Queue

[Aardvark]

Plastic basket dangling from my arm, I made my way to the checkout. One more periodical ritual in my life, the supermarket. From hunting to bartering to wandering lost in a maze of consumer goods, dodging browsers and deathtrap carts, picking up the essentials. Enough to make it to next payday. Mankind surely has evolved.

 

Butter, bread, meat, meat, cheese, cheese, tea and, just for the hell of it, a punnet of blueberries. Man, I love those things. Sweet, squishyblue goodness, Not too much, as I've already got most of my meals sorted out. Just enough to make the occasional toasted sandwich and wash it down. Enough to get me by.

 

Checkout lines are always a problem, but today I'm lucky. There are more than two girls on checkout duty. The lines are relatively short. So I make my selection. First one... hideous. Yes, I'm shallow, but I need this experience to be as enjoyable as possible. Second one... arguing with a customer. Maybe another time. That leaves me with small, giggling blonde girl. I take my place in the queue, letting my mind wander.

 

Already I can taste the first sip of Earl Gray and the vegan-enraging taste of my doublemeat, doublecheese sandwich. Anticipation. The best way of making a queue trip go longer. Need a new train of thought. The line moves up one.

 

Suddenly, I'm thinking I shouldn't stop at two meats. Why not three? I've got pig and cow, I should get another animal for my sandwich. Can I call myself a man, settling for merely two animals? Cheeses, too. I should get a third type of cheese. I quickly banish the thought, as I know my funds are limited. Again, the line moves up.

 

I start scanning through the magazine stand. Your standard supermarket fare, celebrity scandals, alien abductions, an up-to-the-minute report of the plot of some mindless tv show. For the fourteenth time today, I begin to wonder about my fellow man and how he ever descended from the trees if this garbage sells. One more person leaves the queue. I'm next.

 

Now that my view is unhindered, I scan the checkout chick. About a head shorter than me, slim build, blue eyes, could do with a few thousand dollars injected into her bust, but otherwise quite nice. She feels my gaze and starts giggling. I fight the infectious feeling coursing through my nerves. Finally, it's my turn

 

I empty my basket on the conveyor belt as she begins the ritual of idle chit chat. I vaguely hear a greeting and the first beep of an item when my eyes are drawn into the impulse purchase rack. Another beep. I ask her how she is, my gaze scanning through the sugary treats on display. I hear another giggle, a beep and tune out as she begins to tell me about her pointless existence outside of the supermarket. One more item beeps across the scanner as my vision narrows on the chocolate section. Beep. I mutter a few non-committal grunts as she continues... something about a duck? Beep. My eyes lock onto a chocolate bar. Beep. The chocolate bar. Beep. I hear her read out a total as my hand shoots to the chocolate, liberating it from the display. My eyes lock onto hers with a grin. The bar slips from my grasp, descending to the conveyor belt. Her eyes widen and her mouth begins to open as the bar hits with a resounding thud.

 

Noise. White noise. Klaxons wailing. Bullhorns firing. Sirens flashing in every corner of the store. Solid metal shutters slam over every conceivable exit, door, window and vent. The giggly blonde girl suddenly looks three times her size as she levels a combat shotgun at my head. Over the cacophony, I hear her screaming at me.

 

"RETURN THE CHOCOLATE BAR NOW!!!"

 

Seeing no alternative, I place the bar back into the display. The barriers are lifted. The sirens slip into hidden roof panels. The klaxons and bullhorns fade into silence. In the distance, I hear the triple beep of someone resetting a car alarm. All eyes in the store are on me as I begin to sheepishly apologise. The shotgun is gone and the checkout chick is now the giggling blonde girl again. I hand over my money and collect my goods.

 

As I leave, the girl, smiling as if nothing had ever happened, says, "Thankyou for observing the 8 items or less rule. Have a nice day."

 

Thank heavens I'd stuck with two meats/cheeses.

[WrenWind]

I liked this

[Sweetcherrie]

Sharp as ever....made me giggle

 

Good to see you writing again

[Mynx]

*dies laughing*

Brilliant!

I loved it!