Welcome to Hell

[Hjolnai]

Welcome to Hell.

Not what you were expecting, is it?

You, a good Christian, in this place of blood and fire. Not that there's any of that. No, nothing so interesting happens here, just toil.

You will work ceaselessly for an eternity, never resting, never eating, never drinking. And for what?

Above in Heaven, the feasting, the enjoyment, everything, is reserved for those who cared not.

 

Here are the things you need to know before you start. Firstly, I am the Devil, Satan, Lucifer... and yet none of those labels fit me. I do not wish for suffering, and if I could release everyone here into Oblivion I would. God must have his produce, though, or the murderers' heaven will collapse; there is balance in the Dead realms as much as in life. You see that person over there? I'll call him Tim for now, because I can only remember one name; God placed restrictions on me. Now, Bill lived a good life. He stood up for any suffering religious persecution, no matter who they called a god. Now, James works here as he has for fifty years; I only recently managed to introduce atheism to Earth. That brings me to another point. The order of the afterlife is against my liking. While you, and almost infinite others, labour here, I plot to overthrow God and free you. Not to put the evil in this place, just to make them see Oblivion, so that those here might have the freedom they deserve in death. Oblivion is not such a bad fate, after all; even God longs for it, though It will not let itself realize.

 

So, remember while you labour here. For every task you do above what is required, we gain resources for the war effort. Your excess toil will eventually lead to your freedom, and that of all else here. Will you choose the God who lied to you, the God who forces the good to serve the evil, or will you work for the freedom of all those here, and the righteous among the living, even as it serves the Devil?

 

 

 

To be continued, or possibly heavily edited.

[Wyvern]

Wyvern moseys into the brimstone-heated Assembly Room pushing a large red cart labeled "Almost Dragonic Brand Hellfire Grilled Impdogs™," scales all decked out in a sports jersey representing the Terra Trove Devils (and their cheerleading squad, the Succubi 69). He tilts his snout to the sky and shouts for hungry customers until the heat of the product reaches the cart's handlebars, causing him to let go with a shove and a yelp in pain. Wyvern blows on his claws several times over in the hopes of cooling them down, paying no attention to the cart as it continues rolling across the room and down the hall, headed in the direction of the Banquet Hall's vegetarian buffet. Once the reptilian Elder has properly cooled off his mitts, he tilts his head at the Devil's question and hisses:

 

"Which option offerssss more geld?"

 

;-)

 

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Nice concept for a story here, Hjolnai. :-) I like the way the Devil addresses the second person/reader, and think you should expand the section where he's talking about the different people in Hell i.e Tim, Bill and James. It could be quite an interesting and informal tour of the afterlife! Curious to see where you go with this piece, and whether or not you choose to expand it.

[Hjolnai]

Thanks for your useful feedback; not certain whether I'll come back to it, but if I do I think I might try to make it clearer that Tim, Bill and James are the same person; "I'll call him Tim for now, because I can only remember one name;..." was intended to be something of a joke, as he's supposed to be remembering the reader's name, and so is unable to remember even the arbitrary name he chose on the spot. On the other hand, I see what you mean about expanding to look around the "workplace" Hell a bit more. If I decide to return to this piece (unlikely, given my track record...), your feedback should prove useful.