEH" PT. 1 One day, Fergus went out into the desert to look for an exploding camel. On the way, he ate a cactus from the ground. So the answering machine said, "We are not shibby at the moment, so please leave a shibby after the shibby . . . SHIBBY!" Fergus ripped the yeti's black heart out of its chest and showed him how black it was before he died; and said "Know this yeti . . . I am your father." The yeti mutated into a roof tile and sank beneath the sand. On the way home, the mellow council worker met with the sea cucumbers and they had sushi in a fruitmarket in the Carribean. The sea cucumber had to rush to the nearest VCR because it was pregnant with the mellow council worker's baby. Because the sky was blue, it made them cry. The baby sea cucumber came out with a rubix cube attached to its neck. It was called a "rubix cucumber." The concrete trees were celebrating for two reasons. One, the rubix cucumber was to be the king of all concrete trees. Two, they realised that toilet seats can read minds. The concrete trees marched through the 16th century ghettos in order to meet some witty, electromagnetic koalas. The electromagnetic koalas declared war on the concrete trees, but no asparagus could be used. The asparagus' chronic drug dealing tendency was linked to dysfunctions of the bowel system, making the rubix cucumber irritable and irrational. As the war began, Sebastian the Crab told the rubix cucumber: in order to kill the electromagnetic koalas you must use . . . postits. The postits must be yellow, green and completely transparent, in order to let the Lizard Queen swim in the lake of previously unused green jello balls. The Lizard Queen cooked the postits in baby oil, which made the fluorescent lights turn into the ultimate powerpoint. Soon after, the mainstream pipe organ was doused in mud, tar, bleach, feathers, and electronic water vapour in order to give the Lizard Queen a facelift. After the facelift the Lizard Queen had a striking resemblance to Big Kev. She used her goo remover on the electromagnetic koalas and they grew feathers in their nails. The koalas nail's transformed into ice-skating mongoose brides and danced the bolero. Three of the mongoose brides were called Keith. Keith Number One slapped the other two with a rather irate Barramundi. Keith Number Three was beaten to death with an inflatable hammer. The giant rastafarian nazi headlouse played Metallica through a loudspeaker and liquified the mongoose-brides. The war . . . was finally over; justice, freedom, prostitutes, the concrete trees, rubix cucumber, Big Kev and the jello balls all became one. Unfortunately, the giant conglomerate blob which they had formed was extremely fat, and immediately suffered a heart failure eight times. Muscular Beaver came to the rescue with Duffman to capture the evil *illegible* that cats *illegible* with soy sauce. Fergus tried to run away, but was quickly overcome by the minty fresh flavour coming from Big Kev's carcass. Instantly, Muscular Beaver stuffed the unconscious Fergus into a cornflakes packet and covered him with meaty, chunky, Chum. But it did not matter, for Fergus had a skateboard for a thumb and a small, large, round, square, pet rock. Muscular Beaver challenged the rock to a duel, but was forced to stab himself with a tub of caviar when Ritchie Benaud appeared. The rock was victorious: "Rock wins . . . Muahahahahaha . . ." then he screamed, "GENITAL FRECKLE" in his victorious win. Suddenly, a horde of Islamic Jockey Priests rode into the dining room screaming, "Give us ham! We want ham!" A squadron of Ray Martin hair impersonators jumped out from inside the pencilcase in the table, and gave the horde of Islamic Jockey Priests the Evil Eye whilst singing Enya and playing thirteen-stringed mandolins. Instantly, Enya somersaulted into the room and sued the Ray Martin impressionists for breach of copyright. Her lawyer, who just HAPPENED to be Fergus, lost the case and was told to dack himself in front of the population of Romania and sing the Broccoli theme song. Make any sense? Confused? Wondering what hallucinogenic drugs we may be on? Where you could get some? Why we could be bothered writing drivel like this? Why you're still here? Tune in later for the second instalment of PLEH!!! *Edited for the sake of coherency* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted July 5, 2002 Report Share Posted July 5, 2002 So... Where's the coherancy?? ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Master of Magic and Mayhem, The Moonlit Realm Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted July 6, 2002 Report Share Posted July 6, 2002 Zool? That was the coherency. Which makes you shudder when you consider what it would look like otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hydrus Posted July 6, 2002 Report Share Posted July 6, 2002 Dude, you should have seen it before it was typed up and edited. Pictures and everything. I'm pretty sure one kid broke down in tears after he read it. If there's one thing you can get out of this with the slightest semblance of usefulness, it's to know that you aren't the worst writer in the world. I think you can be safe in that knowledge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted July 6, 2002 Report Share Posted July 6, 2002 Actually, it's so rich in stream of consciousness, if read with a discerning eye it could be quite inspirational. I enjoy reading things like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Xradion Posted July 6, 2002 Report Share Posted July 6, 2002 This is hillarious! Great way to spend time when you're bored. Thanks for the laughs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest OneTooManyBlunts Posted July 7, 2002 Report Share Posted July 7, 2002 Trippy!!!!! It all makes sense with the magical dragon I puff, dude! Whoa!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lumpenproletariat Posted July 10, 2002 Report Share Posted July 10, 2002 "trust australians to..." comes to mind when reading this Hydrus *quietly looks forward to part two* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fire Walker Posted July 11, 2002 Report Share Posted July 11, 2002 What do you mean it doesn't make sence? Leave a shibby after the shibby... Shibby! I'm asuming Dude! Where's my car. That is the only quote I recognized. -- Fire Walker -- One of the few... The proud... The pyromaniacs... "What luck for rulers that men do not think." ~Adolf Hitler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hydrus Posted July 16, 2002 Report Share Posted July 16, 2002 You didn't recognise: "Know this yeti, I am your father"?! Alot of the other stuff would be hard to recognise if you were from overseas, i.e. Big Kev. Hey Lump, do you guys have Big Kev over there? And now, as (foolishly) requested: PLEH PART TWO: RETURN OF THE YETI Fergus' extreme embarrassment led to the spontaneous combustion of his liver, kidneys and shoelaces. He grimaced with pain and his hair and spine fell out through his nostrils. Only then did the shoelace realise that Fergus was involved in the Kennedy assassination using the bacteria watering can. The watering can's mission was to rid the world of chicken vindaloo through the act of pressing grapes into various humorous shapes and sprinkling them over manuscripts written by discriminative fascist bigots in the Baroque period. But he needed help. So he got the fuzzy wuzzy angels to use their chopsticks to collect the DNA from Fergus's spine to make an army of Ferguses. The large collection of Fergus clones proceeded to perform to elderly anthrax patients in a Welsh environmental conference, using red, plebionic baritone saxomophones in the shape of cubic garbage disposers. So the flying carpet and the magical frabbit (frog joined with a rabbit) had vodka shots until they fell down the neverending cave to find the aeroplane wheel. Ponty Mython and his men of mirth successfully sued the makers of The Neverending Story and the Neverending Gobstopper with the help of a rastafarian-nazi-lawyer-sharkfaced hedgehog. Although intelligent, the hedgehog was really one of the Fergus clones, and betrayed Ponty Mython, causing the yeti to pick his nose in anger. As the yeti had only three fingers, he wore a sock puppet named Lou, who was blue with button eyes. The 4 tonne radioactive fish were very depressed with Ponty Mython and their great treasure, a Holy Pail stolen from a child. The head fish bit George Clease in the earlobe in disgust of their lawsuit and got a job as a plumber. Bob the Builder was arrested for the unsolicited rape of Ernie from Sesame Street and was put in a plastic bubble full of prime numbers. Ernie was thrown out of counselling because even the psychiatrist, who was an eighty-seven-year-old tree, thought his issues were too weird. He was sentenced to clean blackboards at $600 per hour until he was 401 years old. Anthony Mundine was flying along the road when he met up with Fergus. He boxed Fergus' ears when he found out Fergus made up rumours that Anthony was really a dog in disguise, and Powderfinger meant that he really was a dog. Anthony hired a sock puppet to be his lawyer and sued Fergus but lost, and had to pay Fergus $2 for wasting his time. A hermaphroditic walking bird made sweet, sweet love to a dwarf called Horny. As a result, they had a son named Jergen. The indian spoon cleaner shook feet with Jergen in a hereditary, tricloptic ghostdance ritual, resulting in the amputation of their future traumas known as pre-emptive Armageddon.This shocking behaviour caused John Howard to call an immediate referendum which, although smelly, was rigged by Fergus and the yeti, who had recently formed a band called Factory Spades. The band toured around Elbonia, gathering thick facial hair from pre-natal juvenile delinquents. This made the yeti's body itchy, causing him to lose two more fingers and his forehead. Fergus was immune to itching powder/hair, but didn't know where to find a porcelain keyring made entirely out of satin. The yeti, now resembling a Picasso that had been through the wash, entered himself into the Battle of the Bands. He was subsequently thrown into a Burmese jail for breaking the Stubbies law. In the corner of his prison cell was a pair of jeans and a cardigan made entirely out of cannabis, that had been left there since Kurdt Cobain toured Burma in 1993. The yeti and his friend Salvatori, an Italian pottery merchant, turned the cardigan and jeans into a giant bonfire, inviting all of their equestrian entourage to get high from the fumes. Fergus tried to get high too, but he accidentally inhaled a Neutron Lemon, and his head exploded. Luckily, the yeti was highly trained in the art of Tai Kwon Andy, and was able to heal Fergus using a thumbtack, three large bumper stickers and lots of bandaids. A hyper-intelligent hemp-smoking Jesus-haired mouse who wore a psychedelic bulletproof vest, punched the yeti then kicked him in the crotch and was promptly eaten by Godzilla. Godzilla then went to the local cafe, where his chocolate moose bit him on the nose. Although the space-station was situated in a 19th century Jesuit pilgrimage in Canada, the eskimo was a poor actor and proceeded to busk inside Camelot with a banjo. Out of pure ironic coincidence, the two scientists set their time machines to exactly the same point in time and space, causing them to crash and burn in an unspectacular blaze of sub-glory. One scientist survived to discover that the real reason behind World War II was that Hitler drank coffee and Churchill drank tea. Hitler called Churchill a pansy, so Churchill slapped Hitler in the face with a wet tea-towel. Hitler got pissed off and ran over Churchill's pet cat "Fluffy". Churchill kicked Hitler in the groin so Hitler invaded Poland. Upon hearing this, the yeti's groin, torso, hand and ears fell off, leaving him nothing but three ribs and a slightly used kneecap. He quickly sold the ribs and used the money to finance an epic blockbuster; "The Last Action Yeti". "The Last Action Yeti" was a box-office flop, so what was left of the yeti became depressed and would only smoke the finest Indian-Hemp. The remaining kneecap was incredibly depressed, so he smashed himself under a sledgehammer and threw himself under a car. The friction between itself and he wheels led to his bone marrow vapourising and turning into air. Fergus inhaled the yeti and caught the communicable, modifiable risk factor, lifestyle disease known as bigpox. Bigpox was manufactured by the "Bigger Than Small" company who sued Fergus for his liver. Fergus went to the video shop and was eaten by a cream pudding. The cream pudding fell into a pen-groove and coughed up a partially digested Fergus. Fergus' upper lip was covered in frozen mucas and soiled exam paper, causing him to make sweet, sweet love to a Cherokee Indian princess. However, the Indian was only as smart as a PE teacher, and thus ordered an army of smashed bicycle helmets to attack Fergus, who fled to Broome... 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Wyvern Posted July 23, 2002 Report Share Posted July 23, 2002 This is definitely a hilarious story so far, and makes most supposed "random" tales look rather normal and sane. I've been constantly caught off guard by the way it's forming so far, and will certainly be on the lookout for a part 3! [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 7/22/02 10:08:29 pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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