Vlad Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 (edited) raindrop lines falling on my windows thunder without lightning as i sit here safe secluded protected from the world the rain is hitting harder now clouded shapes loom above my thoughts lost inside of my own home finding bleakness every way i look the rain pauses breathes and starts again trees waving i'm wavering don't know what to do a single bird flies across the sky searching for his nest maybe shelter then stillness in all things waiting to challenge nature but afraid is it over? no, it's beautiful. Edited July 8, 2009 by Vlad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mardrax Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 Good stuff. I like how you paint the scene around the rain, as opposed to the other way around. Unusual, but it works wonders. The general inconsistent lack of punctuation hampers reading for me though. Either use it to full effect, or don't use it is what I'd say. That may just be me though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted July 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 Good comment on the punctuation, I got rid of most of it and the flow does feel a little bit better. I'm a little mixed about the contractions and apostrophes in the second stanza, but I don't think those actually matter. Keeping the punctuation in the final line feels like the right choice, bringing a the reader to a full stop. Thank you for your feedback! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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