Azuran Posted April 13, 2006 Report Share Posted April 13, 2006 (edited) Motivation, frozen into crystals, Fragile and cold to the touch, Sublime into hungry air, Displacing breath with vaporous hope. Warmth, supplied with good intention, Only melts it away, helpless, As it disappears between the cracks. Await the lightning strike, Priceless inspiration, When the sinister clouds open up. And once again, you dance in the storm. Edited November 16, 2015 by Azuran Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted April 13, 2006 Report Share Posted April 13, 2006 I like this poem, Azuran. :-) I think the metaphorical resonance of the last stanza is strong, with the lightning of inspiration hailing down in the storm. I also find the use of the word "sinister" in describing the clouds intriguing, as it seems to suggest that there's a certain element of darkness associated to inspiration (or at least one surrounding it). The description of the air as "hungry" also stands out to me, though some of the more extreme adjectives such as "Sublime" and "Priceless" strike me as a bit less important to the poem. Very well done, overall. :-) I like the phrasing in this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azuran Posted April 13, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2006 Thanks for the feedback, wyv A note on the use of sublime--it was intended here as a verb...perhaps it wasn't as clear as I'd wanted :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanuchan Posted April 14, 2006 Report Share Posted April 14, 2006 (edited) I really like this... though I'm actually unable to say exactly why. The two first stanzas give me a very clear image, and it's easy to see how they relate to motivation and how it sometimes go. The last stanza surprised me, and still surprises, when I read it. It breaks the idea set by the previous ones, but I feel it fits somehow. It is like a pause, a change in focus - from motivation to inspiration. I told you before, and say again, that it confuses me somewhat though I like it. I've read this some times, and I'm always smiling by the last verse. About the use of sublime - I caught the meaning you intended, but it might be because we were talking just a few minutes before this and you used that word. Given the setting/words you used here, I might have caught it without that cue... but then, I'm used to chemistry terms... Very nice poem, Az - thank you for sharing Edited April 14, 2006 by Tanuchan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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