Salvation

[Snypiuer]

Can I be saved,

When I have no Faith?

Shall I be punished,

For every sin?

 

Might I be forgiven

Those of neccessity.

Suffer,

Only for those of whim?

 

Or, shall My one true sin,

be the sin of Pride?

If I chose to stand for Judgement,

Head unbowed.

 

Shall I be sentenced

To eternal Torment?

If I face Him.

Proud and Uncowed?

 

How can it be?

If I am Created in His Image?

How can "Coming unto Him, as He is unto Me?"

Be a sin?

 

Do We not expect Our children

To Grow and Prosper?

Become more then even We Dream to be?

Why believe less of Him?

 

So, if my lack of Faith

Is wrong.

And I face His Judgment

For My sin.

 

It shall be Eye to Eye.

Straight and Proud.

My sins My own.

Defiant to the end.

 

If I am right

And this is All.

My choices.

Still are mine.

 

With no Judgment

In the End.

I Pay for My sins now.

'Till the end of time.

[Wyvern]

Nice poem, Snypieur. :-) I find the beliefs that this poem expresses very interesting and original, as the acknowledgement of a Higher Being and refusal to obey him is definitely intriguing. The message of paying for your sins in life rather than death also struck me as very interesting, as did the stanza concerning the growth of children under His presence. Overall, I found the ideas and concepts behind this piece excellent, and the curt four-line stanza structure seemed to suit it well.

 

One thing that I was uncertain about in this (and there may be something that I'm overlooking) was the use of capitalization. I understood the capitalization of Him, as well as that of the larger concepts such as Judgement and Faith, but am not sure if I followed why it was used for some of the other terms. "We Dream" in the sixth stanza and "Straight and Proud" in the eighth stanza are two examples of moments where I didn't quite follow why the terms were capitalized... I'm sure there's probably an underlying reason for it (perhaps to demonstrate that People should not be considered lower than Him?), but you may want to emphasize this more or make it more apparent somehow. On another minor note, I didn't think that the internal rhyme of "Proud and Uncowed" in the fourth stanza fit the tone of the rest of the piece, as the sound of it somehow struck me as humurous.

 

 

Good stuff, once again. :-) It's nice to see you posting, Snypieur!

[Regel]

Bob Dylan has said it best in an album he titled "Slow Train Coming."

 

 

 

 

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed

You’re gonna have to serve somebody,

Well, it may be the devil or it may be the lord

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.

He's right, you know. Every one in this world bends their knee to a god. Even the atheist or the agnostic serves a god of some kind either intentionally or by default.

 

 

http://www.lyricswatch.com/b/bob-dylan/Slo...e_Somebody.html

[Quincunx]

English capitalization, even in the cap-happy 1700s, was confined to important and/or abstract nouns. Snypiuer has got them slung over almost every part of speech, which has dragged them from emphatic, down past arrogant, and into mockery. Maybe mockery was intended.

[Snypiuer]

This is why I post. The feedback is more insightful then I deserve. Most would not pick up on the arrogance, let alone the mockery. From both points of view, those who believe, have an arrogant view that Man is so special, that a Higher Being must have created him. I believe they would view the poems view point as ignorant and sinful - for it embraces the one unforgivable sin, "The sin against the Holy Spirit. To acknowledge God and then to turn your back on him." Those who do not believe, have an arrogant view that Man is so special, he can be God. I believe they would see it as an affirmation of their own beliefs. Can anyone imagine how arrogant and dramatic an individual would have to be to recite what I wrote? The self importance and drama would make William Shatner cringe.

In the end, it's simple. I believe that there is no God - but the basic truths that a belief in a kind and loving God entails are beneficial to mankind. I do good because it is right. No reward awaits me. My sins are my own, I suffer their outcome without malice from a higher being.

This is arrogance beyond mockery. The fact that there are those who see this humbles me.

By the way, "Proud and Uncowed" there is no higher arrogance (which, to me, is humorous) then sophmoric belief that one can imagine, believe or even speak anything of supreme importance, that is truly original. It's all been imagined, believed and spoken an infinite amount of times before. What better way to express this then in the voice of a young idealistic individual who thinks they're oh so clever? (ever read the FIRST self important writings of just about ANY individual?)

Thanks for reading and your insights. I appreciate the effort spent by any one who takes the time to read my pathetic attempts at poetry and their insightful and helpful responses always amaze me.

Thank you again and when I have the time, I will inflict myself upon the kind denizens of the Pen without warning.