"Dark Times" by Patrick Durham, Sweetcherrie, etc.

[Wyvern]

I just wanted to say that I've read through what's been posted of this story so far and am enjoying it. I feel that a number of the characters in this piece are already quite well-developed in terms of their histories, family relationships, and quirks. The use of several points of view makes it hard for me to identify an obvious protagonist in the piece, which may work to the stories advantage in presenting several sides to the conflict at hand. I also love a number of the original details that have been incorporated so far, particularly the "cheese grater" voice of the beggar and the duel meaning of "siagarna," both of which struck me as excellent and evocative.

 

In terms of potential things to improve upon in the story: I felt that the first post was somewhat expositional and could be alluded to in the interactions of characters rather than explained in an introduction. Also, while I find Garrick the most well-developed character so far, I didn't always feel like his emotions were reflected well given his background. He seems rather non-chalant and unaffected by the death of Captain Larusso, who he seemed to know very well. Finally, while I love the details for the most part, I'm not as big a fan of the poison dart that kills the beggar or the hooded cloak and glowing eyes of the stranger, both of which seemed a bit more typical in terms of fantasy details.

 

Once again, I'm finding this an enjoyable read, so keep up the good work! I hope you folks are having fun writing this together. I'll be on the look-out for new posts.

[Patrick]

...the hooded cloak and glowing eyes of the stranger, both of which seemed a bit more typical in terms of fantasy details.

That might change very soon. He is a very "deep" character, I've worked out a large background for him, and let me just say that the hooded-cloaked shape is only used at the moment because it serves his purposes.

 

Thanks for your ideas, and critics!

Edited May 20, 2005 by Patrick Durham

[Patrick]

Some confusion has been cleared up. In earlier phases of the story the names weren't totally worked out and a mistake had slipped into the names, as effectively we called the god leading the cult under two different names. Now this has been changed and the god of pain and suffering uses only one name, Netkal.