When The Stars Just Get Brighter

[Tasslehoff]

I rest upon this futon,
and stare into space,
watching the stars,
as memories of that night drift on in.

I remember it so vividly,
kiss by kiss,
the look on your face,
that amazing smile,
that I can never forget.

You whisper your desires into my ears,
as I feel your heart beat,
as if we were only two people,
in the world that night.

We're taking this night for ourselves,
with out a care in the world,
the stars just get brighter,
as the moments last longer.

Holding you while thinking,
I could want nothing more,
but to hold you till the sun rises.

How I wish you could be,
here next to me,
under these stars,
as I close my eyes,
and start over again

[WrenWind]

*hugs*

[Wyvern]

Nice poem, Tasslehoff. :-) I really like how you end the poem with the reality of the situation, and the narrator retreating back into his memories as an escape. I also like the way that time seems to slow as the narrator holds his loved one in his memory, as it gives the flashback a certain dreamy magical quality that almost makes it feel like fantasy. In terms of possible improvements, I think that the feelings of love and desire might be made stronger if the reader was given a more detailed sense of the vivid memory, with the look on the loved one's face and the desires she whispers both having the potential for more unique detail. For example, what is "amazing" about her smile?

 

Anyway, nicely done Tasslehof. :-) Thanks for sharing this here.