OxygenPlant Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Sacred are the boundaries, invisible may they lie. No entity to cross these, without the devil inside. Should such an entity cross here, the temple is his to reside. Though feeble may his mind be, A man with little pride. Trinkets and potions may he gather, and riches to his fill. An artful such manipulator. Seeking such a kill. May he find his peace, in the void that makes him lust. Deny him any privelage, your heart, your pride, your turst. Lonely he will wander, where his greed directs his feet. Till the day his fear will face him, a battle he cannot cheat. Fall and he will perish, to the devils he obeyed. No prayer to save him, or break the pact he had made. Had his will been stronger, Had he found his peace, A noble man he could have been, with worth that could not cease. Sadness finds me, to think of this. This man I knew. This man I miss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted July 29, 2009 Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 Nice poem, Ozygenplant. :-) The temple works quite well as a metaphor for sin, and I like the way that you personalize it a bit in the final stanza. I was contemplating which sin the temple is most a metaphor for in this, and lust seemed to stand out in particular for its reference in the fourth stanza, though the imagery of "Trinkets and potions" and "riches to his fill" suggest greed more... not sure if you had a particular sin in mind since the metaphor can cover a bunch of them, but if it's lust you're aiming for I wonder if there's some other metaphorical temple object or imagery to depict it. Also, in considering the metaphor, I'm not sure about the title of the poem, since "Invaded Temple" sets the temple up as if it were innocence being invaded but the temple is a place of sin in the poem itself... still, the title does have a nice ring to it. Anyway, very nice poem overall Oxygenplant. :-) Thanks for sharing it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxygenPlant Posted July 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 Thanks wyvern. I love your perception of it. And I think you're right about it. Originally the temple was a person. Or, a sacred/trusted bond. or just a "no-go" zone. It's about betrayal over anything else really. and the narrators acceptance of the betrayal knowing the outcome of such a way to live. If I had to pick a sin, it would be lust. Lust in itself is a greed. Trinkets and potions, just symbolism for things of worth that the invader did not possess. Like the idea of manipulating someones emotions and then stealing their status. Mmm, hard to explain. It really is a mix of ideas and thoughts. It was based of portions of many people I know and become whole as what you have read. But, was inspired by a sexual betrayal of sorts. Again, I love your thoughts on it. Thank you for commenting! I like the way readers here have such different takes on everything. Everytime I read stuff here I walk away a little more open minded. Such a gift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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