Life Question # 22

[Salinye]

Have you missed these??

 

I want to know what you do to find true personal comfort and I want to know this on 3 levels.

 

1. What are the things that you feel you MUST have in your life to be comfortable on a day to day basis.

 

2. If you are uncomfortable, but not from pain or loss, but more because you're outside your bubble or element, what do you do to overcome this and find comfort? This is a discomfort that would most likely be situational. (awkward, shy, overwhelmed, etc.)

 

3. How do you handle true, deep, devestating pain or loss? Soul Shattering pain. How do you find Solace.

 

Please remember, these questions are designed to make you think and give you an opportunity to share a piece of you with us. We are always mindful not to stomp on other people's belief systems. We don't all believe the same or feel the same way, so it's important to share your thoughts about you and how you feel and find comfort while not belittling other people's methods.

 

NOT that any of you would. I'm just always careful to add disclaimers. :0) I love the things you all share with these questions. :0) Someone needs to update the consolidated projects list to include the last few of these life questions.

 

Ready, Set...Share!

 

~Salinye

Edited June 21, 2008 by Salinye

[Salinye]

Wow...No one took this one on yet. :0) Usually I wait to post my own answers until other people have run with it, but I find myself with some time to spare before dance class.

 

1. What are the things that you feel you MUST have in your life to be comfortable on a day to day basis.

I'm going to be completely honest with this. I used to require MUCH less to feel comfortable than I do now. However, I would like to preface that with comfortable does not mean happy. There are very few things that I must retain in order to have true happiness on a day to day basis. However, to me, comfortable would mean not having fear or worry.

 

Since I am the mother of 5 children, in order to not have fear or worry, I require things I would not have required previously. I need to have a good house in a safe neighborhood, I need my husband to have a secure job with a steady paycheck. I need a car that will function without fear of it breaking down. I need to have enough financial stability to pay the bills and provide for the necessities.

 

...and that's just the materialistic list.

 

I need my husband to love me. I need the Gospel as part of our every day lives. I need my children to feel loved and happy. I need my friends. Truthfully, with my new business, I need my project manager and administrative assistant or I'd be a stress case.

 

I need to feel safe, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

 

Long list, eh? When did I become so high maintenance??

 

 

2. If you are uncomfortable, but not from pain or loss, but more because you're outside your bubble or element, what do you do to overcome this and find comfort? This is a discomfort that would most likely be situational. (awkward, shy, overwhelmed, etc.)

 

This one took some thought for me. I think one of the hardest situations for me to handle is when someone brings negative or mean public attention to me. For instance, if someone is trying to make me look stupid or saying rude things in front of other people, or embarrassing me in a way that is mean instead of funny. This is very difficult for me.

 

I actually had this happen to me recently and I actually didn't find comfort. I didn't want to cause a scene by walking away and I didn't want them to know they had gotten to me, so I just silently endured it and then let it eat myself up in anger the rest of the night. that's really not a good way to handle things. Thinking back, I think I would have rather said something brilliant and clever and then walked away with my head held high.

 

One thing I know for sure is that holding onto anger and letting it ruin your night is a BAD coping measure. The person who was mean didn't think a second about it after the incident and yet I let it ruin my night. So I suppose learning to let go of things I can't control would be good for me.

3. How do you handle true, deep, devestating pain or loss? Soul Shattering pain. How do you find Solace.

 

Truthfully, this was the easiest one for me to answer.

 

There really are only 2 things that really work for me when I have that level of pain.

 

God and my husband. No one else can reach the spots within me that can be hurt like that.

 

Okay, there you go. All my vulnerabilities laid out for you!!! I know you all are great at answering these questions, so I thought I'd dive in first for once instead of making you take the hot seat first!

 

~Sal

[troubled sleep]

I *have* missed these, actually. I don't know if I've ever actually replied before, but they always get me thinking.

 

1. What are the things that you feel you MUST have in your life to be comfortable on a day to day basis.

 

This is going to sound really terrible, but my cell phone. A lot of my close friends live in different parts of the country, so my phone is often my best connection to them. Even though they're not physically there with me, I know that all I have to do is dig around for my cheap red Samsung, punch some buttons, and I'll be able to hear their voice--even if it's just asking me to leave a message.

 

I also like to have a car with at least some gas in it and a debit card linked to a bank account with at least some money in it.

 

I have to have something on my left wrist. I have a purple rubber bracelet (think live strong) that I wear nearly every day. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's the bracelet someone had made for all of us after my friend Ashleigh died a few years ago--it has her name and the year she died on it. It sounds cheesy, but I wear it for a lot of reasons, to remember her and to remind myself just how precious life is. But even though it's rubber, it's kind of heavy and I'm used to the weight of it on my arm. If I forget to put it on, I feel weird all day, like I'm missing something.

 

 

2. If you are uncomfortable, but not from pain or loss, but more because you're outside your bubble or element, what do you do to overcome this and find comfort? This is a discomfort that would most likely be situational. (awkward, shy, overwhelmed, etc.)

 

I'm kind of an example of a bad coping device, too. When I'm uncomfortable, I just pretend really really hard that I'm ok. It's weird, like slipping into a different personality. I try and distract people from my uneasiness by exaggerating myself--being louder, sillier, bouncier, more talkative even than usual. I throw up this huge persona of this silly, flippant persons so that people can't see the actual me standing behind it all who is angry, or uncomfortable, or not sure what to say.

 

3. How do you handle true, deep, devastating pain or loss? Soul Shattering pain. How do you find Solace?

 

I flip open my phone and I call a friend.

 

Well, not just *a* friend, but one of my 5 favorite people in the world. I depend on my friends for a lot--I learned a while ago that I can't really depend on my family. They fall to pieces more than I do. To them, I have to be the strong, together one who is clear headed no matter what. And so I have my other-family, those five people. I can't imagine life without them. They are all very different people, but no matter what I need--be it a plan to leave the country and start a new life in Canada, an objective opinion and a plan for getting over it, or the best hug in the world--at least one of them can help me.

 

If at all possible, I'll also go and visit one of those friends. Most of them live very far away from me, so this involves a long, spur-of-the-moment car trip. But then, the car trips help me feel better, too. Before I had a car, I had a golf cart...I remember the day my mom told me that my dad was moving out I just walked away, grabbed my phone and hopped in the golf cart. I can't run away from myself while I'm in the car, I *have* to deal with whatever's going on. And also, driving across middle-of-nowhere, So'Georgia or south Florida, the sky seems to go on forever and the clouds are just *beautiful*. I'm of the opinion that God made the sky so that everyone who has had a bad, terrible day can be able to look up and see something beautiful. And surely, with something that amazing hanging over you, with such beauty in the world, things can't be all that bad, right?

[Regel]

1. What are the things that you feel you MUST have in your life to be comfortable on a day to day basis.

 

Enough money to cover my bills.

Some signs of affection from the people I hold close.

Respect for myself and for others.

A relationship with all living things seen and unseen.

A chance to grow and develop.

A few minutes for myself.

 

2. If you are uncomfortable, but not from pain or loss, but more because you're outside your bubble or element, what do you do to overcome this and find comfort? This is a discomfort that would most likely be situational. (awkward, shy, overwhelmed, etc.)

In my business life I research and try to learn as much as I can to fully understand the products, systems or people I will need to interact with.

I would be uncomfortable in situations where there are no clear directions and outcomes are largely outside my abilities to control.

 

 

3. How do you handle true, deep, devastating pain or loss? Soul Shattering pain. How do you find Solace?

 

While you found this one easy Salinye I find this last one extremely difficult.

Everyone is different but getting back into a routine and finding something to do helps me. I have a belief structure that gives me some comfort but in truth there is no greater healer than time.

With time comes many things. Perspective is one and fatigue is another. You can only carry soul shattering pain around for shorter and shorter periods of time. Solace is not anything more than acceptance.

 

From an old Joni Mitchell song "Both Sides Now" this verse:

 

But now old friends are acting strange.

They shake their heads; they say I've changed.

Well something's lost but something's gained,

In living every day.

The meaning of this eluded me for so long as a young man, but every experience gained comes at a price.

 

Experience gained, innocence lost is a fair trade off except over a period of time you carry so much experience that almost all your youthful innocence is lost.

Edited June 23, 2008 by Regel