My Words

[jonadine]

Let me use your words?

 

Mine are hollow bones.

 

Yours are laughing, jumping sprites,

 

While mine just drop like stones.

 

 

 

My words are fretful, narrow things

 

but yours are wide and free,

 

mine starve in corners, where they lurk

 

And yours are filled with glee.

 

 

 

I need to use your words,

 

'cause mine don't work so well

 

Yours are humming, living things

 

while mine just sort of smell.

 

 

 

I could use your words

 

To say just what I mean,

 

My words are used, wrung out old rags

 

You couldn't use to clean.

 

 

 

I cant use my words,

 

for they have all run out.

 

They are withered, sere and lonely

 

And they just sit and pout.

 

 

 

Let me use your words?

 

Your words are strong and light.

 

My words are crooked, useless twigs,

 

and I really need to write.

Edited January 1, 2013 by Jomeansme

[Mardrax]

I find this hard to place words to. Mind if I use yours? Oh, well if yours aren't any good either, let me try.

 

 

Te feeling I get here s something we as writers must have all felt at some point, and by extension everyone creating anything, so pretty much everyone.It's recognisable, but almost in a way to be chewed out already, though the form you give it is refreshing. Your use of the rhyme scheme flows naturally for me, and doesn't seem forced at all. Nice feat there. Rythm, however, is something you could definitely use some work on, and meter by extension. Some lines and combinations thereof flow exceptionally well, other s are very jarring to me. Did you intend those to jar? The "darkly lurking" stands out in particular there. I think "where they lurk / while" would work much better there.

 

Content-wise, I love the self-referencing of the second to last stanza. Futher, I guess the old adage is true. Admitting you've a problem is the first step to gettig out of it, and I guess you've taken the second here already. Nice and empowering.

 

All in all, well done Jomeansme. I look forward to seeing more of your work.

Edited March 31, 2011 by Mardrax

[jonadine]

I think this one is done.