Whisky in Babylon Posted February 10, 2007 Report Share Posted February 10, 2007 Welcome little Baby quickly now keep closed your eyes do not look to a world to vain to turn from the mirror of itself to selfish to glance away and see others at its feet begging and screaming Please don’t cry little Child the pain of a scrape is nothing compared to what you will face laugh while you can waste no happiness that comes hold it close you will need it later Hold your anger little Teen blood coursing and rushing through tightened veins will spill to the floor madness seeps deep into the brain blooming into jagged spite doomed to burst into shards of violence Love not little Adult keep the purest form of masochism away from the humans fragile heart cast cruel affections to a baron waste where it cannot visit you only to leave you shallow and empty -------------------------------------------------------- Welcome little Baby open now your tiny eyes bright and innocent left to gaze without prejudice or reservations the world is yours for the taking now life begins and radiates with brilliance Cry little Child there is no shame in letting crystalline tears weld up and fall like rain down velvet cheeks there is a time to laugh and giggle but for now let the sorrow flow Let your anger go free little Teen a rush of emotions strong and true release it let it flow through your veins madness is the product of letting it fester deep within the soul swirling and turning so set it free of its chains to run as a beast Love little Adult embrace the gentle strength hold it down and pin it to your heart smile with hope grasping tender affections stretching the human heart till it burns treasure this feeling never let it fly away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regel Posted February 10, 2007 Report Share Posted February 10, 2007 Greetings Whiskey, For me this was a very interesting piece. I very much enjoyed the dichotomy of the two positions, like two sides of the same coin, the difference being perspective. “Welcome little Baby quickly now keep closed your eyes do not look to a world to vain to turn from the mirror of itself to selfish to glance away and see others at its feet begging and screaming” The piece is totally without punctuation, no capitals to give the usual visual landmarks. There is nothing to regulate the pace. The reader could end up racing through it without the subtle nuances that would be created with normal pauses that come with periods and comas. “Welcome little Baby. Quickly now, keep your eyes closed. Do not look to a world too vain to turn from the mirror of itself. Too selfish to glance away and see others begging and screaming at its feet.” These comments are simply suggestions that I hope would smooth out the read without stealing away the author's intent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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