I am sad for you

[Degorram]

Only positive critique on this one guys. It's a rough thing, I know. I purposely didn't make it rhyme, and it's just pieces of a story I have. I wish I could supply the picture that goes with it....

 

 

Looking at a picture,

I see a beaming smile.

Surrounded by your friends.

 

And yet I know they are gone.

And I am sad for you.

 

I have not been told,

What was the reason they left,

Only the bare shade of truth.

 

But I know it was not good.

And I am sad for you.

 

I see all their smiles in the picture,

And all I can remember is bitterness:

the sorrowful present.

 

Once were they so happy?

For I am sad for you.

 

Can the sorrow of loss,

be counteracted by the joy of gain?

Not completely, I think.

 

Then as a friend, all I can do is give.

And, at times, be sad for you.

[Silver WInd]

This is very nicely down, very emotional.

 

I love the lines:

 

Only the bare shade of truth.

I see all their smiles in the picture,

And all I can remember is bitterness:

the sorrowful present.

[reverie]

And whoever said a poem had to rhyme?

 

I like it, diction here and there could use some brushing up, but then again so could everyones.

 

Example:

 

I see all their smiles in the picture,

And all I can remember is bitterness:

the sorrowful present.

 

last two lines of this could be condensed into one, but I'll leave it to you to ponder on the how.

 

 

Otherwise think you're good up into the second to last stanza, which could possibly use another image of some sort to strengthen the philosophic abstraction. I do this all the time: go for the big idea in a detached thought. It's hard to pull off, and I think I've only manage to do so successfully two or three times, so I can relate.

 

all and all good stuff on painful subject.