Tattered Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 It's safe here. Safe from involved, complicated, obligations. Obligations like...joy, peace, stability yelck! Who needs those things when you can be stressed as crazy as curly hair in the morning? Who needs joy when you can be sick and weak with worry? I am just fine, my headache is pounding over the noise of the creditors calling. I am alright my vision is blurry so who needs light in this dark room? Happy is BORING...and annoying....I thought I was going to be happy, but...it's just not my stilo. Sticky grips of dark energy slip over my eyes. Shutting out the light. My sky is losing it's blue. My eyes have been stinging since I met you. I blame my own self. I am the only one to blame. You seem to make the colors of life deeper and the light brighter you turn up the contrast, somehow. Dangerous highs and lows... Where this ends no one knows. Still I embrace the mundane, melancholy...barely alive Yet I strive to simply survive it's not wise. Shadow eyes I do know, you know... I know where to find the light I am just too weak to fight Truth is preceded by light... I know where truth lives... My last effort's to seek this... My only mercy... Follow the light Follow, seek, obtain... This elusive, fleeting, hungry, ever dimming light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerulean Posted April 22, 2005 Report Share Posted April 22, 2005 Hey Tattered, It's taken me a while to get around to responding to this piece - sorry for the delay. There's lots to like here. You start with a particularly strong six lines, which establish the tone and deliver the reason for the poem effectively. Language works for you here, I feel words are selected carefully and combine well. I also liked the allusion to this roller-coaster of emotions and the fickle wheel of fate. There was a definite move toward fairground imagery for me in lines fourteen - sixteen, again enjoyable. Favourite line - 'You turn up the contrast.' Sharp and economical - great stuff. I feel there are sections which are less assured and would benefit from revision. PM me if you'd like a more robust crit. Otherwise, thank you for sharing this bumpy emotional ride with us. Cerulean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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