Nyarlathotep Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 I VERY rarely write poetry, but I was compelled to a few months back, and after Whiskey's encouragement, I decided to post it. Tenkaichi and Cigarettes Alienation substation Skyreaver explosion How's it going Alan? Effortless time By we may often Towards the sunrise seven Treasure your symptoms Laser face Try not to see it anymore Portals to makoshift Classy subversion Overt after-effects Trust fund hippie taser Floundering in excess Over exerting my everything Frankly so far Mother's pain Tolerance of torture Trash your speakers Tesla lies overture Necrotic tissue Places a face Pretend this isnt happening Right/left objectivity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted May 9, 2007 Report Share Posted May 9, 2007 Very interesting poem, Nyarlathotep. :-) This piece is filled to the brim with inside references like "Alan" and "makoshift," as well as the Dragonball(?) reference of "Tenkaichi" in the title and it's interesting placement next to "Cigarettes." I don't think that there's any real means for a reader to draw a specific meaning from any particular passage of this or from the poem as a whole, but that can often be a very good thing in my opinion. I didn't really get a sense of cohesion between the various lines and references of the poem, but I did feel a certain undertone of youthful rebellion in lines like "Trash your speakers." The arrangement of words in this also struck me as very intriguing at times, with "Tesla lies overture," "Trust fund hippie taser" and "Alienation substation" all standing out to me for their sound and unusual arrangement. One thing that bugs me about the piece is that the final stanza feels like all of the other stanzas, and doesn't seem to offer any sense of closure or tie any other aspect of the piece together... I seem to always still be waiting for the poem to end after "Right/left objectivity." Anyway, thanks for sharing this unconventional piece of work with us Nyarlathotep. :-) I really appreciate poetry that doesn't simplify itself to the reader for the sake of conveying a message, and this piece definitely avoids doing that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted May 13, 2007 Report Share Posted May 13, 2007 (edited) Hmm. Interesting. Am guessing it's a conversation--radio speak like--in code i.e. using colloquial expressions that I'm not familiar with or something akin to kennings. That's a big guess though. I'll just play around a little and see if I can figure some of it out. Wonder if the more obscure parts are Final Fantasy references? Tenkaichi and Cigarettes Alienation substation, (Call Signs? Like Military Radio?) Skyreaver explosion. How's it going Alan? (New Voice as in SkyR answering AliSub? or vice versa depending or the call/answer protocol you may be mimicking or even inventing) Effortless time By we may often Towards the sunrise seven (Translation: 5x5 (Army/Air Force Teletype code) i.e. All is well, in addition to a further wish for good luck/fortune? or even a lament if you read "7" as in a losing luck) Treasure your symptoms Laser face Try not to see it anymore (After this point, i loose the conversational thread, unless one voice has decided to go off on a rant/ramble. Of course the conceit that is a conversation is my interpretation, and I may be way off. Portals to makoshift (Final Fantasy Ref?) Classy subversion Overt after-effects Trust-fund-hippie-taser Floundering in excess Over exerting my everything (Touch cliche here man) Frankly so far Mother's pain (Advent Children Ref?) Tolerance of torture Trash your speakers Tesla lies overture (Tesla coil? probably not the band, huh?) Necrotic tissue Places a face Pretend this isn't happening Right/left objectivity Hmm. This isn't a "Word Poem" is it? Haven't encountered many of those, so am not sure I'd recognize one if I saw one. Like basically a poem based on the sound of the words being used and interplay between the sounds used therein regardless of whether or not the actual line/stanza makes any sense. Edited May 13, 2007 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyarlathotep Posted May 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 13, 2007 Something to that effect. What I did was sit there and literally put down what came to mind, then afterwards attempted to play with the syntax and structure of each line. Like I said, "poetry" isnt my thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted May 13, 2007 Report Share Posted May 13, 2007 (edited) I wouldn't be so quick to cut yourself down. Set apart your phrases have creative force (particularly the ones in the first stanza), but are not that well connected (if that's what you're going for // there is something to be said for the oblique). Still just being aware of "syntax" is a step in the right direction. If you want to see a example of a poet that specializes in pushing the syntax envelope to the extreme. Check out Carl Phillips. His more complicated ones read like puzzles in which every individual piece of the poem is loaded with emotional or mental nuance which can change the meaning and direction of the next line/phrase/sentence/fragment. The effect is that each phrase turns on a nuance that is perceived by his use of laser-guided syntax. Edited May 13, 2007 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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