Asmadeus Posted October 7, 2006 Report Share Posted October 7, 2006 Well, how weird it seems to be, I give full credits to an old dream of mine, since I think the story I'm recounting comes from one... Unless if it was from a (very) short novel I've totally forgotten. But if it does ring a bell to anyone, even if it's quite far from what they remember, that'd be nice Also, forgive me if what you're going to read has no meaning... It wouldn't surprise me. By the way, any comment is welcome ----- In a close future, a young 16 year-olded lady is having her final exam, which will define her whole life. This exam is not like any you might have seen, it is only a one-hour simulation : the candidate sits on a chair, gets electrodes all over their body, and is sent to a virtual word supposed to recreate a part of ours. The guy is supposed to cope with it and manage to perform a few tasks, as if they were really in such a case, while an examiner is watching their actions. Well, once comfortably seated, that girl begins to distinguish where she is. It is a lovely road, next to a lake, and with some kind of mountain behind the water. On the other side of the road, she can see countless fields of corn. Moreover, it was very cold, and she was thinking that she might be in Sweden when some old man walked toward her. When he came into the reach of her voice, she saluted him in a close-to-perfect Swedish, and asked him where was the closest city. She knew that she was right when he answered in the same tongue, and he pointed out that there were no big town around, but that there were a travelling band of circus entertainers close by. She then walked for a while, and talked to the chief, then manageed to get enroled into the troupe : She'd be taken along as long as she participates in the aerialist part, since they were lacking an artist... And since she'd done a great performance when she had been asked to show what she was able to, as far as circus is concerned. At the end of the first representation, she "wakes up" and sees about ten faces staring at her, along with another ten watching the screen where "her world" showed... When she asks why everyone's watching, she's congratuled by her examiner and a few others for having the best possible mark, and being sorry for having her test during three times its intended duration. Learning that it's been too long, she asks after her father who was supposed to wait outside for her to come back, and since he didn't come in to see why she was late, the whole bunch of people goes out at once and see a man on a bench, staring at a little square item. Once smiling, once frowning, then laughing again : he was reading a book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynx Posted October 7, 2006 Report Share Posted October 7, 2006 Interesting story. It does remind me of one I read once, but only sightly and this one is much more...optimistic about the future. Although rather brief, I do like the layout of this story, and the brevity of it does add a kind of simplicity that makes it easy to read through. If I could offer any advice right now, it would be to expand. Maybe expand on the conversations and include some dialogue, or just go into more depth of her experience. As it is though, it's not too bad and a pleasant read. Thanks for sharing. PS: Apologies if anyting I just wrote sounds weird. I'm on enough painkillers to knock out an elephant at the moment and I don't really know what I'm writing. I might come back and reread once the pain (and ergo painkillers) have left my life... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted October 8, 2006 Report Share Posted October 8, 2006 (edited) Reminds me of old Star Trek: The next Generation episode where we find: Young Wesley Crusher intent on passing his Start Fleet Academy exams. But these are not normal exams...nooo. Mr. Crusher must survive his greatest fear as acted out via Holodeck. He's teamed up with 4/5 other companions with one possible love interest. Ah young love amidst so much institutionalized fear, touching. Edited October 8, 2006 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted October 8, 2006 Report Share Posted October 8, 2006 I think premise for this piece is very cool, as both Mynx and reverie suggested, and I like how the gal's exam ends up being three times longer than expected. The addition of the father reading a book at the end is a nice touch as well, as it seems to harken back to the good ol' days of textbook studying and gives the whole thing a hint of nostalgia. I agree with Mynx that expanding this piece might be a way to improve it, and think that in particular the girl's trials and anxieties could use some expansion. It's mentioned that the exam will define the girl's whole life, but I don't get much of a sense of conflict or tension from her experiences, and strengthening that area a bit might make the piece a bit more exciting to read. The major exam passes by a little too pleasantly at the moment, in my opinion. Anyway, good stuff, definitely promising. :-) Out of curiousity, what happens to the people who fail the exam? I'm curious to know, and adding a bit on that subject might even increase the excitement a bit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asmadeus Posted October 13, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2006 Hum... I didn't even think at making a story out of that, but I'll be working on it and write down some more ideas and develop a bit more, since you liked it (but it's always been my major problem whenever I had to write something, I'm always saying the least that's possible, and even maybe less sometimes...) Anyway, thanks for the good comments (By the way, I've watched quite a bunch of the Star Trek : The Next Generation but I don't recall that one, it might just have been a dream, or not, I'll probably never know) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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