Lone Shadow Posted April 9, 2006 Report Share Posted April 9, 2006 I don't post as frequently as I would like. Often due to work, but more often due to lack of inspiration. This is just a rough scribble of thoughts, so please don't take it as a completed work. I will be trying to come out of the darkness a bit more, and to become a more common presence around the Pen. Magnesium flare Nothing can extinguish Burning hot and pure An intensity like no other. Submerged, Drawing breath from the water Bringing daylight to darkness As it descends. Shadows dance Entwined together Falling back Retreating from the blaze. Is it just that, a flare? Or will it linger on Becoming more? Only time will know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted April 9, 2006 Report Share Posted April 9, 2006 I really like the image of this poem, Lone Shadow. :-) The depiction of the flare creeping below the water definitely held my attention, particularly with the dancing shadows that move away as it descends. Having said this, I'm uncertain if I understood the implications of the final stanza, as it struck me as a bit vague. You might consider expanding the stanza or simply changing "more" to something more concrete to fufill this poem's potential. Nice wording and imagery, once again. :-) Thanks for sharing this, it's nice to see you posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lone Shadow Posted April 9, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2006 Thanks for the quick reply Wyvern, and for your appreciation. I've revised the last 2 lines on your suggestion, but I'm not sure these fit any better than the original - Is it just that, a flare? Or will it linger on, Brilliance etched Into Time itself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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